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    superstar18's Avatar
    superstar18 Posts: 380, Reputation: 5
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    #1

    Dec 26, 2017, 01:05 PM
    Should I try to reconnect with an old friend?
    My old friend and I haven't spoken or seen each other since September. Our relationship has actually drifted apart two years ago. We were friends for 14 years and then she moved away started meeting new people. We would hangout every now and then but wasn't like it used to be. She didn't even move that far away. Then she met a new friend and they became best friends. For some reason her friend always has a snobby attitude whenever we my friend and I would hangout. In September we all went to a concert together with two other people and my old friend took off with her close friend and I didn't even see her at the concert pretty much. We just saw each other in the car and went to a restaurant before the concert and she didn't say much to me at all. Also my friend doesn't like my boyfriend because he said some nasty stuff to her close friend but he did apologize for it but she couldn't except the apology. It was their first time meeting each other and I know that doesn't give a good impression but he tried apologizing. That was about a year ago and I guess people can't forgive easily. It hurts because I miss her and the memories we had together but I feel like I'm always the one to have to reach out to her. I feel like she doesn't care. I even tried asking her if she wanted to meet up before September and she blew me off pretty much. Sometimes I feel like is it even worth it, but I don't want to have that regret either. I just feel like I was the only one who was trying. What do you guys think I should do? I just really don't know what to do. Any suggestions?
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
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    #2

    Dec 26, 2017, 02:15 PM
    Reaching out to someone you miss is never a bad idea, but it can have mixed results. From what you posted it sounds like this friend has other things in her life right now, and doesn't seem to want you to be a part of it for whatever reason. It happens, especially in the teen years, that friends you had forever drift away from you.

    If you're going to reach out then you can't have any expectations. It's very likely that she'll blow you off again, which will hurt. So go into it knowing that this space between the two of you may always be there, and that it's unlikely that things will go back to the way they used to be.
    superstar18's Avatar
    superstar18 Posts: 380, Reputation: 5
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    #3

    Dec 26, 2017, 02:57 PM
    That's true I think I will try and reach out to her when the time is right for me. Right now it hurts too much for me so maybe once a little more time goes by and I think out exactly what I'll say to her then I'll be more prepared for whatever happens. Right now though if I do get rejected then it will just hurt my heart. Time heals all wounds.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 53,884, Reputation: 10852
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    #4

    Dec 26, 2017, 05:23 PM
    I think unless you are prepared for the worst, then you just accept you have drifted apart and don't dwell on what happened in the past. It doesn't have to be anyone's fault really, it's just you both have changed and grow, and you really never know what the future holds. Don't force yourself on someone who has obviously moved beyond your past friendship. It's a more normal part of life than you know, since we all go through this with our childhood, high school, college friends.

    Instead of holding on to the past, let it go and build for the future. Keep and cherish the good memories and don't ruin them by not being able to let people go.
    superstar18's Avatar
    superstar18 Posts: 380, Reputation: 5
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    #5

    Dec 26, 2017, 11:19 PM
    You're right I shouldn't dwell on it and I know that's how life goes. It's just hard to let go of friendships that have lasted a long time. I just need to accept that people change and move on with their lives. I don't think about it everyday but whenever someone mentions if we still talk that's when I get a little emotional. There is still that what if in the back of my mind, but it's a two way street and I don't want to be the only one that makes the effort. So maybe it is best to just let go and maybe one day she will want to try to talk to me. We all make mistakes and I feel like just because of that one mistake that happened she's just holding onto it forever and it's really not fair to me. We really didn't even talk about it either she just decided to be mad at me and not say anything to me about it.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 53,884, Reputation: 10852
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    #6

    Dec 27, 2017, 08:16 AM
    I don't think about it everyday but whenever someone mentions if we still talk that's when I get a little emotional.
    It's referred to as a trigger, and we all have them. Things that make us remember better times and feelings. We can enjoy them without acting on them though. They pass rather quickly when we change our focus, or get busy with other realities that faces us (Like chores or tasks). Dwelling starts when we just sit and let those conjured up old memories, and the feelings we associate with them, keep playing in our heads longer than they should, giving them more life than they really deserve, and it's really hard to accept and enjoy them when we think too much and get to those what if's.

    What if I was born rich instead of handsome, and so on, as an example of some very wishful thinking to change things you have no control over. Frustrating, and who needs that? What if's will drive you to distraction for sure, and it would be very hard to accept that I was born neither rich, NOR handsome! 8O, bummer, but neither one frustrates me (MUCH) anymore! :D

    As for your friend's thoughts, words, or actions, that is HER problem to deal, not yours, right? Let her, as you cannot control others, just yourself, despite your feelings, if you so choose too. Her loss regardless, not yours!
    superstar18's Avatar
    superstar18 Posts: 380, Reputation: 5
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    #7

    Dec 27, 2017, 09:49 AM
    You're absolutely right about that. Who even knows if she even thinks about me, probably not since I always try to talk to her first. We are both living our own separate lives now and I need to just accept it. If she wants to talk to me then I will try to be there but I'm not the only one that's going to make the advantages. It is hard because she was my first friend that I met when I moved and now she's just going to be nothing but a memory.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 53,884, Reputation: 10852
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    #8

    Dec 27, 2017, 06:22 PM
    I truly sympathize deeply with you, as can most people, because we all go through the very same sad situation of consigning former great friends to memory. The reality is that people will come and go, in and out of our lives forever.

    You will also come and go in the lives of others, and some of them will be just as sad when you do. Life is weird that way.
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
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    #9

    Dec 28, 2017, 05:57 AM
    I agree with the others... she grew one direction, you grew another. She could have just as easily looked you up if she was really interested. I believe this is NOT going to turn out how you hope... and then you won't even have those good memories any more.

    People grow apart, friends move on, we get new friends, life goes on... that's how life works.
    superstar18's Avatar
    superstar18 Posts: 380, Reputation: 5
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    #10

    Dec 28, 2017, 06:30 PM
    It just gets tougher and tougher as you get older. It's just sad how it works out that way. I thought we would be friends forever but time changes everything. I have lost so many people in my life and it wasn't anything like this. I shouldn't blame myself for the whole situation either because I have tried.

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