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    awareteen's Avatar
    awareteen Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    May 30, 2010, 09:59 PM
    No proper communication within the family
    I'm 17 and my family always eats meals together. However, we rarely talk while eating - just dead silence. I try to start conversations but the answers I get are always "okay", "yeah", "fine" and so on. I've tried to talk this over with my family but they keep saying that it's nothing and it's all in my mind. But it's not. I tried to start a conversation again while having lunch today and my younger sister actually told me that "I'm too noisy".

    It wasn't always this way. My parents used to chat a lot during lunch back when I was younger. Now it's as if we're just a couple of strangers sitting on the same table.

    No amount of prodding in private gets my mom to tell me anything. Same with my dad.

    The situation in our house is getting me really depressed and I tell my mom this and she just tells me that there's no such thing as depression in our genes. And so I just shut up.
    Clough's Avatar
    Clough Posts: 26,677, Reputation: 1649
    Uber Member

    May 30, 2010, 10:26 PM
    Hi, awareteen!

    I would consider yourself fortunate that at least your family does take the time to sit down and eat meals together. So many families these days don't even do that together.

    You've tried to have conversations with your parents about the silence. What are some of the things that you've said to them about your concerns, please?

    Also, perhaps "old tapes" in the minds of people in your family are being played and perhaps you might want to consider acting and reacting differently but pro-actively, so that they might be more inclined towards conversing with each other? In order to act and react differently as well as pro-actively, perhaps some new strategies need to come into play?

    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,327, Reputation: 10855

    May 31, 2010, 05:10 AM

    What besides the 'dinner time" conversation is it that has you feeling this way. Sometimes kids pick up things that adults don't realize, and sometimes as we grow older, we don't realize that things are on peoples minds, and we don't know how to react.

    Your growing, and changing yourself, and its natural for you to see things differently, is why I ask is this the only thing that has changed in your house. Are you going to college soon?
    Devorameira's Avatar
    Devorameira Posts: 2,461, Reputation: 981
    Ultra Member

    May 31, 2010, 02:45 PM

    It's great that you do sit down and eat together - many families don't even do that.

    Is there something particular that's bothering you in your family that you think needs to be discussed?
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert

    Jun 1, 2010, 06:32 AM
    If this is your only problem, you really don't have much to complain about.

    Taking the no conversation at the dinner table to suddenly include a depressive atmosphere all the way around, seems a bit of a stretch.

    Communication does not have to be verbal. That you sit with your family all together for a meal, is a rare situation in most households today. Somebody made the meal, somebody paid for the food that made the meal, and the goal was to have the family together to eat. What could be wrong with that kind of communication.

    You are all enjoying something together, and should think about the work that went into making it happen, which is also non verbal. It's not a special event that you eat together, it is something provided to you, in order to provide family time together, day in and day out, which means it took some organizing and juggling with everybody's schedule to make it happen in the first place.

    I presume you show some gratitude by helping plan, shop, prepare, serve, and cleanup?
    cdad's Avatar
    cdad Posts: 12,700, Reputation: 1438
    Internet Research Expert

    Jun 2, 2010, 03:17 PM

    For one thing its rude to talk with food in your mouth. So dinner isn't the best time to start a conversation. Other then small talk or quick chit-chat dinner is about eating. Or for that matter anytime a meal is served. Maybe you can try something novel. Since fathers day is coming up. Maybe consider buying your dad a game that the family can play. There are many good ones out there. Board games and card games abound. That would be a good time for conversation. When your having fun people are more likely to talk and open up. Think about it and maybe give it a try.

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