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    NoLogicJustLove's Avatar
    NoLogicJustLove Posts: 23, Reputation: 2
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    #1

    Jun 3, 2009, 08:43 PM
    I am an Amerian girl in love with an Iranian Persian guy.
    High school is almost over for me, and I am very serious about this relationship I have with my boyfriend. He is from Iran, whitch means his family is VERY different from my hot dog eating, loud, non-artistic, small, divorced family.
    He is persian. His parents want two things for thery're only child.
    1) An extremely prestigious education
    2)Too stay true to the middle eastern culture. (Music, language ect)

    Our parents do not understand each other and his have had withdrawals on his relationship with me. They know we have a high chance of attending the same college and even having a future. It scares them. This boy has been my best friend for years and my boyfriend also. I am willing to do anything to have a warm and peaceful relationship with his family.
    I really needs advise and tips on how to show these parents that I have the best of interest for their son and only want to love him and see that he has an incredible future.

    Please , give me any advise you have to offer!! Any is greatly appreciated
    shibahar's Avatar
    shibahar Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #2

    Sep 21, 2009, 07:09 PM
    Try to learn farsi(persian) and show interest in iranian language and culture.
    EliseLynn's Avatar
    EliseLynn Posts: 23, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Nov 6, 2009, 12:28 PM

    I am so happy to see this has not become a racial issue - in that his evil foreign family is infringing on your american rights. LOL so many people do that! It is good you see his culture as valid.

    From high school, through college, and into adult hood will give way to a lot of change. Both in your views of the world, your views of each other, and your views of your situation. True love now may dwindle as you drift apart. Don't do something that will damage your or his family ties. You can hope, trust and feel it will last forever. But realistically recognize that a lot of change is coming. Heck, if you loved Brittany Spears in mid-school, you'd be regretting a tattoo of her name now right? You can't foresee the future.

    On the other end it may grown stronger. He may, as he gains independence say he is only willing to compromise some with his family and not put a lot of pressure on you.

    My key advice is not to do anything drastic one way or the other. Stay true to you, and keep tabs on everything, constantly re-assess if this is healthy for you. Almost all cultures do not like someone pretending to be a part of it when they are not. Almost all members of a culture are proud and love their culture, and like to talk about their culture and tell you how great it is. Listen quietly, learn, you don't have to agree, don't argue it or give alternative view. Ask more questions. In most cultures, if you win the mom. You are golden.
    dontknownuthin's Avatar
    dontknownuthin Posts: 2,910, Reputation: 751
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    #4

    Nov 24, 2009, 07:38 PM

    I think the best thing you can do is learn about his culture, and support him in meeting the objectives his parents have set for him, such as his educational goals. Respect for parents and in-laws is very, very important in Persian culture and dating is not normally done, so that's something they have to get used to even if you were also Persian.

    Show an interest in his family, and don't compete with them for his time and attention. Encourage him to be responsible and to honor his parents, and they will view you as a positive influence on their son. Modesty could also be important - consider what you choose to wear to their home - short shorts, spaghetti straps and such could offend them. Again, learn what their expectations are and be conscious of the etiquette of their culture.

    If you remain together beyond your teen years, he might have to just go against their wishes, but if you've given them no reason to dislike you, it will be easier for him, and for them, to make the situation work.
    tomder55's Avatar
    tomder55 Posts: 1,741, Reputation: 341
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    #5

    Nov 25, 2009, 06:57 AM
    My advice is to be very careful here. Know for sure what he intends.Is he a conservative practitioner of his faith ?

    American women who marry or have serious relations with Muslim's;especially from the ME often get a different bargain than they signed up for . Suggest you read "Not Without My Daughter" by Betty Mahmoody .
    Amazon.com: Not without My Daughter (9780552152167): Betty Mahmoody: Books
    I'm not saying don't... I'm just saying that you should have a clear mind about where this could lead.

