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skyleezy · Apr 23, 2006, 08:12 PM

My boyfriend was dealing with a lot of self issues, his self esteem was real low because he was having problems finding a job, he didn't like the fact that I was the bread winner, and he was falling deep in love with me and didn't know how to deal with it, so he went out and got high on crystal meth and that just made everything worse so I ignored him, he would call and call and I just didn't pay attention. He came over and knocked on the door and I didn't answer, so I guess he thought I was there with another man, so he kicked the door open, as he did that I dialed 911 and lunged at me to grap the phone and he ended up scratching me on my neck. He went to jail, and now he is facing his 3rd strike. I have been subpeonaed by the District Attorney to go testify against him. I don't agree with what he did but I don't think he should get a life sentence for it either. I don't want to testify at all. I was told that if we got married then I don't have to testify against him because he is my husband. Is this true?

CaptainForest · Apr 23, 2006, 08:42 PM

That is not true.

You do not have to testify against your husband over stuff that occurred WHILE you were married. But stuff that occurred before your marriage you can testify to.

Note: On the stand, say you can not recall anything that happened that night. After all, you were beaten, and an event like that in a person life, so traumatic, so awful, tends to be blacked out by some people.

Just some advice.

wynelle · Apr 23, 2006, 10:47 PM

Please... don't be an idiot. The man beat you up while under the influence of illegal drugs. And if it is his third strike, that means he has done something major wrong at least twice before.

The heck with his low self-esteem---Do you want to end up dead?

But then, luckily the life span of a meth user is 20 months after they start using, so maybe he won't have time to again develop paranoia, break down your door and beat you up.

No, you can lie and say that you are so traumatized that you don't remember the events of the evening--- but there is already a police report *and* a transcription of the 911 call-- so your testimony is additive, but not the only thing.

pab · Apr 23, 2006, 11:46 PM

Does it really matter. You need to get in to councilling if you would consider nothing short of testifying and getting the hell away from him. Stop making up excuses for his behavior. He's abusive.

Depressed in MO · Apr 24, 2006, 09:24 AM

I don't know about all states, but in the state I am in, the court can press charges and testify against him even if you do not-if they feel there is enough reason to do so. And they do it all the time.

NeedKarma · Apr 24, 2006, 09:28 AM

The low self-esteem is not on his end my dear. If you think you deserve a guy like that then you would be the one with a low opinion of yourself.

VegasRealEstate · Apr 24, 2006, 07:32 PM

Being a former Police Officer, I saw this scenario a lot. At the time you feared for your safety so you called the police for help. The police respond and conduct an investigation, which determined your boyfriend was the primary physical aggressor and subsequently he was placed under arrest.

No that its been a few months and his trail is approaching, you change your mind about wanting to press charges. Regardless if you want to testify or not, your statements you made to Officers, your 911 recording, and your boyrfriend's statements will be used as evidence for the prosecution. It will definitely hinder the prosecution if you don't testify.

I have also responded to several homicides that were domestic related. Where the female thought her husband/boyfriend would not hurt them anymore and guess what, they were wrong.

If he is using Meth, he needs help and the judge can order him to seek counseling, drug rehab, or whatever he needs so this doesn't happen again. Just remember, this is his third charge of domestic violence, which is a felony, next time it could be worse if he doesn't get help.

Fr_Chuck · Apr 24, 2006, 07:40 PM

As I answered in your other post and as others said here.

You will still have to testify even if you get married. Next he is not going to jail for life for what he did this time, he is going to jail for longer because of all the things he has always done thought he years.

And yes he deserves this for abusing you. So you are lucky at this point he is suggesting marriage not deciding that if you are dead you can't testify either.

And they can convict him without you also, since they would have all the evidence. And they can go ahead with the court even if you won't help.
But they can force you to testify.

talaniman · Apr 25, 2006, 11:40 AM

Keeping a 2 time loser out of jail is a poor excuse to marry someone! There is no excuse for marrying someone who can't hold a job,beats you, kicks in your doors, and can't handle the love of a good woman! You need a counselor bad.:cool: :(

Depressed in MO · Apr 25, 2006, 12:38 PM

Only you know the true dangers of this man. I can totally relate with your situation. The decision is on you-just be prepared for the consequences-good or bad. But I am on your side. Most people don't understand why we stay with these kind of men; so it's hard for us to take their advice.
Sounds like you just wanted to scare him (and you were scared too) when you called 911 and now you feel like it has been blown way out of proportion.
However, now it is in the state or prosecutor's hands and you may not be able to stop it.
Whatever happens is meant to be and that is that. My thoughts are with you.

mountainpinelake · Jul 11, 2010, 05:04 AM

This is good advice but still it is not honest. Honest is the best policy - it will make it come out right in the end. You will not be the one making him go into prison - he did it to himself but he may blame you and fulminate - so always keep a mail

mountainpinelake · Jul 11, 2010, 05:05 AM

Good advice and commentary.

milla32 · Nov 20, 2011, 08:25 AM

I'm going through the same thing.. only I went to get treatment 3 days later and they took a report... I can only tell you to pray... as that is what I'm doing