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    DoubtMel's Avatar
    DoubtMel Posts: 21, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Aug 12, 2018, 10:27 PM
    What is your opinion on someone that is obsessed with guns?
    Hello,

    I have been seeing this guy who is interested in me for a while now. He even talked about marriage with me in the future maybe if it goes there. Now this guy is a black belt karate expert and did some boxing in the past and also a gym junky. Keeps himself in shape and maintain his nice figure. He seemed to have a good head on his shoulder and a good character. Financially getting stable. All the boxes in my list where slowly being ticked off and boy I thought I finally found the one. I had become overly excited until I started discovering his obsession with guns, rifles and military equipments. He post and likes this several times a day on social media. To be honest Iím starting to get nervous. Iím not a fan of guns and will never be. Although I donít mind trying them in a secure environment with an instructor just to learn. I will never own one nor get my license for it etc. His full on into it. He used to be a mechanic and loved his cars and modifying them. But know itís all about his new obsession with guns just like he loves his cars. Iíve noticed that ever since I noticed that I have been reluctant to open up to him. I keep my thoughts to myself like I fear something. He noticed that and started to distance himself too and showing signs of liking other girls suddenly. But thatís another story.
    The point is what do you think is the psychology behind being obsessed with guns. Is this guy normal? Should I runaway from him?
    I am feeling something off and uneasy to be honest!

    Please help me by replying!

    Thanks
    Oliver2011's Avatar
    Oliver2011 Posts: 2,606, Reputation: 746
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    #2

    Aug 13, 2018, 04:25 AM
    "Iím not a fan of guns and will never be." Me either. Unfortunately his liking guns came before you. When you meet someone that someone comes with a lot of baggage. Some good and some not so good. It's up to you whether you accept all that baggage. Regardless, this should be a discussion you have with him. My spouse owns 4 of them and I don't go near them at all.
    ma0641's Avatar
    ma0641 Posts: 15,681, Reputation: 1012
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    #3

    Aug 13, 2018, 05:13 AM
    I think you posted this to ask our approval of your concerns. I own some firearms, even a dreaded "assault rifle", but reading this, his "obsession" outranks you. That plus "liking other girls" indicates he isn't ready for a good relationship let alone marriage.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,052, Reputation: 10852
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    #4

    Aug 13, 2018, 09:29 AM
    I think it's natural after getting to know someone that they are not the perfect person you though, and you start finding out areas where you conflict with them, or are not that compatible. The big key for me though is how you handle those areas of conflicts. If you cannot communicate there can be no resolution that works for you both, and as time goes on not talking makes for more distance between you. Romance is like that, thrills and excitement that fizzles over time.

    If the two of you cannot talk, then its about over anyway. It sounds like he may be looking for his next romance and that is also a sign to get ready to accept that whatever you had before is fading fast. It's not his fault he is who he is, nor your fault you are who you are. 6 months to a year is when the lust fades and the love either grows or doesn't exist. How long have you been seeing each other?

    To be fair about the gun issue, I can't say he is obsessed, because everybody I know has a gun, or two or three...or more. If it wasn't guns it would be something else, wouldn't it? I bet you have a few obsessions yourself. Hats, shoes, purses?
    DoubtMel's Avatar
    DoubtMel Posts: 21, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Aug 16, 2018, 10:55 AM
    I've known him since High School (way back) but we officially started talking as (young adults) AKA friends since 2012-2013. Just recently past 3 months) he asked me if I wanted him to pursue me for marriage. I thought it was a bold statement. I said yes because I do like him. But I'm starting to feel that excitement from him evaporate and mine along with it... But I still like him deep down for who he is.
    I'm guessing like you said I'll have to accept whatever happens from now on.

    Communication is a bit difficult than usual but he still talks to me and listens and is open minded...

    Yes he definitely doesn't look ready but he still actively pursued me even though he seems confused at the moment...
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,052, Reputation: 10852
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    #6

    Aug 16, 2018, 07:25 PM
    You've only been a couple for 3 months and that puts you in the dating to have fun while you get to know each other better. I certainly hope you are having fun, but it sounds like a lot of doubt is already showing up.

    Talk honestly about how you're feeling and see where your at and go from there. If you talk be sure to listen as well, because that's what it's really all about. Talking and listening. If that doesn't happen, you won't get this thing down the road for sure. Might be FUN to find out where his confusion is.

