I'm 19, 20 in less than 2 months, I'm in college, I have a job, a boyfriend and no friends. I've been dating the same man for years, and am a very very private person. Even in high school and junior high I knew people and spoke to them but never really held a deep connection to anyone because I never wanted people to know more than they needed to: that I'm a decent person, reliable, and honest. That is it. If ever there was drama, it was between me and the other party, no advice asking, no "just wanna talk"-ing, and no "confiding". I realize that it's something my mother desperately wants me to do with her.

She wants me to tell her where I am going, when I will be back. But my personal record for outings is always 10am-4pm, no later than 4:30pm, never on weekends though because that's the only time the entire family is home. I don't do bad things, ever. If I don't want people knowing me and judging me, why would I put myself in the position to be judged? That being said, all I want my mother to know is the same as I expect everyone else to know: I'm a good girl, reliable, and honest. Whether I spend all my days with the same man in his room, alone, (honestly playing rockband, diablo, halo, pizza, and the occasional loveystuff *ahem) is something I want kept between me and him only. That's it.


But she asks about my whereabouts, gives me a hoot n holler every time because she doesn't know if I'm safe or not, that good girls shouldn't go out, "don't you know that you're precious to me!?", trying to keep me safe all of that good-mother stuff that I do appreciate the sentiment, but I'm an adult and prefer my business to be my own. Is it wrong for me to not want to talk to her about my life?

Who is paying for college? Who pays for food and the roof you live under?

They are, and once admitting that I do suppose she can ask where I am, though I don't think I need her permission any more.

I want to move out, I do, I even have a place I know I can afford comfortably however I don't know how I'm suppose to tell her. Both my 26 and 32 year old brothers live at home. How does the only and youngest daughter move out before her brothers do? I'm not sure how to approach my need for independence when the role models are so comfortable in their own dependence

Do you commute to college from home? Is there a town nearby?

I (the oldest kid) went to college in Chicago and came home on breaks 600 miles away to a rural hometown where my dad was the only minister (Lutheran) in town. My mom wanted me to be home from dates and parties by 10:30, whereas at college I could stay out until midnight on weekdays and 1:30 on weekends (during the '60s). I resented the rules (I was over 18!), so finally we sat down and talked about how I had much more freedom at college (a Lutheran one, on top of it!) than I did at home. She loosened her hold on me and allowed me the same hours at home as what I had at college. I agreed to let her know by pay phone or someone's home phone if I was going to be late and why. She of course could not sleep until I was home safely.

You may have to wheel and deal like I did, or even rent a room or live in a dorm at college. I ended up taking on the expense of college, taking out a student loan that took me ten years to pay back, but then I showed I was an adult and responsible for myself.

Yes I commute to college from home, but I actually never stay out past 4pm. Ever. I don't do much at night that I can't do in the day time, so I don't understand why me being places and coming home before she even gets home from work need permission or any acknowledgment.
I just need to tell her... don't I. Will be tough because I don't enjoy including third parties for anything unless it's necessary ):

What third party? And what "permission" do you want--to do what?

Third party is my mother. The way I see it, my boyfriend and I doing anything is between me and him. Me doing anything that does NOT concern my mother makes her the third party if she wants to poke her nose in. And I don't want permission, she wants me to ask for it to go out and do things.

I'm on my way to bed -- so last thought is, how painful would it be to occasionally cook or bake something with your mom or share a TV show or DVD movie with her or ask her to teach you something? You don't have to confide all your hopes and dreams and boyfriend stories to her, but sharing a bit of your life otherwise might be good enough.

That is true enough. Thank you. I don't enjoy pouring my life's story to people, but my mother... I ought to say and do SOMEthing. Thank you

A mother is not a third party and I think you have taken her out of your life.
No she does not need to know everything, but a mother is suppose to be there to talk about your troubles to, She is the one we tell all the young girls to go and talk to, from issues about periods, to bra's and more.

But I don't have issues to discuss. If I need help I research, if I need advice I do things like this, ask people I don't know for an honest answer. I don't want her or any other person knowing more about me than I want them to know because my business is my privacy.