    Edit : I was in Iran in the 1970s and for my 2 cents the men in Tehran appeared progressive . The revolution supprised many of us. I am not sure about the people now although the protests over the elections are encourging .
    foxdiggity's Avatar
    foxdiggity Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Feb 6, 2011, 01:00 AM
    First of all you need to realize and accept that you are both very young and have a lot of life to live. I have lived in the M.E. for 4 years and can tell you for a FACT you will NEVER be fully accepted into their family even if you converted to Islam veiled yourself completely and waited on him hand and foot for the rest of your life... (which is probably what his parents would like of his wife.)The fact that your boyfriend has grown up in America makes him a different case, but I can tell you that the pressure put on him to remain "Iranian" and true to his culture is almost certainly intense to say the least. This causes a strange and sometimes painful identity crisis for these children of mixed heritages and these problems can and usually do manifest themselves on the women in their lives, at least in some way, and more often than naught, negatively. There are American women all over the Middle East who have converted to Islam and moved with the adoring and wonderful man they met in America, only to become slaves (LITERALLY) to their husbands in whatever country they end up in... Seriously! I work for the US State Dept, and you wouldn't believe the number of calls we get from families asking for our help, but we are powerless because the laws in these countries allow for this treatment of women and they were married of their own accord... And Iran is THE WORST! Of all these countries regarding women s rights! If I had a daughter in this situation I would be more than concerned, I would be terrified. Beatings and rape and quarantine to the house are common, not matter what the Iranian mother may tell you... A good book for you is "Reading Lolita in Tehran" to get a small introduction to Iranian culture... The problem with being a teenager is no-one respects how smart you really are however, you overestimate how smart you really are... Best of luck, B
    nikou777333's Avatar
    nikou777333 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Feb 28, 2011, 11:03 PM
    So OK ! I'm an iranian girl who had raised in an iranian family! And I hope this things would help you at least little bit ! ;) OK first you have to YOU HAVE TO BECOME MORE FRIENDLY WITH HIS FAMILY , iranian mothers would not accept any girl looks like that as you exprsd yourself, and iranian families are looking independent girls not like those who's going out with so many guys, not cleaning the house, doesn't care about anything as you said a hot dog as food, well this things make them angry , and as your not from iran, so it needs time for his family to accept you ,the probl is that you havve to get little closer to iranian culture and cause you really not well... it will make another problms as well ! I'm not saying that you have to be looks like an iranian girl at all ! NNOOOO ! Just try to get little bit CLOSE! If you really like him ;)
    love2breath's Avatar
    love2breath Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Aug 13, 2011, 08:03 PM
    I too was madly in love with a charming "Persian" man from Iran. I was with him for 9 years. He said our souls would always be together. His father knew about our passionate relationship. My lover introduced me to his mother and sister as a platonic friend. He went to Iran and came back with an Iranian wife. He divorced her in 3 years. He suddenly became very insulting of me and my family and dumped me. He was extremely duplicit and deceitful. One year later, my head is still spinning. I will find it very difficult to be vulnerable to love again.
    dontknownuthin's Avatar
    dontknownuthin Posts: 2,910, Reputation: 751
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    #9

    Aug 14, 2011, 11:38 AM

    Consider seriously the religious views of a man from the middle east and also his social and political views about women. I didn't want to address it in my original reply, but the more I learn about middle eastern culture, I am learning that while there are many beautiful aspects thereof, subjective views of women and laws that are very far behind western ideals make it extremely difficult on the women who marry these men, should the man choose to return to their home country. You may have no right to your children, or even over your own life and choices.

    Some might consider this uncharitable or politically incorrect to say, but the reality is that there are regions of the world that are well behind American ideals and before you marry or even get romantically involved with someone from one of these regions, you might want to make very sure it's safe to do so. It is not unusual in some of these cultures to murder young people just for meeting for coffee, or having a physical relationship, without prior family permission.
    love2breath's Avatar
    love2breath Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #10

    Aug 20, 2011, 08:04 PM
    If you are really in love, appeal to Mama. I think that those Iranian moms are so bitter with all the restrictions that they live under that they become very nasty and controlling of their sons. It is Mama who you will have to appeal to. The virtuous Mama who "the infidels" see as downtrodden is really the iron fist of the family. Beware of his Mama. She feels superior morally and jealous of the freedom of North American women.
    aligb's Avatar
    aligb Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #11

    Apr 10, 2012, 12:00 AM
    Its all about parents who want their son or daughter to have best life since not so many persians have got married with other than persians; They want the best life for their kids which means: good education in fact good prestigious, warm and happy family, loyal, understanding the culture and... but if you really want your boyfriends family to like you, try to be close to mom and dad say good stuff about your boyfriends and tell them what you want to do in future about jobs education and making a good family... dress formal when invited and do not smoke in front of them. If you show respect u get more respect, wish u the best.
    love2breath's Avatar
    love2breath Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #12

