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    kimer's Avatar
    kimer Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Nov 14, 2009, 09:09 AM
    Doughter in law from hell
    How do I deal with a daughter in law from Brazil that my son married after only knowing her for 6 months. They have been married 2 years now
    She treats me terrible, threatens constently to take my son and move to Brazil so I never see him again.
    We are a very close family (or were) till she joined it.
    This is not just me, all my son'e friends find her odd and feel that he got in way over his head.
    I do nothing but cry, and my son feels terrible that this has happened to our family. But does say he loves her, and made a comittment to her.
    She has slapped him across the face in front of my family, calls him stupid, and the other day we had a birhtday party or my grandson and they came, but soon as we cut the cake, and she finished her piece she yelled at my son to get up they were leaving. My son wasn't even done, but I know that there was some deal made for her to come, because she never comes to family things. But my son always comes alone. He never misses.
    He has sold his house moved out of the area 2 hours away, changed jobs.
    My daughter told me that Marcia said that she wanted to sell the house because my son said they can't move to Brazil he has a mortgage on this house and can't just walk away.
    Now the rent, which my son said its on;y for 1 yr. till they find something they like. But said they made a big profit on the house. I asked if he invested it. He said no. that Marcia's cousin is a banker in Brazil and she is asking him how to invest it.
    Now I just heard that she is going to Brazil. I am afraid that she is taking the money and running. My son is saying nothing.
    Should I ask him what's going on.. I know I should stay out of it. But he is such a hard worker, had so many friends, played hockey, baseball etc. and now does nothing. Just works.
    She will only shop at Guess, or expensive stores and will only buy brand name things.
    She also said that if my son and her split, she talked to a lawyer and he will have to pay her over $1000.00 spousal cause she has a language issue.
    I told my son this and she said that I was lying. But that's what she told me and my daughter.

    I am sick over this HELP!!
    Perito's Avatar
    Perito Posts: 3,139, Reputation: 150
    Ultra Member

    Nov 14, 2009, 09:14 AM

    The marriage is probably doomed -- partly because of you, partly because of her husband (your son), and partly because of you.

    Keep your mouth shut. Your interference is simply aggravating the situation.
    Jake2008's Avatar
    Jake2008 Posts: 6,721, Reputation: 3460
    Emotional Health Expert

    Nov 14, 2009, 09:46 PM
    I'm really sorry your new daughter in law is wreaking so much havoc in the lives of everyone.

    It sounds impossible not to be 'involved', when she treats you directly with a very bad and disrespectful attitude.

    Because she does not seem to want to fit in with the family is one thing. She could remain silent, and just do her own thing, without slapping your son, being bossy, making threatening remarks, and otherwise making everyone's life miserable when she shows up for family functions.

    I think that while it may be the 'right' thing to do by not getting involved in your son's life, and he is likely quite aware of how he is being abused and used by her, if it were my son, and this was happening to him, I would make one final gesture, only to him.

    I would probably write him a letter, or send him an email. Avoid mentioning her at all, as this will only aggravate her and make things worse for him. Tell him that while he is sorting out his life and marriage, that you do not wish to interfere, but you only want him to know that you are there for him. If he wishes to talk, he is more than welcome to contact you any time, anywhere. Short and sweet.

    Then, stop taking the abuse from his wife. Make it clear she is not welcome in your home because of her bad behaviour, and you will no longer make concessions for it. This is your home, and THAT, you do have control over. I would not welcome her in my home either, without a lot of convincing that she has changed.

    Other than that, you really have to not interfere. You have made your thoughts known to your son, and you are dealing with her. Now it is up to them how to live their lives. As hard as it is, he will likely have to learn the hard way that he's been had.

    I know my answer is not politically correct, and in most instances, mothers in law should not be so intertwined with their adult children's lives. But, I think that this is an exception because obviously she wishes not to be a member of the family, treat anybody with respect (including your son), and chooses act in a boorish, selfish, self-centered way.

    Only time will solve this one, and your son will have to make his own decisions without your input.
    Gemini54's Avatar
    Gemini54 Posts: 2,871, Reputation: 1116
    Ultra Member

    Nov 17, 2009, 12:21 AM
    What a horrible woman your DIL sounds - boorish indeed!

    Sadly people like this can split families apart and wreak havoc on what used to be pleasant family functions.

    Your son has made his decisions - about Marcia, about the sale of the house, about potentially moving to Brazil. She's a gold digger and he's been caught in her web. He allows her to treat him badly and to control him - there is absolutely nothing that you can do about this. He's a big boy and he has to deal with the consequences of his (bad) decisions.

    What you can do is let him know that you care about him and that you will support him regardless of anything Monster Marcia does. If she runs with the money, or divorces him then so be it. I suspect that he will, eventually, limp back to the family fold.

    The one thing I can say is, pray they don't have children.
    spoilsport's Avatar
    spoilsport Posts: 50, Reputation: 2
    Junior Member

    Nov 19, 2009, 12:23 AM

    Set rules for your home, be there for your son when he needs you. Behave in a way that no one can blame you for interfering- don't bad mouth, mostly your son knows exactly whom he has married and knows what his options are. You can pray to god that your son finds peace and love and hope for the best

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