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    Flyflyaway's Avatar
    Flyflyaway Posts: 11, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Jan 17, 2009, 12:42 PM
    The New Girl, how to get along with the other women?
    I waited a few years before looking for a new job with a better salary. I did it to save myself and my health. I had an easy job, I got along with everyone and I even got recommendations when I decided to look for another higher paying job. Finally I looked and looked and finally I got the phone call. I went in for the interview, they all seem to take to me right away and all my years of experience as a lab technician. I do it for the military as well. Plenty of experience, only really no experience working with kids and drawing blood from them and babies. I knew that would be a challenge. I like a good challenge.
    I started work and began my training. Even if I knew something I wouldn't jump out and say it right away. I didn't want to be labeled a know-it-all. The training has worn on, they said Im a very quick study. Then came the office politics. I tried to stay out of being the knew gal. But, I don't want to be stepped on either. A few came up to me and said watch K, she will stick you with everything, she is the lazy one. I said, Uh... I don't think so. I said, Im not new to this field, Im new to this office. So she did take advantage of me, but I put my foot down a little. She kind of got the hint.
    Now, I find myself being the brunt of all the problems in the office. If something goes wrong, they immediately are quick to go to the supervisor and say something about me. Ones I thought were my friends, quickly turned on me. One girl who is soon to be my partner on 2nd shift, totally floored me yesterday. She sent out a mass email, including to my BOSS talking about how one of the anylzers was not properly unloaded. I knew this was my mistake, as it was only my 2nd day on the machine, Im still in training. But she totally told on me. In this very smart letter. Somedays these people act like really decent human being to me and others they treat me like crap. More often like crap. I don't get it. I rarely talk, I do my job now and try to enter a conversation, only to be not even heard. This is only my 2nd month on the job and as far as I know Ive picked up on everything very quickly. What is the problem? Is this just me being the new girl? Did I mention I work with all women? All of whom who have worked their 30th plus years. The one that sent the email, started back in July 08. It hurts to be turned on like this. I did comment back to her on an email. I was nice about it. But why didn't she just come show me what I did wrong, instead she had to broadcast it. Now my boss is like, well... looks like your having problems on the machine, we are going to have to extend your training on it. It was a simple thing, that I wasn't sure about. Not something that will take me more weeks to learn. IM SO ANGRY. I don't know how to fit in here. This is exactly what I was afraid of, when switching jobs. I need some sound advice here. What is going on is soooo catty. The other new girl is trying so hard to be liked by everyone she stabs me in the back. I don't get it, how can I survive this?:(
    Illusion's Avatar
    Illusion Posts: 195, Reputation: 33
    Junior Member
     
    #2

    Jan 24, 2009, 02:50 AM

    Oh geez - people at work can be difficult. I mean, you are new at the job, are learning quickly and working at it - and the people that are supposed to be training you are not supportive of your efforts. Geez, what else do they want - could it be that you are competent and able, committed - just the kind of person that does a great job - and are a threat to people that 1) are not as qualified as you, 2) just don't have the qualities that you exhibit (such as drive, focus, etc.).

    Stay calm but point out what you would like - "If you could please talk with me first before making a complaint so that I have a chance to correct the problem". You may need to write a letter indicating that you are new and would like to be successful - but that you feel you are not being given the support you need. I recently had to work on a project with another person who decided that she had to blast me for decisions I had made; without even discussing it with me she called my bosses and scheduled a meeting. I had to sit and listen to her complaints and criticism - she was harsh. It hurt me terribly - but I knew that I did not agree with her. I was calm despite the storm. It took me a few days but I wrote a letter to our Region Director about the situation. I included that I felt hurt and betrayed. I am human and I cannot stop being human so that needed to be said. Guess what? The Region Director agreed with me - and my ideas. This woman not only backed off - she apologized to me and sounded frightened when she spoke to me. And I am not scary at all - I am actually a really nice person.

