Where to begin... well she's my best friend and really one of my only few friends, would be there for me whenever I needed her. She is however, a very high maintenance friend. For instance, wants all of my attention all the time, etc. It has caused a few arguments between us. I mean one time I was dating someone deployed, I hadn't heard from him in a few days and was crying. The people in the house were comforting me, and she just walked out because she "didn't like being ignored". But at the end of the day, she'd be there for me through thick and thin and we have fun times together. With that in mind, here's my situation...

I recently started dating a great guy who I have been spending a lot of time with. It's a new relationship, it's to be expected. I stay at his place a couple days a week, see him a couple times for a few hours throughout the week. I really enjoy spending time with him. So naturally, I went from spending a lot of time with my best friend, to spending less time with her in order to spend more time with the guy. Not that I entirely stopped spending time with her. I still hang out with her once or twice a week.

Now, I realize I went from spending more time with my best friend, to spending more time with this guy and how that could hurt her feelings. She's also right in saying that I do this whenever I meet a guy. On the other hand, OF COURSE I'm going to spend time with the guy I'm with. I don't altogether drop her, I still make time to do things with her. It's obviously just not as often.

Her boyfriend works nights, so she doesn't get to bring him on outings as often. He lives with her, so she gets to see him during the day, and if he is off at night she is with him without question. My point being, she hates feeling like a third wheel or left out at all, so I don't invite her to places my guy and I go in fear that she will be upset. In addition, before my guy and I got together, she and he talked all the time. They texted all the time, were friends, etc. The three of us hung out before anything had sparked between us. Now, she barely talks to him when he's around, is very short and nasty with him. He was at my house yesterday for my birthday and she came over, saw him, and went inside without saying anything. She had mentioned in passing (before we got together) that she had a small crush on him, so I'm not sure if that has something to do with her behavior or not. I took it lightly because she's been in a committed relationship for seven years, and when I told her my feelings for him she reacted in typical best friend way without hesitation. I have a feeling this may have something to do with it, since even though she's gotten mad at me for this before, she's never acted this way towards the guy I'm with.

So last night we all went to the boardwalk for my birthday. It was a few friends, her, my guy. Everything seemed fine. Knowing how she is, I made sure to pay ample attention to her (and everyone else) even though she and I spent the day together at the beach. I played arcade games with her, etc. I even asked my brother who was with us if I was giving enough attention to everyone. Everything seemed fine. Out of no where, she just starts pretty much ignoring me. It was towards the end of our time there that she started to get like this. My guy realized how she was acting, so we both tried our best to joke around with her, get her laughing, but she literally just didn't speak to him, and barely answered me. The only thing I can think happened was the two of them were standing there, I asked who wanted to play a game with me, and he spoke up first, so we played the game. (She and I had played one right before). I'm not positive if this is what it was, but I can't think of anything else. When we got home, she didn't say a word to me, just left. I waved at her, she just shot me a dirty look at drove off. I mean, it was my birthday... couldn't have at least gotten a "bye"?

My guy isn't short for trying. He keeps telling me we should invite her for a movie or dinner. He even wanted to take her to dinner in thanks because she is pretty much the reason he and I met. He likes her as a person, and tries his best to keep her involved, but she just acts like this.

I don't know how to handle this situation. I haven't said anything since she stormed off last night. Her getting mad because she doesn't get my undivided attention isn't new, but her acting this way towards the guy I'm with is. I want to save the friendship, I want to be able to hang out with either of them without feeling like she is just pissed off about it. Suggestions would be great.

Thank you!

You need boundaries, and your boyfriend should not interfere- no matter how well intentioned he is to appease your friend.

Think of her as a three year old. You're taking her through the grocery store, and she's wanting every box of anything with sugar in it. You keep saying 'no', then she ups the ante. Next thing you know, you hand her a box of sugar coated sugar balls. And you know that by giving in to her demands, you're surely going to be in for the same experience the next time you shop.

And so your friendship with this girl goes. You always do your best to try to understand her, and when she doesn't get enough of your time, you know it, and then you turn around and try harder, instead of taking the demand away.

You pay special attention to her so she doesn't feel left out, you worry that you don't spend enough time with her, (and that's why she behaves this way), and it gets to a point where you ask your brother as you said, if you're paying enough attention to her. Now your boyfriend figures that including her in his new relationship with you, will be enough.

It will never be enough.

Friendships are different than relationships; relationships with any boyfriend you may be seeing have nothing to do with your friendship with her, and you should not be feeling like you have to mollify her.

And you should not expect that any new relationship you have with a man, is contingent upon maintaining the demands, or worrying about, your girlfriend.

Her behaviour is very childish, and you have allowed, and accepted her bad behaviour without any correction.

Talk to her. Tell her exactly what you have written here. Let her know that you aren't going to worry about not hurting her feelings, when you have done nothing wrong. Expect to tell her that you will have OTHER relationships, that will NOT include her. Tell her you won't feel guilty if she acts like a three year old, pouting and giving you the could shoulder, until you give in, and try to make up time with her. Tell her she should have a little more respect for you, and show a little less possessiveness.

If you take the pressure off yourself, she will have to make changes, and accept changes in the relationship.

Relationships are a two way street, not a three way street. And friendships have to be equal, and mutually compatible, with both parties respectful of boundaries and expectations.