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    Karolina1981's Avatar
    Karolina1981 Posts: 0, Reputation: 2
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    #1

    Mar 3, 2017, 11:54 AM
    Would you rather be raised by your single biological mother or by an adoptive couple?
    What would be better for you?
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,894, Reputation: 5430
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    #2

    Mar 3, 2017, 12:05 PM
    Do we know anything more about them? Character? Personalities? Countries they live in? Employment? Do they know each other?
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
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    #3

    Mar 3, 2017, 12:08 PM
    That's not an easy decision for an adult to make. I grew up with my parents, and I had a great childhood. If one of them weren't around, I'd still want to be raised by the other one. I'd never trade them in for new parents.

    But that's because I know their personality, I grew up with them, I love them.

    A baby can't make this choice, it's up to his/her parents to make that decision based on what's best for baby, and what's best for the single parent.
    Karolina1981's Avatar
    Karolina1981 Posts: 0, Reputation: 2
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    #4

    Mar 3, 2017, 12:13 PM
    The question deals ONLY with single parenting versus adoption.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,894, Reputation: 5430
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    #5

    Mar 3, 2017, 12:24 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Karolina1981 View Post
    The question deals ONLY with single parenting versus adoption.
    There are too many variables at work in this question. It isn't an either/or situation. A human life is at risk. Please reread Alty's response above.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #6

    Mar 3, 2017, 03:13 PM
    Who are you asking, is what I'm asking you.
    Since I am 70 years old, this is hypothetical.
    I had a pretty awful mother. Everyone in my small town knew it. One day a woman I babysat for told me out of the blue that I could live with her, her husband, and their kids. Very nice family. I thanked her and never brought it up with her or anyone, not even myself. I loved my dad, although he was distant and at work all the time. It was more comfortable to be miserable.

    In the hypothetical? I would imagine a loving single mother and want to stay with her. IT DEPENDS ON THE MOTHER, NO???? Whether she is loving and responsible as a parent, no matter how poor, vs. a drug addict prostitute who leaves you alone for days or whose string of drug dealing boyfriends rape you?

    This is starting to make me angry in the 'why don't you get it' category.
    If this is a survey for a paper in school, I would drop it.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,304, Reputation: 7692
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    #7

    Mar 3, 2017, 05:06 PM
    A child can be raised either way and there is never such a choice, The only way you are raised by adoption is if the parent gives up the rights or have them taken away. If taken away then it is better.

    So the question is mute and has no reality value
    ma0641's Avatar
    ma0641 Posts: 15,681, Reputation: 1012
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    #8

    Mar 3, 2017, 06:14 PM
    You can't really answer this question. If you had/have a miserable childhood, you would probably say adoption. However, if you have a great upbringing, you might say parents. I doubt there are many parents who haven't heard, "You are terrible, you don't understand me, I can't wait to leave here"!
    Karolina1981's Avatar
    Karolina1981 Posts: 0, Reputation: 2
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    #9

    Mar 3, 2017, 09:37 PM
    JOYPULV, it's just for me. Thanks.

    Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for your answers. I only wanted to know whether fatherlessness would be perceived as something more tragic than being raised by two parents, but unrelated ones.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #10

    Mar 4, 2017, 02:51 AM
    Then you need to find people who actually grew up in either of those situations.
    Karolina1981's Avatar
    Karolina1981 Posts: 0, Reputation: 2
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    #11

    Mar 4, 2017, 03:06 AM
    There are a lot of people who grew either adopted or raised by a single mother and their experiences differ, obviously. But I was wondering what would be THEORETICALLY better.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #12

    Mar 4, 2017, 04:22 AM
    The one with good parenting, which can be either.
    That's why your question as stated cannot be answered.
    What is the purpose of theoretical in a question of this sort?
    There are many books and studies done on single parenting. Yes, a very well adjusted and happy child can be raised by a single mother. The mother CAN fill in as a father figure, or provide one with relatives, or teachers and friends can fill in. It does take skill and understanding. And most children wonder at some age about who their biological father is or was. But that doesn't have to hamper a good life. It depends, it depends.
    Karolina1981's Avatar
    Karolina1981 Posts: 0, Reputation: 2
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    #13

    Mar 4, 2017, 04:25 AM
    What is it like to be raised by a single mother?
    I know that people's experiences will differ, but I simply like reading about - forgive me - imperfect family structures and how the now adult children perceived their childhood.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,304, Reputation: 7692
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    #14

    Mar 4, 2017, 08:41 AM
    Why would you say or what is the reason you believe that any family relationship is "imperfect". A single parent family is just that a family, it is different from one where it is just father or just mother. Or where it is a divorced or where it is a gay or lesbian family. It is different if is a rich or a poor family. It is different if it is a farm, villiage or city family.

    If the children have to work feeding animals and helping on the farm, of if they spend the evening playing video games.

    Then move to international where in China for example, 80 percent of children in JR high and high school live at the school, not home.

    Or families where mom and dad work and the child is actually raised by grandparents or older siblings.

    There is no such thing as a "normal family".
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,227, Reputation: 10853
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    #15

    Mar 4, 2017, 09:27 AM
    I agree, there is no perfect, or imperfect family structure. They are all unique to the people in them, so there is no one size fits all for NORMAL. Are you asking this question, and your other one, because of your own situation?

    It certainly sounds like you need support and clarity for whatever you are going through.

    Care to share?
    Karolina1981's Avatar
    Karolina1981 Posts: 0, Reputation: 2
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    #16

    Mar 4, 2017, 09:39 AM
    No, it's a theoretical question. I'd like to know if the lack of the father (as it's usually the mother who gets custody) detrimental to a child's emotional well-being.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,227, Reputation: 10853
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    #17

    Mar 4, 2017, 09:44 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Karolina1981 View Post
    The question deals ONLY with single parenting versus adoption.
    There are already some great stories out there, as there are some very sad ones too. What's your story, so we can get some idea of your feelings, or is this a poll you are taking? More info and feedback from you will get you more info and feedback from us.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,227, Reputation: 10853
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    #18

    Mar 4, 2017, 09:47 AM
    It can and has been for many, but at the same time there are many who have thrived greatly without a father being in there lives.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,894, Reputation: 5430
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    #19

    Mar 4, 2017, 09:47 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Karolina1981 View Post
    No, it's a theoretical question. I'd like to know if the lack of the father (as it's usually the mother who gets custody) detrimental to a child's emotional well-being.
    From my observations of friends and relatives who have raised children in non-traditional situations, an absent father is not necessarily detrimental to a child's well-being. Now, pull up a chair and I'll tell you horror stories about the emotional upsets of children in two-parent (husband-wife) families.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
    current pert
     
    #20

    Mar 4, 2017, 11:41 AM
    Karolina, you remain just as confusing as before.
    You start out wanting to 'hear how the now adult children perceived their childhood.' Then further down you insist that this is a theoretical question.
    We have all tried to convince you that this is NOT theoretical.
    To make it theoretical, you have to find one group of adults raised by single mothers, and another group raised some other way. (Yesterday it was adoptive parents.)
    You look for key elements of their responses to see if you can draw conclusions about them that allows you to postulate a THEORY.

    If your goal now is to simply hear about 'imperfect family structures,' then you are really just a voyeur in people's problems, and it is downright creepy.
    I thought the request by someone to tell us what it is you want out of this, something about yourself, then we can put you in some sort of context.
    Otherwise.... I'm out of here.

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