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    SweetDee's Avatar
    SweetDee Posts: 534, Reputation: 51
    Senior Member
     
    #1

    May 15, 2011, 06:06 AM
    Do I tell?
    So my husband has these golf mates and last night we got together with a new couple... They invited us over to see their new yaht. We had cocktails and dinner and it would have been a very fun evening had the husband not made an overt pass at me. I had gone downstairs (is it called a galley?) to refresh the ice in my beverage and he followed me. He was very flirty and VERY clear about the pass. I dismissed it and made a joke... quickly returning to my husband upstairs with his wife. She's a very lovely person, might I add. I like her VERY much.

    He's "the forth" in my husbands golf group (apparently 4 is the number of people that one needs best in golf). I am not sure if it's worth upsetting my husband over. If we have to spend time with this couple and it happens again I think it wouldn't be honest to my man if I omit this. We usually only have around 4-5 get togethers over the golf season (3 months of golf season).

    Any advice? :)
    adviceishere's Avatar
    adviceishere Posts: 1,027, Reputation: 492
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    #2

    May 15, 2011, 06:38 AM
    Personally if I was in your position I would tell my husband, I would stay out of this couples business though but telling your husband will mean you guys can stay away from him as much as possible and it will hopefully keep you from having to come into such a situation again.

    Obviously you won't want to find yourself alone with him again and you will probably have to keep making up excuses' to your husband in order to do this, so telling him is for the best in my opinion. At least he will know why your trying to keep your distance.
    DoulaLC's Avatar
    DoulaLC Posts: 10,488, Reputation: 1952
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    #3

    May 15, 2011, 07:06 AM

    I would do the same. Had he been drinking? Not an excuse for bad behaviour but it may account for part of it.

    You could tell your husband that "Bill just did the weirdest thing........" Your husband may think he was joking around, or perhaps he may know something about "Bill's" reputation that you don't. At least if it were to happen again, you will have already made him aware.

    If it does happen again, let your husband know, and also tell "Bill" in no uncertain terms that his behaviour is not welcome and you know his wife "Sarah" would be appalled to hear about it.

    Hopefully it was a one off and it won't happen again. Your husband may need to find a new fourth for his game.
    JudyKayTee's Avatar
    JudyKayTee Posts: 46,505, Reputation: 4600
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    #4

    May 15, 2011, 07:15 AM

    I would say nothing to my husband. I also would have handled the "pass" in a very different fashion. I make it clear right then and there that I am not interested and the person is out of line. "I hope I'm misunderstanding you because if I'm not, I'm very offended" usually works. Hopefully it was the alcohol speaking.

    I was approached by "friends" after my husband died - I guess widows are perceived to be desperate, moving targets. Don't misunderstand me. Men were not beating down my door but I did get approached. Sometimes I deflected the comment with, "If you're joking it isn't funny."

    I don't threaten to tell my husband or his wife. First, I would never upset my husband unless I had to and I would also never cause a problem in another woman's marriage. If this is how he operates she probably already knows.

    If I can't handle the situation, then I tell my husband. Otherwise, no. I would never tell the wife.
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,254, Reputation: 5642
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    #5

    May 15, 2011, 07:38 AM

    I totally agree with Judy. I would not mention it to my husband after the first pass.

    I've had something similar happen when I was much younger and much more attractive. Best response I came up with then was... "I'm flattered you find me attractive, but I am a one man woman and I don't want something like this to come between my husband and his friend."

    Most likely it was the alcohol talking.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 53,910, Reputation: 10852
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    #6

    May 17, 2011, 11:49 AM

    You handled your business, and no doubt you will keep handling it in the right way, so forget it.

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