Ask Experts Questions for FREE Help !
Ask
    bmsteach's Avatar
    bmsteach Posts: 9, Reputation: 2
    New Member
     
    #1

    Dec 26, 2007, 12:47 PM
    I do not get to see my granddaughter
    My son and daughter-in-law were married last year. My sister and I helped a lot with the wedding (footing the bill for everything we did). This should have shown my daughter-in-law she was welcomed into the family. She became pregnant and that is when the problems began. Here is a time line:
    Finds out they are pregnant tells family
    Has three false labors and we come to all three (for one I drove my son to meet her at the hospital)
    They plan to induce and I am told deliberately the wrong time to be at the hospital (my son then calls me and says come on they are there)
    I am told not to come to the house the day they get home from the hospital, they want a private homecoming. Been there, done that so I abide by their wishes, only to find out that message was just for me everyone else can come over. There are four sets of parents: her mother and new husband, her father, my husband and me (the mother) and my ex-husband and his wife.
    The baby was born in April and I have seen the baby for a total of 7 times with not one visit lasting longer than 1 hour.
    They did not call or answer my calls on Mother's Day, Halloween, my birthday and now Christmas.
    When I talk to my son he says he is sorry and promises it will get better, but it only gets worse.
    Do I ignore them like they do me? I am missing bonding time with my 1 and only grandchild.
    Thank you for any advice.
    George_1950's Avatar
    George_1950 Posts: 3,099, Reputation: 236
    Ultra Member
     
    #2

    Dec 26, 2007, 11:44 PM
    What distance between you and your grandchild?
    bmsteach's Avatar
    bmsteach Posts: 9, Reputation: 2
    New Member
     
    #3

    Dec 27, 2007, 08:50 AM
    My son and his family live about 7 miles from my house.
    George_1950's Avatar
    George_1950 Posts: 3,099, Reputation: 236
    Ultra Member
     
    #4

    Dec 27, 2007, 10:04 AM
    Can you plan a special dinner, hotdogs or hamburgers, and invite son, mother, and grandbaby? Call them and invite them to your place.
    bmsteach's Avatar
    bmsteach Posts: 9, Reputation: 2
    New Member
     
    #5

    Dec 28, 2007, 05:22 PM
    I thought we had made some positive ground this week, but again I was completely wrong. I invited them over to open their Christmas presents (since we have not seen them since Thanksgiving) and was told yesterday the baby was too sick. She wasn't too sick to go to Wal-mart though. Well my son said tonight they would come over, but again "oh we can't friends are coming over."
    I am so tired of this!
    George_1950's Avatar
    George_1950 Posts: 3,099, Reputation: 236
    Ultra Member
     
    #6

    Dec 28, 2007, 07:46 PM
    I'm sure you are. But continue knocking the 'ball' over to them so that they have to knock it back in some form. Do not tire!
    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,966, Reputation: 6056
    Computer Expert and Renaissance Man
     
    #7

    Dec 28, 2007, 08:32 PM
    You need to have a talk with your son and find out WHY. Until you understand why, you can't do anything to repair the rift.
    bmsteach's Avatar
    bmsteach Posts: 9, Reputation: 2
    New Member
     
    #8

    Dec 28, 2007, 09:16 PM
    I talked to my son and he said she feels I mistreat her ( the daughter-in-law), I spoke with his father (we are divorced) and he said that she said I took too many pictures when I saw the baby. I have only seen the baby 7 times and she is 8 months old. I wasn't allowed to pick her up 2 of those visits.
    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,966, Reputation: 6056
    Computer Expert and Renaissance Man
     
    #9

    Dec 29, 2007, 07:40 AM
    HOW did you mistreat her? Why not offer to take your DIL out to lunch one day, just the two of you. Tell her you don't understand what you did to put her off, but you want to make amends. Ask her to tell you what you can do to improve the relationship with her. DO NOT argue about her perceptions, no matter how off the wall they may be. Just promise to not do whatever she THINKS you have done and to try and be a better MIL.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,243, Reputation: 10853
    Expert
     
    #10

    Dec 29, 2007, 07:57 AM
    Let those bad feelings go, and talk to your son, as more is going on here than meets the eye. The daughter in law, for whatever reason, has issues that you may not understand, and until you do, I think it best to not make waves. I have one of those daughter in laws too, and they are frustrating to say the least, but trust me, and be patient, she is a young new bride staking out her territory, and authority. Let her, as putting your son between you and her, will make it worse. Let her do her own bonding for now, as any suggestions, will only be met with a stubborn withdrawal.
    bmsteach's Avatar
    bmsteach Posts: 9, Reputation: 2
    New Member
     
    #11

    Dec 31, 2007, 09:41 AM
    Thank you for all your advice. I was allowed to deliver the presents to their house on Saturday night and my husband and I stayed for 1 hour and then left. She acted like there was not a problem at all.
    bmsteach's Avatar
    bmsteach Posts: 9, Reputation: 2
    New Member
     
    #12

    Jan 3, 2008, 04:39 AM
    We were allowed to see them on Saturday night to give her her presents. I was very careful how I acted or what I said. Yesterday they did call us when the doctor put the baby in the hospital and we were told we could come see her. Baby steps are the way I am taking this now. Thanks for all your help.
    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,966, Reputation: 6056
    Computer Expert and Renaissance Man
     
    #13

    Jan 3, 2008, 06:27 AM
    Baby steps are still progress. Good Luck to you.

Not your question? Ask your question View similar questions

 

Question Tools Search this Question
Search this Question:

Advanced Search


Check out some similar questions!

Visition of our Granddaughter [ 2 Answers ]

My son wants visit his daughter but the mother won't let him see her and they say he has No rights because the DNA test we did was one could afford but the courts don't recognize Just can't afford one of the one the courts take they are anywhere from 200.00 to 2000.00 ... She brought...

Daughter-in-law - relationship with granddaughter [ 1 Answers ]

Iím responding to those of you who are grandparents but are not given the opportunity to spend quality time with their grandchildren. Two years ago my granddaughter was born into our wonderful family. She is such a blessing to us! My son and daughter-in-law are terrific parents! I struggle...

Granddaughter dilema [ 4 Answers ]

Plze can someone help me I have raised my grandchild since she was born due to my daughter having post natal depression. For past 6 mnths contact has been getting less and not much involvent between them taking place were its got to stage child doesn't even want go bak down nr house I've offered...

End of a freindship over our granddaughter who is young [ 9 Answers ]

My husband and I have been in her life since she was born five years ago, my son is this child's father but her mother has hooked up with someone new... the new boyfriend's family has rather taken over in our grandchilds life and I didn't mind that until we started being told we couldn't have her...


View more questions Search