    I do not like this woman - nor will we ever be friends. She tries so hard to pretend that she knows it all - but she knows I stood up to her and her stupid ideas. But not just that, what she did really hurt - and hey, that was not all right. Most of all, you need to know that you are doing your job, and you are doing it well. Stay real and honest - ask for a meeting with the big boss if you need to - even if it's just to say you need to let them know what you need and hear you out. It can be hard to be the loner - and you may need to because you need to protect yourself. Just be ready when the time comes to state your ideas - and include yourself while your at it. Take care.
    spanglish30's Avatar
    spanglish30 Posts: 24, Reputation: 2
    New Member
     
    #3

    Jan 24, 2009, 10:44 PM

    Ohhhhhh I feel you all the way 100%!! I work with all women.It's hard sometimes.
    First thing first-You need a good long talk with your boss.It's her job to manage the office.I think if she hears what's on your mind(if she already hasn't figured it out)But this talk need to come from you.Explain how long you have been in this field and how much you enjoy what you do.If you go to your boss and talk to her,she may respect you a lot for that.remember that people cannot read each others minds.
    Some of the petty stuff-Let It Go! Someone starts gossiping or back biting go find something constructive to do.Like find something to clean or dust.(This trick works the best!! )It makes you look busy and constructive with your time.Your boss will notice,too.Just kind of walk out of the room pretending your listening,but your bluffing them;because remember your busy cleaning,right? LOL it works so good.watch she'll try to follow you talking or she'll get the clue.Especially you do this trick enough times.
    Basically,there will always be "stuff" between us women.Theres no way around that one.
    I hope some of these pointers can help you as they helped me at times.
    But most of all,you have the experience in this field.Be confident.Show it!
    GOOD LUK! SPANGLISH30
    artlady's Avatar
    artlady Posts: 4,208, Reputation: 1477
    Ultra Member
     
    #4

    Jan 24, 2009, 10:55 PM

    Oh... I have been there too. The number one reason I found out that I was not welcomed was because I did not get involved with the office nonsense and kept to myself for the most part.I did not gossip(that really made me an outcast)and I did not kiss anyone's butt either.

    The above experts have given you excellent advice. I would only add,don't lower yourself to their catty level.Maintain your dignity and just look at it as a nine to five.

    You can be friendly and kind and supportive while still being a professional who does not get into the catty nonsense.

    Hold your head up and don't ever let them see you sweat.
    dontknownuthin's Avatar
    dontknownuthin Posts: 2,910, Reputation: 751
    Ultra Member
     
    #5

    Jan 26, 2009, 09:22 AM

    First, accept any offered or required training, whether you need it or not, with a smile. If it's one on one, perhaps you could say, "would it be ok if I show you how I'm doing it, and you can correct me as we go along - I learn so much better by doing!" This will provide you the opportunity to both accept the extra help, and demonstrate that you already know the skill.

    As for the other stuff, just be pleasant and pick your battles. Then make them count. If someone is rude to you blatantly, be as blatant in correcting them but also meticulously decent, respectful and appropriate. "Lois, I can see you don't care for me but I'd like to keep things professional, so please speak to me in a more appropriate tone".

    You may find it would be worthwhile to continue looking because these are pretty petty people - perhaps not the funnest to work with.
    Flyflyaway's Avatar
    Flyflyaway Posts: 11, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #6

    Jan 26, 2009, 04:40 PM
    UPDATE:

    Thank you all for such wonderful and useful advice. I've always tried to live an honest life, real and down to earth. It's how I was raised. Since my last post I've followed most of the advice given and it works. It is hard to be the loner. Finally last week, a employee and I were talking, she used to work in this office, but only works here every few months, so this was my first time talking to her. She asked me, a lot about my background. I didn't indulge too much. Finally she told me, R this place is hard to work for. It's the busiest child lab in the city. They have a high turnover rate, usually not because of the work, because of the other employees make their stay here horrible. She then asked me, how do I like it here. I said, truthfully, I love my job here, but I'm not happy with the atmosphere. She left and I carried out my day. At the end of the day, my boss called me into her office. I just kept thinking, what did I do now? She says, R I hear your pretty unhappy here. I said yes A I am. She completely apologized. Told me that her and her boss are very satisfied with me and that I am an outstanding lab technician. (hehe... she didn't have to tell me that, I KNOW heheh.. just kidding). I went on to tell her of the hostil work environment, she agrees 100%. Unfortunately this is what she told me, She says R, with an utterly honest look on her face... I've tried going above these women, only to find myself 2 seconds away from losing my job. She said if you want me to speak to them, I will. Just know a lot of them have higher connections that go way beyond myself.
    I felt bad for a second when she told me that. But it is her JOB, she is all of our boss to go and find out what the hell is going on and how to correct it. Its now right what's going on, AT ALL. I don't care how long or short time you've been in the field. Everyone should be treated with respect. EVERYONE. Unfortunately, I know better. I know a lot of jobs out their that have this corruption in them. It isn't right or fair. I've heard the term, put it all on the little guy. I don't care what anyone says, its HAZING! I run around, work very hard and watch most of them sit and surf the net. I didn't mean for this to sound like I'm complaining, I've just seen this in almost every job I have had, only their was justice done. I don't see it coming anytime soon here. The main thing keeping me here, the pay is more then I've ever made and the benefits are wonderful, so basically the "recession" is keeping me here. I should be thankful I have a job and I am, I am soooooo thankful. So anymore advice would be great on how to handle it from here, knowing what I know now. Thank you all! :)
    Flyflyaway's Avatar
    Flyflyaway Posts: 11, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #7

