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    rakuten's Avatar
    rakuten Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Sep 13, 2013, 10:46 AM
    My father touches my sister!!
    I'm so embarrassed about askin' help about this problem, but I'm going crazy! I'm 22 and my sis is about to be 18. I know for sure that he touches her, and he keeps doing these exhibitionist things in front of her. Like acting as if he is accidentally showing his penis and a lotta other stuff! I have seen him do it many a time. I do not know what to do, I feel helpless and depressed just thinking what my sis would be going through. I cannot tell anyone this, cannot share it with my mother. Can't confront it directly with my dad. Can't ask my sister if it is causing her trouble. Cause I'm not that kind of a guy who is really into talking and stuff. Don't know what to do. My sister herself has never complained to anyone. Nor has she stopped him from doing such stuff. Sometimes I feel she might be okay with it. What should I do? How do I live with this? Please someone help!
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,846, Reputation: 5428
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    #2

    Sep 13, 2013, 10:52 AM
    Until you talk to your sister about this, you are going to be spinning your wheels and not accomplishing anything.

    Is your family open about nudity? -- and this is just the usual way they do things? Are you possibly seeing something that isn't really there?
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,086, Reputation: 10852
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    #3

    Sep 13, 2013, 11:32 AM
    You need to be the guy that can talk to your own sister. Then you won't have to imagine what she may be going through, or what needs to be done about it.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,825, Reputation: 2035
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    #4

    Sep 13, 2013, 11:37 AM
    You talk to your sister. At least open the door by saying "I've been noticing inappropriate things dad is doing. I want to help you any way I can". Very likely she is crying inside that she doesn't have anybody to open up to or afraid nobody will believe her. You saying something can help relieve her embarrassment of speaking up.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
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    #5

    Sep 13, 2013, 11:42 AM
    You have SEEN him do sexually explicit exhibitionist behaviours, and you say you 'know' that he is sexually abusing her.

    What are you waiting for. Confirmation can come later- you need to step up and deal with this, because obviously nobody else is.

    NO she is not OK with it. It has probably gone on for years.

    I feel sick about this. Please DO something. Go to the police department and tell them what you know. Your mother may not want to get involved, but she IS involved if what you say is going on and she's turning a blind eye. Somebody will and should hold her accountable.

    Get your sister information from any women's shelter on sexual abuse- where to go for help, who to contact, how to stay safe, how to get support and legal advice, etc. etc. There is help, and she needs help.
    rakuten's Avatar
    rakuten Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Sep 13, 2013, 12:13 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    Until you talk to your sister about this, you are going to be spinning your wheels and not accomplishing anything.

    Is your family open about nudity? -- and this is just the usual way they do things? Are you possibly seeing something that isn't really there?
    THANK YOU.
    No, my family is not open about nudity, not at all the usual way they do things, and I'm quite sure this is going on. Actually a hundred percent sure. I am from India, things here are pretty orthodox and stuff, and I don't know if this is normal between father and daughter or is it just wrong?
    rakuten's Avatar
    rakuten Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Sep 13, 2013, 12:21 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Jake2008 View Post
    You have SEEN him do sexually explicit exhibitionist behaviours, and you say you 'know' that he is sexually abusing her.

    What are you waiting for. Confirmation can come later- you need to step up and deal with this, because obviously nobody else is.

    NO she is not ok with it. It has probably gone on for years.

    I feel sick about this. Please DO something. Go to the police department and tell them what you know. Your mother may not want to get involved, but she IS involved if what you say is going on and she's turning a blind eye. Somebody will and should hold her accountable.

    Get your sister information from any women's shelter on sexual abuse- where to go for help, who to contact, how to stay safe, how to get support and legal advice, etc. etc. There is help, and she needs help.
    THANK YOU.
    Im in India, the police here is a joke. I too feel my mom knows and is turning a blind eye. Where should I go for help? Is there a PM thing on this site?
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
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    #8

    Sep 13, 2013, 12:26 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by rakuten View Post
    THANK YOU.
    Im in India, the police here is a joke. I too feel my mom knows and is turning a blind eye. Where should i go for help? is there a PM thing on this site?
    Yes, I see where you are coming from, although 4 were just given death sentences for rape. Maybe things are improving and police are more alert to swifter action and punishment of the guilty.

    I would advise you to not do the p.m. thing, and get as many responses as you can that you can read, and read again. Hopefully some of our members from your country, can better advise you of what or where to go.

