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    I'm 48 an my mom has always hated me can anyone tell me why?

    Asked Apr 1, 2010, 07:07 AM 5 Answers
    My mom never ever come to see me, she never ever calls me, she talks about me , she puts me down she told people she only had 2 daughters when she reallly has 3 she never includes me in family events. I've always been left out of every thing an she doesn't like my children either

    Last edited by talaniman; Nov 27, 2013 at 10:31 AM.
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    RickJ's Avatar
    RickJ Posts: 7,762, Reputation: 864
    Uber Member

    Apr 1, 2010, 07:14 AM

    It's hard to say why at this point, UNLESS this is a recent issue... and if it is, then you have to ask yourself honestly what may have caused it.

    If it's always been this way, then you have to come to grips with the fact that this is how your mother is.

    There are LOTS of great people monitoring this board: the more you can share about the relationship the better the people here will be able to help.
    Helpful (1)
    cdad's Avatar
    cdad Posts: 12,668, Reputation: 1435
    Internet Research Expert

    Apr 2, 2010, 08:44 AM

    No one here can mind read. But among many reasons could be that you are an illegitimate child. It wouldn't be the first time it has happened. And your mom may be tranfering her grief onto you. Its not right but Im just throwing an answer out there.
    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 8,007, Reputation: 3686
    Marriage Expert

    Apr 2, 2010, 09:11 AM

    Where do you fit in the birth order? If this has been constant through out your life, it may relate to a bad pregnancy, delivery, postpartum problems, etc. Is she the type who ignores people that she can't control or feels like she has no control over?

    If it is a fairly recent development, what was life with her like before she began this behavior? Could her behavior be influenced by other people? Does she have any signs of developing mental problems?

    Have you discussed this with your sisters or other family/friends? Have they been able to give you any insight?
    happykindalista's Avatar
    happykindalista Posts: 2, Reputation: 2
    New Member

    Apr 24, 2010, 10:56 AM

    I agree with Cat1864. My mom and I have a similar relationship and I am 33. I've always had a mind of my own and I grew up in an environment that believed in extreme control both at home and at church. It's possible that your mother just does not "get" you. I know that is the case with my mom.

    Did your dad favor you? If so that may be one of the reasons your mom seems to resent you. What are some of the other details in this situation?

    With the amount of info, I'll just say this, our parents behave towards us in a manner that makes them feel comfortable. It may not be the way we would like but we cannot control that. It's possible your mom is intimidated by you and wants to break your spirit in order to feel powerful. Who knows?

    Here is how I handle my mom:

    1. Agree with everything she says.

    2. If I absolutely cannot agree with something, stay quiet and just let her talk.

    3. When the conversation gets uncomfortable I say, "something just came up, let me call you later."

    4. Don't try to make her feel bad if she does not call. She will only gloat (on the inside) and use this as a control tactic because she knows it is a weak spot with you.

    5. Remember all of the orphans who do not have mothers. Yours may not be perfect but at least you have one.

    6. Remember that you can only control your own actions. Be the best that you can be according to your own since of morality and allow your mom to make her own choices... good or bad.

    Moms aren't perfect but neither are we. Love and forgive your mom for your own sake and focus on the positive things that are happening in your life.

    I wish you continued success in your life's journey! :)
    Helpful (1)
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert

    Apr 24, 2010, 04:26 PM

    If she doesn't have a problem with any of her children, except you, there must be a reason.

    You don't state any possibilities, so I will presume that you maybe want people to think you are a victim here, and your mother is a monster.

    That's pretty much the picture painted- so far. What she has said about you, is third hand, and not reliable.

    I hope you comment further.

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