    Jan 26, 2009, 04:42 PM
    Your advice helped so much, thank you Spanglish!
    Quote Originally Posted by spanglish30 View Post
    Ohhhhhh I feel you all the way 100%!!!! I work with all women.It's hard sometimes.
    First thing first-You need a good long talk with your boss.It's her job to manage the office.I think if she hears whats on your mind(if she already hasn't figured it out)But this talk need to come from you.Explain how long you have been in this field and how much you enjoy what you do.If you go to your boss and talk to her,she may respect you alot for that.remember that people cannot read each others minds.
    Some of the petty stuff-Let It Go!! Someone starts gossiping or back biting go find something constructive to do.Like find something to clean or dust.(This trick works the best!!!)It makes you look busy and constructive with your time.Your boss will notice,too.Just kinda walk out of the room pretending your listening,but your bluffing them;because remember your busy cleaning,right? LOL it works so good.watch she'll try to follow you talking or she'll get the clue.Especially you do this trick enough times.
    Basically,there will always be "stuff" between us women.Theres no way around that one.
    I hope some of these pointers can help you as they helped me at times.
    But most of all,you have the experience in this field.Be confident.Show it!!
    GOOD LUK! SPANGLISH30
    Flyflyaway's Avatar
    Flyflyaway Posts: 11, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #8

    Jan 26, 2009, 04:45 PM
    I am new to the job, your right! Whatever happened to cutting the new guy some slack?haha... Illusion thank you so much for the advice!
    Quote Originally Posted by Illusion View Post
    Oh geez - people at work can be difficult. I mean, you are new at the job, are learning quickly and working at it - and the people that are supposed to be training you are not supportive of your efforts. Geez, what else do they want - could it be that you are competent and able, committed - just the kind of person that does a great job - and are a threat to people that 1) are not as qualified as you, 2) just don't have the qualities that you exhibit (such as drive, focus, etc.).

    Stay calm but point out what you would like - "If you could please talk with me first before making a complaint so that I have a chance to correct the problem". You may need to write a letter indicating that you are new and would like to be successful - but that you feel you are not being given the support you need. I recently had to work on a project with another person who decided that she had to blast me for decisions I had made; without even discussing it with me she called my bosses and scheduled a meeting. I had to sit and listen to her complaints and criticism - she was harsh. It hurt me terribly - but I knew that I did not agree with her. I was calm despite the storm. It took me a few days but I wrote a letter to our Region Director about the situation. I included that I felt hurt and betrayed. I am human and I cannot stop being human so that needed to be said. Guess what? The Region Director agreed with me - and my ideas. This woman not only backed off - she apologized to me and sounded frightened when she spoke to me. And I am not scary at all - I am actually a really nice person.

    I do not like this woman - nor will we ever be friends. She tries so hard to pretend that she knows it all - but she knows I stood up to her and her stupid ideas. But not just that, what she did really hurt - and hey, that was not all right. Most of all, you need to know that you are doing your job, and you are doing it well. Stay real and honest - ask for a meeting with the big boss if you need to - even if it's just to say you need to let them know what you need and hear you out. It can be hard to be the loner - and you may need to because you need to protect yourself. Just be ready when the time comes to state your ideas - and include yourself while your at it. Take care.
    Flyflyaway's Avatar
    Flyflyaway Posts: 11, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #9

    Jan 26, 2009, 04:47 PM
    Never let them see you sweat, I have learned something and that is one I got down pat! I am the loner, the outcast... it may change, it may not, trying to live with myself during is the tricky part. Thank you for your sound advice!
    Quote Originally Posted by artlady View Post
    Oh... I have been there too. The number one reason I found out that I was not welcomed was because I did not get involved with the office nonsense and kept to myself for the most part.I did not gossip(that really made me an outcast)and I did not kiss anyone's butt either.