    In the meanwhile, what would happen if you talked to your father? Maybe approached him with other family members?

    With this veil of silence, I'm not convinced that your sister will be able to speak for herself without repercussions.
    rakuten's Avatar
    rakuten Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #9

    Sep 13, 2013, 12:27 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by talaniman View Post
    You need to be the guy that can talk to your own sister. Then you won't have to imagine what she may be going thru, or what needs to be done about it.
    THANK YOU.
    I don't know if I can! I am just too embarrassed to talk about it. Is there any any chance that she might be okay with it?? Coz she is a pretty tough girl and I know that if something was causing her harm or pain she would speak up about it.
    rakuten's Avatar
    rakuten Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #10

    Sep 13, 2013, 12:40 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Jake2008 View Post
    Yes, I see where you are coming from, although 4 were just given death sentences for rape. Maybe things are improving and police are more alert to swifter action and punishment of the guilty.

    I would advise you to not do the p.m. thing, and get as many responses as you can that you can read, and read again. Hopefully some of our members from your country, can better advise you of what or where to go.

    In the meanwhile, what would happen if you talked to your father? Maybe approached him with other family members?

    With this veil of silence, I'm not convinced that your sister will be able to speak for herself without repercussions.
    I just cannot do that. I can't talk to him directly at all! Another thing is my sister is a pretty tough girl and she will speak up about something if she has a problem with it, and I know that very well. Do you think that maybe, she is okay with it? I don't know I am feeling so confused and sick, gosh this is the first time I have talked about it to someone. I feel a little better. Thanks once again.
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,825, Reputation: 2035
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    #11

    Sep 13, 2013, 12:44 PM
    IF she is OK with it its only because she has conditioned herself to be tough. That does not make it OK.
    rakuten's Avatar
    rakuten Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #12

    Sep 13, 2013, 12:48 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by N0help4u View Post
    IF she is ok with it its only because she has conditioned herself to be tough. That does not make it ok.
    Okay I see , like bred in this way? I know this has been happening since she was very very young. He did this kind of stuff to me too when I was very young.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,846, Reputation: 5428
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    #13

    Sep 13, 2013, 12:49 PM
    Unfortunately, in some parts (many parts?) of India, women and girls are considered men's property. Men and boys rule the household, and women are nothing and can be used as amusement or be beaten or whatever. That may be part of the problem.

    Do you think he is sexually abusing her?
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #14

    Sep 13, 2013, 12:50 PM
    Can you describe the actual touching, both of you when you were young, and of her?
    N0help4u's Avatar
    N0help4u Posts: 19,825, Reputation: 2035
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    #15

    Sep 13, 2013, 12:50 PM
    You need to talk to her first. Then confront him
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,846, Reputation: 5428
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    #16

    Sep 13, 2013, 12:51 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by rakuten View Post
    He did this kinda stuff to me too when i was very young.
    He touched or fondled you? Sexually abused you?
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,086, Reputation: 10852
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    #17

    Sep 13, 2013, 12:52 PM
    You drive yourself crazy assuming and presuming so if you cannot talk to her directly of your concerns then you are at an impasse. Overcome your inability to get facts from the source or you can help no one, not even yourself.

    Make decision my friend. Based on FACTS, and not just confused muddled feelings. Then follow through.
    rakuten's Avatar
    rakuten Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #18

    Sep 13, 2013, 12:56 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by joypulv View Post
    Can you describe the actual touching, both of you when you were young, and of her?
    When I'm just out of bed in a very sleepy state he used to stoke my hard on, and the same with my sister, he touched her between her legs when she was in deep sleep. This is when we were young. Now it's like he does crazy unthinkable stuff !
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 37,846, Reputation: 5428
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    #19

    Sep 13, 2013, 12:58 PM
    If you know she was sexually abused when you were both young, she will know you were too. Use that as a jumping off point for talking with her. Like Tal said, she is the one you need to go to -- as the abused person and as your dear sister who knows the whole story and who won't lie to you.
    rakuten's Avatar
    rakuten Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #20

    Sep 13, 2013, 12:59 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Wondergirl View Post
    Unfortunately, in some parts (many parts?) of India, women and girls are considered men's property. Men and boys rule the household, and women are nothing and can be used as amusement or be beaten or whatever. That may be part of the problem.

    Do you think he is sexually abusing her?
    Yes in some backward places in The Country it is like that, but in my family my mom is the man of the house and she runs the show . In my house it is not like that. I think he is.

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