[SlayerX]

Is it me that is being unreasonable ?

Okay, this may not be a major problem but still, here it goes, I use to play the keyboard because I use to take keyboard lessons in Year 7 (Grade 7) but at to stop because the lessons were stopping for some reason. I remember having to play for an assembly once, I really enjoyed this... everyone clapped for me & it made me happy, I really enjoyed playing the keyboard, obviously I was gutted about the lessons stopping.

Anyway, browsing YouTube, I stumbled up on someone playing the keyboard & noticed they were really talented, so I decided to look at more & more people playing keyboard/piano, it just reminded me of when I use to play, & I thought to myself , well if I want to be like them I need to practice & practice, so obviously I need a keyboard, but then I thought to myself, in fact ill leave it for a while, see if I still want one, because sometimes I just get caught up in the moment & just forget about it the next day, so I left it for a bit, about 2 week or so & I still really wanted one, I plucked up the courage to ask my mum if I could have one, & that I would buy with my own money, since I knew I had £150 ($300) money that my mum keeps safe for me when I need it, but when I asked my mum, she just said " Do you ?" In a sarcastic Tone, then the conversation ended, I'm never took seriously... I have no idea why. Anyway a week later I asked again, she said "Yes Luke (my name :p ) i heard you before, will you stop going on about keyboards please" I couldn't believe it, I had only asked my mum once if I could have one, & she acted like I had just kept going on & on about it when I hadn't, also I don't see the problem, it would be bought with my own money, I genuially do want to get back into playing the keyboard, & really do think I will stick to this hobby since I have no others. She can't be worried about the noise because you can have headphones in them :) . Ive looked on websites on how much they are and they are under £100 ($200) and I have £150 ($300) .

There is nothing serious happening in our lifes, like someone dying or anything like that, because I would never be so selfish as to think of getting a keyboard for myself while we are having other problems, but were not. I suppose she asnt said No, but still , she mase well have with the way she acted.

Any mums or dads out there that could help me as to why my mum may be responding to my question like this ? Or any idea's on how I could ask in a different way.



Thanks for your time

[JBeaucaire]

She's not taking you seriously because you've shown her in the past you've been less than serious with your hobbies. That's not a bad thing, it just IS. As you grow older, it's very hard for parents to forget past behaviors in hopes that you will be better. It is natural to expect you to be the same as you've always been.

So, you have to be the grown up here on this topic. Think of this as a project, a job, and part of your "to do" list is to convince your mother you aren't fooling around. Again, it's not likely she'll just "be on board", so it's up to you to make it easy for her.

Just like in school, or in a job you had where you were told to research an issue and solve it, this has to be handled the same way.

1. Identify the goal, write it down in short format: "Become an accomplished keyboardist"
2. List the things that are required to accomplish this goal:
   
   • Practice 2 hours a day for 18 months
   • Play with others for fun
   • Find some place to play in public to have target dates to work toward
   • Acquire a keyboard with headphones so as to not bother the household
   • etc...
3. Identify your desired keyboard
   
   • Find out the prices new
   • Identify some used keyboard sources and prices
   • Speak to the owners, get contact info, confirm purchase prices and availability
   • If you only have $150 in savings, I'd suggest you work to pay for half of the keyboard from NEW money, then ask for the rest from savings.

You may be surprised to find your mom won't give you instant access to all of your money, not the least of the reasons being she might not have actually put it in savings, she put it in her regular fund and simply made a mental note she owed it to you. So asking her for money will feel to her like you're asking for her to GIVE $150 of her money. So she'll want to say "no".

You might want to solve the money issue first by indicating to her you need to put the money into a savings account at the bank so you can be earning interest whilst it is unspent. She's not paying you interest, right? That's a common goal for savings... a little extra thrown in by the bank. Also, once it's in the bank, she can't/won't feel so attached to it herself.

Again, give her time, don't walk up to her and ask for the money and expect it that day. It would be NICE if she really did "set it aside", I just know parents don't always do that. Give her warning, "Mom, I'm going to put my $150 savings into a savings account, when can we go down and do that? When is good for you?"

If she hedges and tries to say it's unnecessary, don't argue. Let her state her position, then respond, "Well, I certainly appreciate your help and feedback. But, I am going to go ahead and put it in the bank, it's time I did these things, I'm sure you understand. So, when can we go down to open that account?"

You are trying to demonstrate to her some maturity and responsibility. That requires you to have stated goals and how you're going to accomplish them, then demonstrate you are "in process" on that plan.

Open a savings account.

Buy your keyboard with at least 50% new money, more if you can arrange it. Try to not deplete your savings altogether if you want your mom's full support.

Also, after getting the keyboard, two things need to happen. You need to follow your list above on your keyboard learning goals, and you need to keep putting money back in your savings. Saving for the things you want is a skill most people never learn. If you do, your entire life will be less stressful than all your neighbors.

Good luck!

[SlayerX]

So asking her for money will feel to her like you're asking for her to GIVE $150 of her.

Im not asking her for the money, that my grandad had given me, it isn't my mums she just looks after the £150 for me so I don't lose it. Also my money is in £ so in U.S $ , to you I have $300 because I'm in the UK not USA hehe :p

[JBeaucaire]

I think you missed my subtle point. I know it's your money, but mom has it right now. Unless she actually stuck the money in a drawer and can pull it out and show it to you at any time, she deposited it into her account. She knows you have £150, but if it's mixed in with her own money, it's going to "feel" like she's giving you £150 of her own money. It's a perspective thing, so she'll be very resistant to your requests to have it.

Does that make sense?

That's why I suggested you start the process to get the money back under your control first so she can't fully control how you get to spend it. It will be easier for you to access in a bank account with your name on it.

[SlayerX]

I think you missed my subtle point. I know it's your money, but mom has it right now. Unless she actually stuck the money in a drawer and can pull it out and show it to you at any time, she deposited it into her account. She knows you have £150, but if it's mixed in with her own money, it's going to "feel" like she's giving you £150 of her own money. It's a perspective thing, so she'll be very resistant to your requests to have it.

Does that make sense?

That's why I suggested you start the process to get the money back under your control first so she can't fully control how you get to spend it. It will be easier for you to access in a bank account with your name on it.

OOOOO right , no, she can actually just give it me now, it is like you said in a draw in her room.