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    mbman2016's Avatar
    mbman2016 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Jan 9, 2018, 01:28 PM
    What to do with this situation?
    So here is my situation...
    My father left before I was born and my mother didn't say much about him except his name and that he was an . About 4 or 5 years ago he reached out to my mother to reconnect, nothing about me. However, I decided I would reach out to him and see what would happen. He responded back with a confirmation that I was his son and he had kept an eye on me. We even talked on the phone once, after that... it went quiet. I had changed jobs and had a child so life was busy for a couple of years. Then about 2 years ago I reached out to him, offering a chance to get together, get to know each other.
    Silence. He got the message, but didn't reply. I thought maybe he needed to think about it, so I waited.
    Another year goes by, I send a similar response telling him the offer was still there and if he wanted to meet me and his grandchildren I'd be glad to meet.
    So this year I just said Merry Christmas and Happy Thanksgiving, he responded in kind.
    So this is my question, I have done some digging and found out I have brothers, cousins, aunts, and other family members I have never met. Thanks to Facebook, all relatively easy to find.
    I am on the fence about this one because I don't know the consequences if I decide to contact any of them. Should I contact them? If so, should I warn my father? How would you contact them? Just be up front and see how they react?
    poseidon's Avatar
    poseidon Posts: 244, Reputation: 55
    Full Member

    Jan 9, 2018, 01:53 PM
    Unfortunately these situations are all too common.

    I am afraid that I am getting the impression that even though your father is prepared to be in touch with you it is only from a distance and he does not appear to me to want to meet up. This is very sad because you are reaching out to him and he appears basically non receptive.

    As far as I am concerned I would approach the new relatives you have found upfront and explain to them who you are and that you would like to get to know them and hopefully in time meet.

    It is very possible that these relations do not know of your existence in the same way you did not know of theirs.

    You may discover that some are not very interested in getting to know or meet you but others may be delighted to discover they have another relative.

    Until you approach them you will not know how you will be received but it must be worth trying.

    May I wish you the very best of luck and hope that all the relations you have discovered want to get to know you.

    mbman2016's Avatar
    mbman2016 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Jan 9, 2018, 01:58 PM
    Thank you! I am starting to lean that direction.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
    current pert

    Jan 9, 2018, 02:24 PM
    His puzzling actions could have something to do with a new woman who entered his life, who wanted him to concentrate on a new family they were starting together. That's just a wild guess to show that it may have very little to do with you.

    I don't see why you need to warn your father about contacting other relatives. You don't 'owe' him that polite gesture, because he has ignored you this many times. But given that they are your relatives 'through' him first (I assume?), then I would indeed be tentative about it. You seem to have a good sense of all this and will handle it well.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,328, Reputation: 10855

    Jan 9, 2018, 03:31 PM
    You may never know what will happen unless you try, but I don't feel you owe your father a "warning" of your intentions, unless YOU want too. Jut go into this with an open mind, because you can never predict their reaction, or know what has happened in the past. Many times those new family members are caught up in their own lives and meetings don't always end up in ongoing connections or bonding, but you never know.

    I would just go for it no matter how it ends up.
    mbman2016's Avatar
    mbman2016 Posts: 3, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Jan 9, 2018, 04:30 PM
    That is very possible, he recently got engaged about 3 or 4 months ago. Thank you, I just have a habit of running all the worst possible outcomes in my head to prepare myself for those reactions. I'm not expecting anything particular, just keeping my mind open.

    I do realize they are all caught up in their own lives. Facebook has helped me get a glimpse into the people they are. I know, people try to portray their best on there, but it does give me a chance to see all of them (not to sound like a stalker lol).
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
    Pets Expert

    Jan 9, 2018, 06:59 PM
    I would definitely contact the other relatives and ask if they want to chat and possibly meet. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. If they decide they don't want to know you, you've lost nothing, but you could gain something if you try. You'll never know unless you try.

    As for your father, no need to talk to him about meeting your other siblings and relatives. You have the right to know them and they have the right to know you. If your father and you had a relationship then I might ask him what he thinks about this, but you don't have a relationship so his opinion means nothing.

    I hope it all works out for you, no matter how it plays out.

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