    Obviously, confusion or not you think it's still worth trying, despite all this emotional confusion at this time.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7691
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    #7

    Aug 16, 2018, 07:30 PM
    What is "obsessed" ? Does he own 100 or 200 guns, or just own 10 or so.
    About 1/2 the nation is gun lovers, and most likely own some. I own about 30 myself, in collection and carry one every day, everywhere I go. So do most of my friends and I go to the range at least once a month.

    In my world, this is normal.

    My wife don't like them much, goes to range with me sometimes.
    DoubtMel's Avatar
    DoubtMel Posts: 21, Reputation: 1
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    #8

    Aug 26, 2018, 01:46 PM
    Well turns out his confusion turned ugly. I tried talking to him. He first told me he is not ready for a serious relationship. His looking into getting himself financially ready or something like that. Plus, he wants to concentrate on his own things right now. I acknowledge it, told him I still liked him and left him alone. He came back after two days on his own. When I started interacting and responding to his questions, He told me his no longer interested. Things went sour from there. He said he was never interested in the first place and I'm the one who keeps pursuing him. I was shocked by his statement. According to the chronology of events I know of, I never started talking to him first. He approached me. When he started talking about marriage. I did started to pursue a bit but took some distance when I started feeling doubts about him. I feel like he wanted to break things off but wants to make it sound like its because I'm some crazy chick that perused him even if his not interested... So you now I feel bad about myself and I'll just move on.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,052, Reputation: 10852
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    #9

    Aug 26, 2018, 02:39 PM
    It's okay to feel bad about a relationship that fizzles, but give yourself some slack, since he is the confused nut job, not you. So don't feel so bad about yourself considering you may have dodged a bullet with this dude.

    I think you have him pegged right.
    Oliver2011's Avatar
    Oliver2011 Posts: 2,606, Reputation: 746
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    #10

    Aug 27, 2018, 09:57 AM
    "So you now I feel bad about myself and I'll just move on."

    Yes move on but what is the point of feeling bad? I wouldn't let him have that control over you. You should maybe save feeling bad for someone who is worth it.
    DoubtMel's Avatar
    DoubtMel Posts: 21, Reputation: 1
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    #11

    Oct 1, 2018, 06:03 AM
    Very good point!
    I think for me feeling bad is more in relations to feeling internally embarrassed to have liked the guy in the first place.

    Its my steps of grieving, until I don't have feelings for my crush and I moved on.
    Oliver2011's Avatar
    Oliver2011 Posts: 2,606, Reputation: 746
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    #12

    Oct 1, 2018, 07:59 AM
    "feeling internally embarrassed to have liked the guy in the first place" UGH! Don't let him have control over you. Life is a journey and not all paths are smooth or the right one. But you went down the path and you learned from it.

    I lost the job that I loved. It was an awesome job, I had many friends there, and I felt no other job could make me feel as fulfilled. That was 10 years ago. I went to a new job, met the spouse of my dreams, and we are now married. That wouldn't have happened unless I lost the dream job. When a door closes, kick the new door open with excitement.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,052, Reputation: 10852
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    #13

    Oct 1, 2018, 12:05 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by DoubtMel View Post
    Very good point!
    I think for me feeling bad is more in relations to feeling internally embarrassed to have liked the guy in the first place.

    Its my steps of grieving, until I don't have feelings for my crush and I moved on.
    I think you are correct
    DoubtMel's Avatar
    DoubtMel Posts: 21, Reputation: 1
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    #14

    Oct 2, 2018, 02:01 PM
    Thanks!

    Btw. the guy is actually stalking me online. I kept the proof from yesterday and previous days (where I did not think much of it, at the beginning)
    I blocked him today!

    I'm wondering why a Guy bothers to stalk someones profile if they don't like them or they make them cringe (since according to him I'm a crazy guy chaser..sarcasm)
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,052, Reputation: 10852
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    #15

    Oct 2, 2018, 04:00 PM
    Some are crazier than others, so now you know that, you can make better choices in the future... HOPEFULLY... if not, maybe moving on will not be so traumatic, or confusing (Break ups still suck!).

    They seem so normal at first, even exciting, but then the ISSUES appear. LOL, comes down to can you deal with their issues, and for how long. Or better yet, do you even want to? Don't take this too personally, because it's more about them than you, but your feelings and actions because of HIM are YOUR responsibility to deal with.

    So you aren't a moron this time you just fell for one. The next one is on you. Maybe you should be very clear and threaten to report him if he is also a stalker. That's bad being stalked by a crazy moron.

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