Ask Experts Questions for FREE Help !
Ask
    Talking43's Avatar
    Talking43 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Oct 29, 2009, 08:26 AM
    I feel like My best friend isn't my best friend
    I have this best friend, we like to talk and just be ourselves, but the problem is I can't be myself around her. She makes fun of everything I do, everything I say and it's hurtful. For instance she commented on how ugly my hairstyle looked and how I should just cover my head with a bag. I laughed and joked but I was hurting inside. So it's like I have to be a completely different person around her just to fit in. It's so complicated since... she's the only friend I have. What do you think? Should I end it and be alone?:confused:
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,505, Reputation: 4600
    Uber Member
     
    #2

    Oct 29, 2009, 08:30 AM

    Do you have any idea why you have no other friends?

    This person certainly doesn't sound like a friend, let alone a best friend. Is she like this with other people?

    Maybe she is just immature or insecure and this is how she compensates.

    Have you told her that she's hurting your feelings?
    Talking43's Avatar
    Talking43 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #3

    Oct 30, 2009, 05:26 AM
    Well, I had other friends but we just drifted away from each other. This best friend of mine actually stuck to me. But I think it's just because I can entertain her. Like her personal slave or something. She treats some people like the way I am (mostly girls) she is self centered though, only talks about her latest crush etc. I have once said she was hurting my feelings... but it's like she forgot that conversation. I believe she is insecure because of her looks. Long before I came, she was ridiculed because she has pimples all over her face. Perhaps that why she is taking it out on me... what do you think
    Thanks for the reply
    Talking43
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,505, Reputation: 4600
    Uber Member
     
    #4

    Oct 30, 2009, 06:13 AM

    Hard to say - it's been my experience that people who make fun of other people are insecure themselves (does that sentence make sense?) and they sort of get you before other people can get them.

    By dragging you down - or attempting to drag you down - she's boostering herself.

    Do you know what I mean?

    And I know that as you grow up, get older, friends change, move on, life changes make a difference in a relationship. If you have a problem or a concern, can you count on this person to have your back?
    summer7's Avatar
    summer7 Posts: 344, Reputation: 44
    Full Member
     
    #5

    Nov 2, 2009, 07:57 PM

    Hi,
    What a drag that this is your only friend. She sounds horrible. My advice is that it is better to be alone than with people like her. She will drain all your energy and zap your confidence. Get rid of her!

    I provided some vids and articles to help you identify what toxic people are like. Enjoy the articles on how to make friends and how to be more confident. I hope this starts you on your way to becoming a more confident and outgoing person. There are lots of books on how to make friends. Good luck to you! :)

    Click Here: YouTube - Toxic Friendships

    Click Here: YouTube - Friendship Skills : How to End a Toxic Friendship

    Click Here: Handling Friendship Problems - how to articles from wikiHow

    Click Here: How to Make Friends - wikiHow

    Click Here: How to Become More Confident - 10 Ways to Build Your Confidence

    Click Here: How to Be Confident - wikiHow
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
    Pets Expert
     
    #6

    Nov 2, 2009, 08:26 PM

    I had a "friend" like that in grade school. It got to the point that I'd make myself sick in the morning so I wouldn't have to go to school to face her, and she was my friend!

    It took a while for me to understand that with friends like her I don't need enemies, so I told her how she made me feel and I told her that I wouldn't allow her to treat me like that anymore. If she continued I'd have to walk away.

    I ended up walking away, and for years we were friendly but not friends.

    One day, in high school, she came up to me and apologized for the way she'd treated me back then.

    We never did regain our friendship, it was too late by then, but we were always friendly with each other.

    Sometime you have to walk away. She doesn't sound like a real friend anyway, friends make you feel good, not bad.
    EliseLynn's Avatar
    EliseLynn Posts: 23, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #7

    Nov 6, 2009, 12:05 PM

    I am going to try to offer some different view that may help you figure this out, please do not see any of this as an attack, just devils advocate. We can't give true advice without knowing everything, but we can inspire different views.