    Apr 21, 2012, 08:48 PM
    ... and what of love?
    love2breath's Avatar
    love2breath Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #13

    Apr 21, 2012, 08:49 PM
    ... what is the worth of love?
    lulu5552244's Avatar
    lulu5552244 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #14

    Dec 14, 2012, 01:40 PM
    I'm not Persian but I'm Iranian and I do agree with everyone else here, you need to show interest in the culture. Read some news, get familiar with what's going on in Iran now, this would be a great subject of discussion with his parents, specially his father. Show interest in the Persian cuisine, tell him that you want to try Persian food made by his mother:D Talk about the successful Iranians in the States, that's one of the favorite topics of the Iranians in the US. Show interest in the Persian literature, this is one of the richest in the world, especially Persian poetry. Show interest in education. Iranians value education. Looks are important for Iranians. Go to gym, take a new haircut, give importance to what you wear when you meet his parents. Unlike the general opinion, most Iranians are not religious, they like their Persian roots more than the religion. Learn about the history, the Persian empire, Cyrus the great, the kings... Iranians are really proud of having that glorious past. Iran is a great country, with great people. If you love him and he loves you back, neither his parents nor anything else can stand between you. Good luck!
    love2breath's Avatar
    love2breath Posts: 5, Reputation: 1
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    #15

    Dec 15, 2012, 11:34 AM
    I showed plenty of genuine interest in the culture. The culture of any civilization is worthy of respect and interest and understanding. I enjoyed the Persian food and learned some phrases, listened to music, read books, watched movies and attended cultural events. We did all kinds of things together for 9 years. I helped him in many ways with legal concerns and with his business.

    I loved him truly in every sense.

    However he shook my hand as if I was a platonic friend in the presence of his mother.

    I might add I am a polite person. I am a registered nurse with an art degree. I am not overweight and dress attractively.

    I think the problem was: I have an anglo saxon background.

    When his family imigrated to Canada the relationship came to an abrupt halt.
    Thirdtime's Avatar
    Thirdtime Posts: 73, Reputation: 5
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    #16

    Jan 9, 2013, 08:46 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by love2breath View Post
    .....and what of love?
    They say Love Conquers all... also Love is Blind!
    jennlo1412's Avatar
    jennlo1412 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #17

    Mar 14, 2013, 11:58 AM
    I am a 25 year old American with a 31 year old Persian Jewish boyfriend. We have become incredibly serious over the last year and talk about getting married and having children all the time. We live in Los Angeles where his family lives however mine is back in Montana.
    My parents are not accepting of our relationship whatsoever. When we visited my family, he and I got into a fight and it gave my parents an excuse to try to push me away from him.
    His family, loves me. They are so supportive of our relationship, invite me to family dinners and treat me like their own daughter. At first, they were not supportive either. Mostly because they were concerned about what "other people would think" when they saw their handsome successful Persian Jewish son with a white girl. He confronted them and told them to accept me, that he wouldn't have it any other way and things have completely changed.
    I suggest you try to learn about his lineage. Learn about his culture and take interest in their traditions. I made my boyfriends favorite persian meal for his birthday from his mothers recipe. Its small things that people notice and if you're truly meant to be together, you'll find a way.

    I guess I told you my story because your parents opinions matter. However, we are living in different times and they can only see as much of your relationship as you allow. With my family they hold that ONE fight 9 months ago over his head as a grudge that they can't let go of, but it seems there are fears that "Persian culture" is too different from the way I was raised.
    The thing is, your parents raised you to make good decisions and be a good person, and probably to stand up for others. So stand up for your boyfriend and yourself and his family and culture. Hopefully they will come around.
    Hopefully I take my own advice and my family will eventually come around too.
    Best to you
    MOAOM's Avatar
    MOAOM Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #18

    May 26, 2013, 02:05 PM
    Hello everyone. I am a 40 year old Persian guy. I came from Iran to the united state 14 years ago. I got married with a pretty American girl 10 years ago and we have a lovely life now. We still love each other as much as we did ten years ago. We have tried to be respectful, friendly and understanding in our relationship. Definitely there are some differences between two cultures, but there are more commons than differences in between. I am a Muslim; she is Christian; and we have too many good friends with different religions, like Muslim, Christian, Jewish, and Buddhist. When you talk about some racist people, then it does not matter those people are American, Persian, or from somewhere else. I am talking about Americans and Persians in 21th century.

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