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Violet31 · Oct 10, 2015, 05:13 PM

I ended what I considered an unhealthy friendship many years ago. The friendship was not good for me and it took a long time to make it clear to the person I wanted to end the friendship. I have not spoken with her or contacted her in years.

Last week I buried my mother and she probably read about it in the papers. In any case, she sent me a long letter via Facebook acting like we were still best of friends and how she felt sad she missed the funeral. I would have told her to leave had she showed up - my mother was buried in a private.

I wonder what is the best approach so she will leave me alone. Not replying, or replying in a polite but distant way. I do not want her back into my life. Maybe I was not clear enough when I ended our friendship and maybe it needs to come out now, I´m not sure.

She bullied me and tried to put me down every time she got and her temper used to scare me. When I confided in her, she broke the confidence. She tried to sleep with the men I was interested in.

Wondergirl · Oct 10, 2015, 05:56 PM

You said she's been out of your life for years, and it was your mother's obit that must have caught her eye.

Do nothing. NO CONTACT. Do not acknowledge her FB note. If you do, she will jump on the reconnection train and get off at your station. Ignore her.

smoothy · Oct 10, 2015, 06:19 PM

I agree... ignore her and she will go away. If you don't then you deserve whatever happens next. Because you know what she's like. And a leopard can't change its spots.

talaniman · Oct 10, 2015, 07:06 PM

Ignoring her is the best course of action. Don't let her use your mother's death as a chance to reconnect.

Fr_Chuck · Oct 11, 2015, 12:07 AM

I agree, do nothing, and block her on Facebook, so she can not contact you. After that, if she contacts you again.. tell her, don't be polite, that you do not want to have contact with her

Wondergirl · Oct 11, 2015, 08:36 AM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

I agree, do nothing, and block her on Facebook, so she can not contact you. After that, if she contacts you again.. tell her, don't be polite, that you do not want to have contact with her

I wouldn't ever contact her. She might be hoping for ANY excuse to jump back into her life. Why open the door even a tiny bit?

Jake2008 · Oct 11, 2015, 05:54 PM

I have to say I really admire you to have the courage to end a toxic friendship. Too many carry on with friendships that are unbalanced, and only meeting the needs of the one putting the other down. Power and control usually.

Anyway, I say like the others have, don't contact her, or answer any mail. Should she persist and call you, politely say you are not willing to discuss the funeral, and hang up. Then block her.

It won't be any tougher than letting her go in the first place. Sounds like she needs a reminder.

hanhtrinhxanh20 · Oct 11, 2015, 08:59 PM

It is a part of your life and you can think about it but in some cases you can do nothing for it anymore.

Violet31 · Oct 12, 2015, 04:09 PM

Originally Posted by Jake2008

I have to say I really admire you to have the courage to end a toxic friendship. Too many carry on with friendships that are unbalanced, and only meeting the needs of the one putting the other down. Power and control usually.

Anyway, I say like the others have, don't contact her, or answer any mail. Should she persist and call you, politely say you are not willing to discuss the funeral, and hang up. Then block her.

It won't be any tougher than letting her go in the first place. Sounds like she needs a reminder.

Thanks for that, Jake. I allowed it to continue for too long before I had the courage to really end it. But it was worth it and I felt a huge burden had lifted when it was over.

Thank you all for your advice. I won´t be contacting her at all and will block her on Facebook. If she contacts me by phone or by any other means, I will put the phone down. This was a reminder for me as well, to not let toxic people into my life.