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pmorley · Oct 31, 2006, 04:11 PM

My mother is 74 and widowed. When my father was alive, he was able to maintain both her financial and social skills. She was very ill in 2001 and since then, she has become financially irresponsible. She does not maintain any form of budget or balance her checking account. She owns her home, and receives enough money each month to pay the normal bills, eat, medical care, gas etc.
Every day she goes shopping. She obsessed worth buying food and gifts for others. She is $11,000 overdrawn on her checking account and owes thousands in credit card debt. Annual percentage rates on her cards are 30% because she is always late. Once one card denies her use, she signs up for another. She drives and appears to be alert and oriented which makes it difficult to deem her as incompetent.
I have helped her with her bills, offered to put all of her bills on autopay, etc. What can I do to alter her behavior??

excon · Oct 31, 2006, 04:51 PM

Originally Posted by pmorley

What can I do to alter her behavior???

Hello p:

Short of having her declared incompetent, nothing. Besides, it's her money. She evidently can afford her extravagancies, and if she wants to spend it ALL, it's hers to spend.

excon

PS> If it were me, (and it's going to be shortly), I plan to spend every penny.

Sentra · Oct 31, 2006, 05:15 PM

As she might possibly see it, the man she spent her life with is no longer with her and now she could possibly be replacing 'him' with all of this spending. For someone like her, it can be a "Life is too short to save money!! Muahaha. Ha." kind of thing.

Just let her be, she has been who she is for a very long time, and for someone her age they may not see the point in changing now. If you REALLY want to help her, don't count on her to change, just take it into your own hands. She took care of you, now take care of mom by just placing all of her bills on 'autopay', as you called it.

steveinpa · Oct 31, 2006, 11:45 PM

I WOULD NEVER LET MY PARENT SPEND-DOWN ALL SAVINGS! Allowing her to spend all of her money might turn into a FINANCIAL DISASTER for you. PA recently revived an old (unenforced) law on the books requiring adult children (who have financial ability) to pay the support of an indigent parent! Nursing homes are starting to sue adult children, even when the child did not sign as a guarantor when the parent was admitted. The driving force behind the recent legislation was PA State Gov't not wanting the state's public assistance (welfare program) to foot the bill for a hospital, nursing home, etc. when an indigent senior citizen has a child(ren) with financial means. PA is NOT the only state with this type of legislation. It is sometimes called filial support liability. The demographics in the world and advances in health care guarantee that in the next 15 years there will be more senior citizens than ever before. Federal and State gov't budgets will not be able to finance all nursing home needs, so I think we may see more of this type of legislation. Many attorneys are wondering if PA's law will soon be administered via county domestic relations office, where indigent senior citizen support will be prosecuted the same as child support for minors (children under 18 years of age). Be careful folks, and maybe have a commonsense frank talk with mom or dad about budgeting. Offer to help. Better yet, talk to a local lawyer, and get a power of attorney. Good luck.

s_cianci · Nov 2, 2006, 07:22 PM

Probably not much. Maybe she feels that, at age 74, she doesn't have many good years left so she's trying to live it up and enjoy herself. That's not bad in and of itself but the problem is, what if she guesses wrong and live for another 15 years? Then she'll be up to her ears in debt and will spend every penny of her retirement income paying them off. When she does check out, her estate will pay off whatever remaining balances there are, to the best of its ability, before her heirs ever see a dime. Hopefully she hasn't taken out any liens against her house to finance her wild spending. Plead with her not to do that of all things. If she does and she outlives her expectations, she'll end up on the street. Other than that, there really isn't much you can do other than to talk in advance with a probate attorney to make sure you and her heirs will be protected from any kind of subjugation by her creditors and don't plan on a big inheritance. Give your mother a heads up that she might have to settle for not much of a funeral. Perhaps the prospect of being buried in a potter's field may jolt her to her senses.

samsclub · Nov 10, 2006, 07:56 PM

She does need help. She is only 74 and could live to 85. I guess your father keep everything under control and now that she is single she just does not have the self discipline to take care of herself. Maybe you could just try anyway (talk with a lawyer) to see if you could be her guardian. Maybe if you take her credit cards from her. She obviously is not doing what is in her best interest. She might have to move in with you if she spends all of her money.

If she does "own" her own home (the house is paid off) make sure she is paying property taxes every year or she will lose the house.