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    anonymous2018's Avatar
    anonymous2018 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Aug 13, 2018, 03:04 PM
    I need a manís opinion on this. Am I overreacting? Should I get over it and move on o
    WARNING- disturbing content.

    My boyfriend, let's call him Stan- 26 years old, has a friend named Aaron- 26 years old. They have known each other for about 10 years now. Stan and I have a two-year-old son together and Aaron and his girlfriend also have a two-year-old son together. Aaron's girlfriend has a daughter from her previous relationship who is about 6 years old now.
    Stan and Aaron have always been obnoxious together. They think it's funny to push each other's boundaries by making inappropriate comments, yell very loud and ridiculous things randomly, etc. They act the way you would expect high school boys to act, not grown adults...
    Anyway, I have never had a problem with Aaron before. In fact, we got along just fine aside from when Stan and Aaron would act up together. However, as soon as we each had our sons, Aaron decided to push the boundaries to the limit by making gestures and comments towards his children.
    At the hospital after Aaron's son was born, he was showing him off to Stan, me, and our newborn. Aaron decided to pretend like he was sucking his son's private parts off and saying "I'm just going to suck off Jergson" or some stupid crap like that. (Jergson is a joke between Stan and Aaron) He leaned in yet was still a decent distance from his son's private parts which were, thankfully, covered by a diaper. Aaron moved his head back and forth as if he were giving his son a bj. It was strange enough behavior to question him but not necessarily threatening enough to report him... I was instantly uncomfortable and wanted to leave. I mentioned how strange and unusual that was to Stan when we left but he got mad at me for "overreacting" and brushed it off as if it were nothing. I decided maybe it was just an awkward sense of humor and as long as nothing like that happened again, it will probably be fine.
    So! We all decided to meet up for lunch one day. It was Stan and I, Aaron and his girlfriend and Aaron's girlfriend's daughter who was about 4 at the time. After our food came out, Aaron's girlfriend's daughter reached over to grab something off Aaron's plate and he instantly said (very loudly), "touch my food and I'll touch your tits" to this little girl. Aaron's girlfriend did not do a thing!!
    This was the last straw for me. I told Stan that I did not want them in our lives anymore. I was so uncomfortable about the situation. Stan got furious with me and told me I was being ridiculous. He said he knows how Aaron is, he claims to know who Aaron is, and he knows he is not a child molester. He said he was simply pushing the boundaries again. I told him that no normal person makes comments or gestures like that! Therefore, Stan, our son, and I did not have anything to do with these people for a very long time. Aaron got incredibly offended that I would think that he might have actually meant what he said and did. He said if he would have known that I would have reacted the way that I did, he would have never said or done it. To me, that is not the point. Even the fact that it crossed his mind was disturbing enough to me.
    Stan has managed to remain friends with Aaron through all of this. He stopped being friends with him for about a year and then they started talking to each other again and would hang out once in a while. I was not okay with it, but Stan did not care what I thought anymore. He said that I kept him away from his friend for too long. He said that Aaron did not mean anything by it and that I needed to get over it.
    It has been two years now since the incidence and Stan keeps trying to get me to be accepting of them again. The way I look at it is, no one in their right mind would make comments like that about children. Not even as a jokeÖ
    Now, I understand that females might react much differently than men might about certain things. Thatís why I am wanting grown adult male opinions over this matter. I want to know if it should be a concern of mine for a grown adult who has children to make inappropriate comments about his children or if itís something I should try to get over.
    I have even suggested to Stan that at this point, I donít care if he wants to surround himself with negative people, I just donít want our son or myself around them. I got so tired of fighting with him over this situation that I am trying to negotiate with him.

    Am I overreacting or does this give you a weird vibe as well?
    Oliver2011's Avatar
    Oliver2011 Posts: 2,606, Reputation: 746
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    #2

    Aug 13, 2018, 03:37 PM
    Overreacting? HECK NO. That behavior is vile, disgusting, immature, inappropriate - just about any word would work in this situation. I actually think it's cool you stood up for your beliefs. You know when you start to grow as a person, you grow up. What we did in high school is what we did in high school. I wouldn't want to be around him either. But then again, I grew up.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,761, Reputation: 5426
    Jobs & Parenting Expert
     
    #3

    Aug 13, 2018, 04:12 PM
    I totally agree with Oliver, PLUS Aaron and Stan are supposed to be role models for their children. Does Aaron want his children to be using pejorative/derogatory words and mimicking his off-color actions? (They will.) And what about adults and children who hear and see him talking/behaving this way?
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 53,884, Reputation: 10852
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    #4

    Aug 13, 2018, 05:16 PM
    What he did and said is not okay by any stretch of the imagination. The idiot probably has never been called on his behavior so kudos for you checking his butt! Now check your boyfriend for being an idiot enabler. Demand better you get better.
    SomeRandomTeen's Avatar
    SomeRandomTeen Posts: 11, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Aug 22, 2018, 02:18 PM
    You said you wanted a male opinion right? Well here you go.
    So are you overreacting?
    Yes, but I don't think overreact is the right word.
    You see men like to play around, tease each other, stuff like that.
    Quite a lot of us have a perverted sense of humour, of which I can undertand is easy to take the wrong way.
    The thing is... I grew up with the exact same treatment as Aaron was giving the children.
    And I (In my own opinion) turned out fine. I think it actually might have helped me since from that I have learned,
    to not take things too seriously and keep jokes as jokes, and not to care about others opinions.
    Aaron does really seem like a responssible guy, and I'll just say... Maybe ease up a bit.
    Don't take it as an attack, keep it as a joke.

    And if you want my true opinion then:
    TRIGGER WARNING

    You seem like a really annoying person who can't take a joke.
    You probably think that jokes about ISIS aren't funny, and everyone who laughts at them is a moron.
    Just loosen up a bit.
    What i'd do is to take a day (not a work or an otherwise busy day) and do not complain about anything. And I mean anything.
    Fridge was left open, quiet. You reaaallly wanna stop your neighbour from playing the music so god damn loud, quiet. You get he point.
    I like to start with the extreme and then tune it down.
    Might not work for you but hey, atleast you tried not to be boring.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,272, Reputation: 7690
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    #6

    Aug 22, 2018, 05:50 PM
    I would say under reacting, if you did not say or do something right when it happened, calling them sick and disgusting. Comments around small children is abuse (even if no touching) and to be honest would make them unfit parents who I would hope children's services would be involved.

    I would have called them on such actions, which it happened, and called children's service on some of it.

    You need to get your child away from such people
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,253, Reputation: 5642
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    #7

    Aug 22, 2018, 08:34 PM
    You are not overreacting in the least bit. Personally, I feel you were under reacting. Time to put the breaks on and get this disgusting pervert out of your lives and away from all children within the reach of his arms.

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