    The above experts have given you excellent advice. I would only add,don't lower yourself to their catty level.Maintain your dignity and just look at it as a nine to five.

    You can be friendly and kind and supportive while still being a professional who does not get into the catty nonsense.

    Hold your head up and don't ever let them see you sweat.
    Flyflyaway's Avatar
    Flyflyaway Posts: 11, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #10

    Jan 26, 2009, 04:50 PM
    Absolutely wonderful advice! Your screename does not fit you, because you just gave me some amazing advice, thank you so much for taking the time. :)
    Quote Originally Posted by dontknownuthin View Post
    First, accept any offered or required training, whether you need it or not, with a smile. If it's one on one, perhaps you could say, "would it be ok if I show you how I'm doing it, and you can correct me as we go along - I learn so much better by doing!" This will provide you the opportunity to both accept the extra help, and demonstrate that you already know the skill.

    As for the other stuff, just be pleasant and pick your battles. Then make them count. If someone is rude to you blatantly, be as blatant in correcting them but also meticulously decent, respectful and appropriate. "Lois, I can see you don't care for me but I'd like to keep things professional, so please speak to me in a more appropriate tone".

    You may find it would be worthwhile to continue looking because these are pretty petty people - perhaps not the funnest to work with.
    spanglish30's Avatar
    spanglish30 Posts: 24, Reputation: 2
    New Member
     
    #11

    Feb 2, 2009, 09:23 PM

    Any updates on how your job is going?? Just wondering.SPANGLISH30
    trmpldonagn's Avatar
    trmpldonagn Posts: 252, Reputation: 15
    Full Member
     
    #12

    Feb 11, 2009, 01:59 AM

    Yes, let's hear more maybe? I'm an outcast too because I don't get involved in the nonsense. This makes them gossip more. It seems they work a lot less also and of course they get away with it. This was/is a good thread.
    Flyflyaway's Avatar
    Flyflyaway Posts: 11, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #13

    Feb 11, 2009, 10:09 AM
    THE UPDATE AS OF 2/11/2009

    The cattyness has died down, but I know once I go into work today, will hit the fan. Everyone is always worried about someone making a mistake, and LAST night, I think that may of happened due to how busy we were. I now get it. We seen over 100 patients last night. Somewhere in the crazyness of it all I think I made a mistake. Now I have to go in and face them ALL. I don't want too.lol. Sounds silly, but you get everything in the book yelled at and more. Im starting to think this job is not what it is cracked up to be. To be this nervous about going to work, is ridiculous. I ll will comment back soon, thanks to all. Its been a rough road so far here. I'm not sure how long I can hold out... :(
    earl237's Avatar
    earl237 Posts: 532, Reputation: 57
    Senior Member
     
    #14

    Feb 23, 2009, 10:59 AM
    I always used to think that women stuck together, but it seems that many of them see other women as a threat and are always competing with each other. I'm the only man working with 5 women in a kitchen and I get along good with all of them.
    michelesadumbbitch's Avatar
    michelesadumbbitch Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #15

    Feb 28, 2010, 06:31 PM
    I just left a company because my boss and her boss decided that I said "i'll get her" to my boss? If they want you gone - you're gone. I never said this - denied it and even wrote a six page letter to HR about all the gossip my boss inflicted on me about 99% of the office staff. She liked the administrative assistant. I think she was just very insecure, lazy, and jealous. She had a bad boss work ethic. She shouldn't be around other women. Ever see those dogs that can't get along with others? What do they call them - oh yeah. She was one, nasty, fat B! Good Luck. Glad to know it's not just me! I know I sound bitter, but I'm a very nice person that just had enough!
    michelesadumbbitch's Avatar
    michelesadumbbitch Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #16

    Feb 28, 2010, 06:35 PM

    You can control only yourself. My boss and her boss concocted a story that I said "i'll get her" This was absolutely false and juvenille but when you work with women what do you expect? My boss gossipped about 90% of the people in the office. She was not happy with her fatass so why be happy with anyone else? I'm so glad to be out of that snake pit. You can tell what my bosses name is by my username - right? Good luck - I totally understand!

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