I'm a 56 yr old working woman who is going through a nasty divorce. My husband left after 30 years of marriage for a topless dancer. My 26 yr. old son told me what was going on and son lives at home with me, works some, goes to school some. He has been helpful & supportive for the most part but now is becoming more beligerant, confrontational, disrespectful to the max... I am embarrassed to say I pay his cell phone-family share plan, I co-signed car loan that has bal. of $6000 and he isn't paying so I pay since I don't want to have it effect my good credit. I asked him to pay rent, contribute to food, He's installing signs for several print shops. Says this is his business, but he can't pay rent because he waits to collect money and these companies are slow payers, etc. etc. I say, Jason, you need to move out I feel like I'm being held hostage. He's modeling my estranged husband's verbal abuse. I know I must chose tuff love, but Jason yells, becomes intimidating then when I break down I'm so distraught. He's the only family I have and I'm too emotional about this whole mess. Help! Advise! Thank-you, Sueboo

First, I edited your post to removed the masked vulgarity. We do not need to know specific example of his behavior.

What I will suggest is that you need to get counseling. Either from a licensed therapist or a clergyman. You need to do something about yourself esteem issues. Consult with your divorce attorney, you may even be able to get your husband to pay for it.

Once you get some more confidence you can stand up to your son and tell him to move or be evicted. If he doesn't move, then you need to go through the formal process of eviction.

Is there something mentally different about it him? To me it sounds like someone who suffers from a condition called asbergers. It's a mild form of autism. Don't get me wrong though he also sounds extremely spoiled and sheltered as well. The reason I suspect some from of mental condition is that my younger sister at 14 sounds similar to the way your son is acting. Condition or not, however its time he moved out and stayed out. WArning though from what I can piece together from what you have written I guess that he might become a stalker or starts to act beligerent in which case you would need to get a restraining order right away. The reason I feel comfortable in my assumptions is what you're going though is almost identical with my mother's side of the family's usual problems. Let me know what you decide to do please. God Bless.

Regardless if he is all you got, is this really worth it? You is his mother and you should be treating with respect he is grown and he should know better. He does what he does because you alow it. Stop paying for him and let him stand on his own two feet.

If he can't afford a cellphone, then he shouldn' have one. If he can't pay his own car note, then he better learn how to take public transportation, walk, or ride a bike. If he can't help buy food, then he wouldn't be eating. That goes for any other thing in the house cable, internet, etc. One time my aunt put a lock on the refrigator and cabinets because her daughter didn't want to help purchase food, so she taught her a lesson.

It's a shame that you do everything for him and in return he treats you like crap. Show some tough love and kick him out, maybe a dose of reality will do him some good. He has it too easy and you are allowing this behavior. Time for someone to get kicked out. Oh yeah, stop paying for things that he should be paying for.

Let me see, cancel his cell phone, put his car where he can't use it, some lock on the wheel perhaps,

This should get his attention and let him know whose house it is.

Sorry kids never do this in their parents house.

After that, you may have to either evict or throw him out, hard to do, but you have to get hold of your life.

I agree with Father Chuck. Cancel his cell phone, maybe even sell his car, that way you can get it paid off and not have to worry about making payments on it anymore. Tell him he needs to learn how to be responsible. And if these people that he does jobs for are slow payers, he shouldn't keep doing jobs for them or tell them to pay up front.

I am a daughter about the same age as your son, and this is the law that my parents have laid down (and I will continue with my own children when the time comes, because I agree wholeheartedly):

He's your son, he should respect you. It's your house, your rules: there is nothing else to it, regardless of his age. He's an adult? Then he's capable of acting like an adult. Don't like following the house rules? Find a new house.

Let me repeat: Your house, your rules. End of discussion.

I agree with everyone's suggestions of taking things away from him; and since the cellphone, car, etc are in YOUR name, they belong to you, so you can do as you please with them. If it pleases you to take them away, so be it. And if he pleases you, then it pleases you to let him have it.