    A possibility...
    Why do you not have other friends? Is it possible she is saying hurtful things in a joking manner because she doesn't feel comfortable addressing things directly? Could her teasing be a "hint" on how to improve? She may be a true friend who doesn't know how to express genuine advice.
    The other thing is, is her opinion of how to improve credible? Are the things she's joking about worth listening to?

    Another possibility...
    I myself joke a lot with critical remarks. My entire family is very abrasive with their humor. I culturally come from a (Indian) reservation that is notorious for its "odd" and abrasive sense of humor. Over the years I have managed to tame it down, but in high school I have ruined relationships and friendships with my it. Is her sense of humor a true character flaw? Can you find a way to accept that in her without taking it personally? Is it worth looking over?

    Another possibility...
    Is she just a bully, and you the person who is there to take it? Does she choose to spend time with you because she likes the power she has over you? If you did act yourself would she still like you?

    The bottom line in all friendships and with all people, is that we are all different. With my character I eventually came across other people with a similar sense of humor and have never been happier. Some people simply don't connect as easily, with no fault to anyone. There are people out there that you won't have to work as hard at to be friends with that will come to you one day. If your friend is not worth the pain she gives you, you are best to shake it. If you are are naturally sensitive, you can't afford the damage to your self-esteem that she gives.

    Know that if it is advice, her character, or just a brat. There is nothing wrong with you. We are all here working on ourselves and finding ourselves.
    Love!
    Elise
    shihouzhuge's Avatar
    shihouzhuge Posts: 131, Reputation: 6
    Junior Member
     
    #8

    Nov 27, 2009, 07:43 AM

    I don't know how to give you the advice... Therefore,I hope I could help you for sharing my experience with you.
    When I was a student in middle school, my friends always teased me with the color of my skin, and they would like to say something like "You shouldn't eat sesame,or your skin will become darker".
    You know,in China, though we are yellow,there're something different in the colour of our skins to some extent. At first, I feel angry about them. However,as I grow up, I feel nothing about that...
    It's a double-edged sword that you end your friendship, and I cann't give you advice for leaving her or not.
    But I think it really makes sense if you communicate with her about your real opinions. I just wish you to be a happy girl.
    summer7's Avatar
    summer7 Posts: 344, Reputation: 44
    Full Member
     
    #9

    Nov 27, 2009, 04:47 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by shihouzhuge View Post
    I don't know how to give you the advice... Therefore,i hope i could help you for sharing my experience with you.
    when I was a student in middle school, my friends always teased me with the color of my skin, and they would like to say something like "You shouldn't eat sesame,or your skin will become darker".
    You know,in China, though we are yellow,there're something different in the colour of our skins to some extent. At first, I feel angry about them. However,as i grow up, i feel nothing about that...
    It's a double-edged sword that you end your friendship, and i cann't give you advice for leaving her or not.
    But i think it really makes sense if you communicate with her about your real opinions. I just wish you to be a happy girl.
    Good advice... Honest communication is always the best. Nice of you to share your experience!
    shihouzhuge's Avatar
    shihouzhuge Posts: 131, Reputation: 6
    Junior Member
     
    #10

    Nov 28, 2009, 02:44 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by summer7 View Post
    Good advice...Honest communication is always the best. Nice of you to share your experience!

    Hi,summer7,thanks!

    I think friendship is something uncertain, and it may fade without communication though you don't like it.

