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    hm2390's Avatar
    hm2390 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Sep 1, 2017, 06:20 PM
    Should I go to this wedding..
    Hi there!

    I'm not too familiar with how weddings go as I haven't gone to many so I may have this wrong.. please tell me what you think! My fiance's brothers wedding is coming up in three weeks and I feel rather offended in a few aspects. First, his brother and fiancée asked me, in front of the entire extended family during a quiet moment at dinner, if it was alright to have their wedding on my birthday but only after mentioning they already booked the venue. I felt obligated to say yes considering the entire family was staring at me waiting for my reply. We currently live out of town so I typically fly in to see my friends and family over this weekend for my birthday but that is out of the question now because they have already pre planned the entire weekend. Am I allowed to skip out on the Sunday brunch following the wedding to go see my own family and friends? Would that be rude? I also was not invited to the bachelorette party or even the bridal shower.. which I only found out about because my fiance's eight year old niece asked me why I wasn't there. A few girlfriends have suggested politely declining attending and going elsewhere but I feel like they might be simply looking out for their personal best interests aka they want someone to go on a weekend away trip with. Thanks so much!
    paraclete's Avatar
    paraclete Posts: 2,704, Reputation: 171
    Ultra Member

    Sep 1, 2017, 08:11 PM
    There is no reason why you should not have balance and see your family, we are not talking about a close relative here and you have a right to celebrate your birthday as you please. Don't be bullied attend the wedding and skip the rest
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,051, Reputation: 10852

    Sep 1, 2017, 08:37 PM
    Explain your plan to your fiancé, and see what he says. Seeing as how these people will be part of your extended family... someday, an appearance would be nice, but it doesn't seem you were part of the whole plan though, so I can see how you would be offended, and likely it was for your fiancés' sake you were invited.

    Talk it over, and go from there. I always thought brides picked there day no matter what the rest of the world was planning, but it was rude not to at least invite you to the other festivities. Keep in mind though that if you marry your guy wouldn't you expect him to be in on your family stuff even if it conflicts with his plans or wishes? Of course you would, so at least establish some honest communications between you and him, and maybe you will find out why they didn't invite you to the bridal shower. Obviously you must not be that close to her, but the bottom line is you and your fiancé working things out between you.

    Trust me, such conflicts will come up again, if you share a life with him AND his family. Just because they may be a bit rude would it be right for you to be?
    Oliver2011's Avatar
    Oliver2011 Posts: 2,606, Reputation: 746
    Ultra Member

    Sep 3, 2017, 01:33 PM
    Are you allowed? Who is making the rules in your life? You are. That being said you decide what is best for you. But also with each decision made comes the consequences of that decision. The wedding party probably went through angst when deciding the date. So explain to them your plans and be at what you can and spend the time with your family that you want to. Adults should be able to move forward from this.
    dontknownuthin's Avatar
    dontknownuthin Posts: 2,910, Reputation: 751
    Ultra Member

    Sep 3, 2017, 09:08 PM
    You can do what you like but honestly... you are a grown up. Celebrate your birthday another weekend. Your question makes you sound like an 8 year old that has to have her princess party.
    hm2390's Avatar
    hm2390 Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Sep 4, 2017, 02:56 AM
    This question is referring to being offended about not being invited to a bridal shower, a bachelorette party and then on top of that having zero time to see my own friends and family when I fly in to town because of the weekend being booked up with other things. Thanks so much for the comment though.
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,273, Reputation: 5644

    Sep 4, 2017, 05:19 AM
    Since you live out of town, they may have thought it would be too costly for you to fly in for a bridal shower, then fly in again for a bachelorette party. Weddings always seem to cause hurt feelings when there was no intention to.

    And, as far as having the wedding on your birthday... That may have been the only date the venue was available. My daughter had to plan her wedding date around the availability of her venue as they are solidly booked until 2020 and her date is 2018.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,051, Reputation: 10852

    Sep 4, 2017, 05:42 AM
    More information and feedback to the other comments would have been nice, but I just wanted to know more about your relationship with his family, and I would hate to assume you don't really have a deep enough one to be invited by the bride to her traditional functions leading up to her wedding. I suspect you wouldn't invite her either, when and IF you and your fiancé decide to tie the knot, and you plan your own bridal shower or bachelorette party.

    I might be old school, but aren't these events planned by her bridesmaids (Her friends). So why are you offended by being left out, as you probably don't know them, or they you, right? Do you really think she went out of her way to get married on your birthday? I seriously doubt that and it's just customary to invite a brother girlfriend... I mean... FIANCE to his wedding.

    So I ask again what your fiancé thinks about you splitting time between his family, and your friends, on his brothers wedding day? Have you shared your thoughts and feelings on this situation with him? I get being offended by their supposed slight to you, but I don't get talking it over with your boyfriend... I mean fiancé, darn it.

    So, do you have a cordial relationship with his brother, and soon to be wife, or NOT?

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