Ask Experts Questions for FREE Help !
Ask
    Stevienicks1985's Avatar
    Stevienicks1985 Posts: 34, Reputation: 2
    Junior Member
     
    #1

    Apr 11, 2007, 07:44 AM
    Afraid to be a friend.
    I have a best friend who I would honestly do anything for,anytime, anywhere. She means so much to me. I have learned in the past that I have said things or blogged about issues I shouldn't have which related to her. We almost had a falling out over a guy. This has actually happened a couple of times. I felt like she had chosen her relationship over our friendship and that this guy came before me in her mind. Still I tried to push the thought out of my mind. So I learned from that mistake that it was better just to mind my own business and let her go on about her own. I feel like the past few months she has distanced herself from her friends for this guy who she is now married to and although the strength of our friendship hasn't changed my advice has. I feel worried that if I voice my true opinion that it will upset her and she will eventually stop talking to me altogether. I realize though that if she was a real friend she would understand I was looking out for her best interest. I just can't imagine not saying anything and allowing her to make a decision which will effect her future forever and still consider myself her best friend. What should I do?
    lacuran8626's Avatar
    lacuran8626 Posts: 270, Reputation: 57
    Full Member
     
    #2

    Apr 18, 2007, 08:20 PM
    She should be closer to her husband than she is to you, or to anyone. It would be weird if you came before her husband in her mind. It's normal to have almost a "crush" on a best friend - not like it's romantic, but that you enjoy and find so much fulfillment with that person that it is almost intoxicating. But she's not at that time in her life.

    If you push to have the closeness you clearly want with her, and to be a higher priority, or for her to do as you suggest even if she wants to run her life in an alternate way, you are going to lose the friendship. You need to cultivate some additional friendships and interests that do not include her. If she's in a new marriage, she needs some time and space with her husband - even if you think her marriage is a mistake.

    Give her some air, and give yourself some new interests. She may never come back to being your best-bud as she was before her husband came into her life - that's normal. To stay connected with friends through life, you have to grow in your own life, separate from them. Your own growth and improved confidence will fuel the friendship, but pressure from you will certainly drown it out.

Not your question? Ask your question View similar questions

 

Question Tools Search this Question
Search this Question:

Advanced Search

Add your answer here.


Check out some similar questions!

Afraid I can't get pregnant [ 56 Answers ]

I have been trying to get pregnant only 3 months and no luck yet. But for some reason I'm starting to get scared that I can't get pregnant. Is that crazy? How long did it take you to get pregnant with your first child?

I'm 17 and I'm afraid I might be pregnant... [ 13 Answers ]

I was expecting my period sometime during the last week. And I started bleeding Friday night. But it pretty much stopped becaues I didn't have it Saturday and not yet today. And Im really worried. Any input would be appreciated.

I'm afraid I've become sterile [ 2 Answers ]

A few years ago, I was severely abused by my ex-boyfriend, and he punched me several times in the abdomen and chest, he killed our unborn baby, who was 5 months gestation, and put me in the hospital for 2 months. Now I'm with my husband, and we've been trying to get pregnant for over 1 year, I've...

Male afraid of what's to come. [ 7 Answers ]

In April, I'll have been with my girlfriend for almost two years. In the last month things have gone horribly wrong, and I'm afraid. I'll try to start at the beginning, please bear with me. My girlfriend and I met in high school, she had a crush on me I had never had a girlfriend before, so...

Afraid I am infertile! [ 7 Answers ]

I'm 19 and I have been with my fiancé for 3yrs and been having unprotected sex for around a year and a half since having a contraceptive rod removed from my arm, But I have never fallen pregnant. This is seriously starting to worry me as at this age I should be at my most fertile. So why isn't I...


View more questions Search