I have a 10 mo. Old healthy granddaughter who was born prematurely. My son is her father. I was there at her birth. My husband and I each spent overnights helping and later, full days alone caring for the for the baby when mom went back to work. Other relatives pitched in as well. I took care of the baby full time at my house for 5 weeks last summer. The other grandparents arrived late summer from out of the country and are living with my son and daughter in law to help with child care for 6 months. I had continued to take the baby to my house 1-2 days per week to give the other grandparents a break and to continue to have a close relationship with my granddaughter. My husband would sometimes stop home from work to spend a little time with the baby. I was getting to know the other grandparents well and it seemed like we had a good cooperative relationship. I kept to a fairly regular schedule until suddenly one morning my daughter in law called to say I could no longer take the baby. She said I could come to their house to see her. She said the baby was acting differently after being at my house and sometimes had dilated eyes after we brought her back (recently it was dark out when we brought her). I asked my daughter in law if she could relate this to anything else such as that I was asked several times on my days to take the baby to the doctor to get her vaccines. My daughter in law said she couldn't point to anything in particular or describe the changes in the baby's behavior. She mentioned that my husband recently cared for the baby by himself (with her permission) as if it might be adding to the problem.
My husband and I had a meeting with my son and daughter in law to try to find out what is going on and to tell her we are very hurt by this situation. My daughter in law admitted that she had never observed anything strange herself and that she was going by what her mother reported. Apparently, her mother is scared that my husband may have been abusive to my granddaughter. She refused to come to the meeting to talk about it. My son says he hasn't observed anything unusual. He and my daughter in law are at a stand off. I told them they need to learn how to make decisions together. They went to a counseling session... we'll see. In the meantime my husband refuses to go over there to see the baby. I went over because I want to keep my relationship with my granddaughter because it is good for both of us. I feel so helpless. Is there any way to improve this?