    By the way, would you mind telling me where you're from, please?
    Thanks!
    summer7's Avatar
    summer7 Posts: 344, Reputation: 44
    Full Member
     
    #11

    Nov 28, 2009, 08:41 AM

    HI,
    I'm from the U.S.
    shihouzhuge's Avatar
    shihouzhuge Posts: 131, Reputation: 6
    Junior Member
     
    #12

    Nov 30, 2009, 03:26 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by summer7 View Post
    HI,
    I'm from the U.S.
    Thanks, I get it, wish you happy!
    summer7's Avatar
    summer7 Posts: 344, Reputation: 44
    Full Member
     
    #13

    Nov 30, 2009, 06:36 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by shihouzhuge View Post
    Thanks, I get it, wish you happy!
    Thanks... you too! :)
    Unsure_11's Avatar
    Unsure_11 Posts: 16, Reputation: 0
    New Member
     
    #14

    Mar 4, 2010, 05:50 PM

    If she is hurting your feelings you should try telling her... dont say you don't want to be her friend just say what's buging you and if she really wants to be your friend she will stop... a real friend shouldn't be like that.. If she doesn't stop oveusly she not worth keeping around... But give her a chance tell her that it hurts you feelngs when she says that about you... So tell her.dont let her do that to you that's not what friends do... dont be a follower be a leader!
    cozyk's Avatar
    cozyk Posts: 802, Reputation: 125
    Senior Member
     
    #15

    Mar 13, 2010, 11:19 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Talking43 View Post
    I have this best friend, we like to talk and just be ourselves, but the problem is I can't be myself around her. She makes fun of everything I do, everything I say and it's hurtful. For instance she commented on how ugly my hairstyle looked and how I should just cover my head with a bag. I laughed and joked but I was hurting inside. So it's like I have to be a completely different person around her just to fit in. It's so complicated since....she's the only friend I have. What do you think? Should I end it and be alone?:confused:
    She is only your best friend because she is your only friend. That does not have to be. Surround yourself with enough people and a new friend will eventually emerge. Remember also, that the best way to have a friend is to be a friend. This other person is not your friend, she is just someone you know.
    sameedaris's Avatar
    sameedaris Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #16

    Jun 2, 2010, 12:20 AM
    I don't agree with " she is not ur friend!".some time friends don't give u proper value.it doesn't mean she is not your friend.I think u should see your attitude that "Are you being too lose to Friends?" if you and then correct yourself else if you leave her then may be other friend do same to you.And try to neglect the "negative" thing she says about u .even try to laugh at that.or may be you can reply that joke with joke.Think before what you talk may be your words are causing problems for you.its better to be listening friend the talking friend.And in last try to Find a friend who listen to you and slowly try to move yourself from this friend to that new friend.but don't leave this best friend just keep him as friend.

Not your question? Ask your question View similar questions

 

Question Tools Search this Question
Search this Question:

Advanced Search


Check out some similar questions!

I feel betrayed by my best (guy) friend, what should I do? [ 5 Answers ]

Here's the story: two years ago I was in a two year relationship with this guy who left me for someone else. I was in high school then. Since then, I've had problems with the girl and her 5 friends. I got into a controlling two year relationship after that one ended where I couldn't talk to any...

Telling how I feel to a friend seeing to another one. [ 6 Answers ]

Hey, I've known this girl for quite a while now and we still talk, but she's seeing another one. Lately, I've had this urge to tell her how I feel to her JUST so that I can just move on... I know it can destroy our friendship but right now, It doesn't matter because the way I feel just...

How does my male friend feel about me? [ 5 Answers ]

Hi all, I have been dating the same guy for the last five years. This past fall I started a new job, and I hit it off with one of the male staff. We became friends quickly - same sense of humor; we could talk for hours about everything and nothing; and we spent time together outside of work. ...

I kissed my friend and feel guilty [ 4 Answers ]

I've been with my boyfriend for 4 months. When he met me he knew what I was all about. Most of my friends are males. I grew up with a group of boys (I was a tomboy growing up, not anymore.. lol) and am still friends with them 'till this day. My best friend is a male for goodness sakes. My boyfriend...

I feel like I just betrayed my good friend. [ 2 Answers ]

let me start by saying I am 15 1/2 and that my school is fillled with sluts. I was at a party and the guy my friend liked for 4 years started to dance with me, like freak with me, and I went along thinking it was all in good fun.. after a few drinks I got a little tipsy and started to really...


View more questions Search