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    blahknees's Avatar
    blahknees Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Oct 16, 2010, 03:14 PM
    I don't want to be a recluse anymore
    For the last three years of college I've been best friends with this one girl. We lived together, travelled the world together, we had christmas dinners together, we did everything together. Then a few months ago, she started acting different, and not inviting me to things, until finally she started getting my other friends to stop talking to me also by spreading rumors and lies. So now I have lost ALL my friends (apparently "adults" will always act like they are in grade school). All I have left is my boyfriend and now I'm becoming too dependent on my boyfriend. I'm becoming so dependent that I start little fights on little things all the time, if he does anything I don't like. I know advice would be to find other friends to spend time with so I don't get overly dependent on my boyfriend. But the thing is, I'm shy and awkward, and what friends I did have were extremely hard for me to open up to. Now I don't think anyone is trustworthy or worth any time cause in the end they will leave you. Any advice on how to get out of this rut?

    All I do now is sit around and count down the hours until my only friend, my boyfriend, will come over. He's always late.
    beachloverjohn's Avatar
    beachloverjohn Posts: 491, Reputation: 242
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    #2

    Oct 16, 2010, 04:41 PM

    Well first of all, be thankful your boyfriend has stood by you. He sounds like he really cares about you. Now as far as the friend situation, my advice is exactly what you said not to give you. But I don't see what choice you have. You have to find new friends. You have to go out to social functions, join clubs, participate in activities, get friendly with your boyfriends friends, anything that will be considered social networking. They will not come to you, so you are going to have to do it. It's just going to take a little practice, but you'll get the hang of it..

    One thing, don't judge everyone by the actions of your former friend. More people can be trusted than can't be, so the odds are in your favor.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
    Jobs & Parenting Expert
     
    #3

    Oct 16, 2010, 04:46 PM

    I'm thinking you have a problem setting boundaries, even with your boyfriend. I can suggest a book or two, there's lots on Internet about setting boundaries -- or even working with a counselor for a few sessions would help you learn how to do this.
    blahknees's Avatar
    blahknees Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Oct 16, 2010, 05:19 PM
    Comment on Wondergirl's post
    That's interesting.. what are the book titles?
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 39,354, Reputation: 5431
    Jobs & Parenting Expert
     
    #5

    Oct 16, 2010, 05:41 PM

    I used to listen to these guys and their guests on my way to work every day. They have a definite Christian agenda, so if that doesn't bother you and you can find the gems in their books(s), this particular one is a good for for defining boundary problems, figuring out if you have a problem with setting boundaries, and then figuring out ways to deal with it --

    Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No-To Take Control of Your Life by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend

    Also, another suggestion is --

    Where to Draw the Line: How to Set Healthy Boundaries Every Day by Anne Katherine

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