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    Jaded_Dragonfly's Avatar
    Jaded_Dragonfly Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Dec 26, 2010, 03:15 PM
    Pregnant... how do I handle a harassing possible father?
    I got pregnant with my resent ex's child... or I think anyway. I was honest with him so he knew I had slept with another man during our split. I don't think my ex is the father. However he won't stop calling me or family members? He already said he would hunt me down if he didn't get to see his kid when we were together. I can't just tell him it might not be his kid cause I never know when his anger problem is going to flare up and backfire.

    He scares me and I feel trapped. He is already is trying to force the issue about being at the hospital. I went wanting this baby to wanting to give it up. What do I do?
    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,966, Reputation: 6056
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    #2

    Dec 26, 2010, 03:27 PM

    First, YOU control who is at the hospital. If he tries to get in have hospital security remove him. Warn them in advance.

    Second, you need to tell him he may not be the father. Tell him when the child is born you will have a paternity test done to determine who the father is. If he is the father you will want him to be a part of the child's life. But tell him his threats and attitude scare you and if he doesn't stop it will make you afraid about his being a father
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
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    #3

    Dec 26, 2010, 03:36 PM

    So you tell him the truth, he may not be the father and you will not know till after the baby is born and a DNA test is done.

    If he is a real threat get a order of protection to stop him from contacting you.

    He can not be at the hosptial if you do not allow it, you decide and can not be forced.
    Devorameira's Avatar
    Devorameira Posts: 2,461, Reputation: 981
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    #4

    Dec 27, 2010, 09:35 AM

    You need to tell him the truth about the possibility that he isn't the father.

    I know he's your ex, but you should be thrilled to know that he wants to take part in this child's life. Many men now-a-days walk away without taking any responsibility at all.
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,298, Reputation: 5646
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    #5

    Dec 27, 2010, 09:44 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Jaded_Dragonfly View Post
    He is already is trying to force the issue about being at the hospital. I went wanting this baby to wanting to give it up. What do I do?
    Firstly, he cannot force anything when it comes to the hospital. When you go to the hospital you sign in as a NoPub. This means that anyone who tries to get information on you is told that you are not a patient in the hospital. This means ANYONE. Not mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles, etc.

    So, if you want certain people to know that you are there, you need to enact a phone tree.

    As far as giving it up for adoption, though, he will have to be notified. If he is the biological father, he will have to terminate his rights just as you will.

    This can all be done through the hospital's Case Management team so that you and he do not have to be brought together in a face-to-face meeting.
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,298, Reputation: 5646
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    #6

    Dec 27, 2010, 09:45 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Devorameira View Post
    You need to tell him the truth about the possibility that he isn't the father.

    I know he's your ex, but you should be thrilled to know that he wants to take part in this child's life. Many men now-a-days walk away without taking any responsibility at all.
    Read the OP again...

    "he scares me."
    cdad's Avatar
    cdad Posts: 12,700, Reputation: 1438
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    #7

    Dec 27, 2010, 12:42 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by J_9 View Post
    As far as giving it up for adoption, though, he will have to be notified. If he is the biological father, he will have to terminate his rights just as you will.

    This can all be done through the hospital's Case Management team so that you and he do not have to be brought together in a face-to-face meeting.

    This information may not be true at your location. The laws vary widely on this. There are safe haven / safe harbor laws on the books that allow a child to be given up by just 1 parent. No questions asked. So mostly it depends on where you live as to what can happen in your case.
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