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    rockerchick_682's Avatar
    rockerchick_682 Posts: 496, Reputation: 72
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    #1

    Dec 23, 2007, 10:09 PM
    Not going to a funeral?
    So my "best" friend and I haven't really been getting along lately. I really think that it's the turning point in our lives (going to college) and we're going separate ways. We just seem to be changing really fast, or it's just me. Her cousin committed suicide and she doesn't want to go to the funeral because she doesn't like funerals. SELFISH! It's the last time she'll get to say goodbye and she's going to be selfish and not go because she doesn't like it. So I kind of feel like I'm being really one-sided on this, but does anyone have any input?
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,304, Reputation: 7691
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    #2

    Dec 23, 2007, 10:23 PM
    We each grieve in our own ways and time. Many people don't like going to funerals but like to remember them alive and honor them in their own ways. This is their own peronsonal choice and really not yours to judge them
    oneguyinohio's Avatar
    oneguyinohio Posts: 1,302, Reputation: 196
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    #3

    Dec 23, 2007, 10:26 PM
    Each person has their own way of dealing with death. Attending a funeral service is not necessary for everyone. Some people feel that the service is more for the living people who attend, and to offer support for them. Many people are not comfortable providing that support. A person should not have to go unless they desire to be part of it, and if they need it for personal closure. It does not mean that she did not care for the deceased, only that she chooses to deal with it in other ways. She may not need the support of others in dealing with things, and would feel very uncomfortable attending.
    s_cianci's Avatar
    s_cianci Posts: 5,473, Reputation: 760
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    #4

    Dec 23, 2007, 10:28 PM
    Well it's really not your problem to worry about. I will say that your "friend" is going to have to learn to accept the idea of death sooner or later as she will experience it more and more right on up until the time of her own death. Talking to a grief counselor can help. What's she going to do when her mother and father go?
    rockerchick_682's Avatar
    rockerchick_682 Posts: 496, Reputation: 72
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    #5

    Dec 23, 2007, 10:29 PM
    Thank you. I think I'm just over-reacting to things she's been saying because of major decisions that have been upsetting me. It was kind of the way she said it. I asked if she was going to the funeral and she said she wasn't going because she doesn't like funerals. I'll just shut up and let it be, I'm just making myself look stupid. I see your point. It just seems ubsurd to me not to say goodbye that way. I just have a harder time letting go.
    oneguyinohio's Avatar
    oneguyinohio Posts: 1,302, Reputation: 196
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    #6

    Dec 23, 2007, 10:36 PM
    You mentioned some other issues going on in this friendship. Sometimes, when you are upset with a person, it is vey easy to see negatives in many other areas involving that person that do not directly relate to the original issue that was upsetting in the relationship. If distancing yourself from the person is involved, it is often easier when you find many things wrong with them, in your perception, to make your feelings about them even stronger.
    rockerchick_682's Avatar
    rockerchick_682 Posts: 496, Reputation: 72
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    #7

    Dec 23, 2007, 10:39 PM
    I think that's exactly what I'm doing. I'm going on vacation in a couple days so I'm going to try and distance myself and not talk to her for a while. I think we need a break to refresh things.

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