Ask Experts Questions for FREE Help !
Ask
    kapama's Avatar
    kapama Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    May 26, 2010, 02:16 PM
    Cliquish co-workers affect my career
    I am working as an accountant for a company for the last 3 years. From the start, my main team (mainly late 20's group) remained cliquish. They have been having conversations, laughing and having a good time next to my office. They haven't bothered to include me in their conversations. I observe that they feel very powerful since they are the majority. They talk to me like they do not need to talk to me. I feel like I do not exist in their world. They never invited me to their lunches or social events. It seemed that they enjoy to keep me excluded. They introduce their friends at work to others in the group. As a result, their network of friends are growing. I know a foreigner like me working in the group came before me. He somehow clicked with the group. Other people talks to this guy because other guys in my group know him and introduce him as their friend. Otherwise, I am sure people would not care much about him. I do not feel like clicking with anybody in the work group. I respect everybody and help anyone if needed. However, since I do not understand their jokes or socialize like them, they donít communicate with me. Even they do, they keep it very short. I am pretty much sure that they talk about me all the time in my back. About a year ago, a lady from her late 30's joined and she immediately clicked with the rest of the group. Whenever I tried to talk to her, she brushed me off in such a rude manner. One of my seniors observed one of these incidents and he was shocked. He and I both complained to her supervisor, but it did not work. I was shocked to observe in coming months that everybody else loved her. She is so nice to everybody else, except me and my senior. She is a very fake person, but nobody seems to care. I have been the one serious about my work and worked very hard to accomplish something while these goof balls watched u-tube and talk all day. I talked to my manager about these issues. He defended them completely since they are all buddies. Nobody seems to care about my situation. Currently, I lost all my motivation and doing just enough work to finish what's required of me. I started to feel isolated and hopeless. I am really scared to get into another company and experience similar adversities. I need your advice.
    Aurora_Bell's Avatar
    Aurora_Bell Posts: 4,193, Reputation: 822
    Dogs Expert
     
    #2

    Jun 7, 2010, 05:36 PM

    Wow, I have to say, I know exactly how you feel. I worked for a large global accounting firm, and the age group was around the same. The girls there were catty and rude. I ended up quitting my job, as I just couldn't handle it any longer. They would do things like hold the elevator door until I reached it and then let it close in my face, they would talk about me, they would ignore me when I asked them questions, call me and ask me to make their reservations for lunch, they would talk about their parties and bar trips and make plans in front of me.

    A lot of people said, don't let it bother you, but it's hard because essentially you spend 8 hours a day with these people. Personally, I don't enjoy working in a hostile work environment, and even if we didn't all have to be friends, which I wasn't there to do anyway, it still kind of stings to be treated like scum.

    My co-workers would blame things on me that weren't my fault, they would dump work on me that they felt was beneath them, and the sad thing was, my bosses sat idly by and even joined in at some points. The company had been sued twice before for miss treatment of staff.

    The best advice I can give would be to try your best to let it roll off your back. Just keep telling yourself that you aren't there to make friends, youa re there collecting a pay cheque to to a job.

    I used to pack my lunch and go across the street and eat at a picnic bench by myself, I was pleasant to them, but I didn't let them walk all over me either. I know it's frustrating because it's not something you can go to HR about. I mean, what are you supposed to say? "my co-workers don't like me"?

    Is there any other accounting firms in your area that are hiring?
    FlyYakker's Avatar
    FlyYakker Posts: 378, Reputation: 41
    Full Member
     
    #3

    Jun 9, 2010, 06:19 PM

    While every organizations has "politics" to some degree or the other, your's sounds pretty darn extreme, and kind of vicious. The only advise I would give is that in moving to a new location the odds are that things will not be as bad and could be a lot better.
    dontknownuthin's Avatar
    dontknownuthin Posts: 2,910, Reputation: 751
    Ultra Member
     
    #4

    Jun 9, 2010, 08:10 PM

    This is really childish. You could try to play the game - bring donuts in once in a while, compliment people if they make a good suggestion in a meeting or do a good job on something, invite someone from the group who yuou like better than the others to join you for lunch. You can certainly give it a try to become more sociable with everyone. But if they've just targeted you to be disliked and an outcast, I'd suggest you either try to transfer to another department if possible, or start looking for another job.

    Don't expect this everywhere you go - it's pretty weird. When you start your next job, make a point of making an effort to get to know people and don't make it all business. Be prepared to talk about local sports or the news, show an interest in other people's hobbies and interests... like compliment the photos of their kids they have displayed. You don't have to kiss up, but some sociability will help. While it's good to work hard, you don't want to be perceived as "no fun" either.

    Best wishes, and as frustrating as this is, be grateful you are employed... some of us are not!
    Kitkat22's Avatar
    Kitkat22 Posts: 6,302, Reputation: 1191
    Uber Member
     
    #5

    Jun 9, 2010, 08:20 PM

    I'm sorry.. I know it hurts. I've been there. There's nothing you can do if they choose to act this way.

    I agree with DKN and Bella. I also think they may be a little jealous.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
    Pets Expert
     
    #6

    Jun 9, 2010, 08:40 PM

    I've been here before too.

    I worked in an office with over 150 people, most of them women. Because I was new, and moved up the ladder very quickly, they didn't like me. Many of them had been there for years before me, and I came in and within months was doing the same job they were doing.

    Sadly jealously or anger does play a big part of office politics. They probably don't actually dislike you, but like you said, you do your job, you give your all, they don't. I'm sure it's noticed and remarked on.

    When I was faced with the animosity of these people, I just ignored it. No, it wasn't easy, but I wasn't there to make friends, I was there to work, and that's what I did.

    When I was once again promoted, one of the little clique actually came up to me, said it wasn't fair that I was promoted ahead of her when she had been there much longer. My response to her "You're so busy walking around chatting with your friends, laughing, treating this place like a bar instead of an office. I'm at my desk all day, doing my job and sometimes yours as well. Are you really that surprised that I was promoted? The boss doesn't care that your friends like you. He cares that the job gets done, and sadly you haven't proven that you're capable of doing that."

    She was shocked.

    I worked there for 5 years, left 2 weeks before I had my son and then decided to stay at home with him.

    Just do your best. You're not there to make buddies. These people don't mean anything in the long run, they're just employees like you. The best revenge is to keep doing your job to the best of your ability, keep moving up and one day you'll be the boss, then you can make the changes you know are necessary. :)
    Kitkat22's Avatar
    Kitkat22 Posts: 6,302, Reputation: 1191
    Uber Member
     
    #7

    Jun 9, 2010, 09:19 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Altenweg View Post
    I've been here before too.

    I worked in an office with over 150 people, most of them women. Because I was new, and moved up the ladder very quickly, they didn't like me. Many of them had been there for years before me, and I came in and within months was doing the same job they were doing.

    Sadly jealously or anger does play a big part of office politics. They probably don't actually dislike you, but like you said, you do your job, you give your all, they don't. I'm sure it's noticed and remarked on.

    When I was faced with the animosity of these people, I just ignored it. No, it wasn't easy, but I wasn't there to make friends, I was there to work, and that's what I did.

    When I was once again promoted, one of the little clique actually came up to me, said it wasn't fair that I was promoted ahead of her when she had been there much longer. My response to her "You're so busy walking around chatting with your friends, laughing, treating this place like a bar instead of an office. I'm at my desk all day, doing my job and sometimes yours as well. Are you really that surprised that I was promoted? The boss doesn't care that your friends like you. He cares that the job gets done, and sadly you haven't proven that you're capable of doing that."

    She was shocked.

    I worked there for 5 years, left 2 weeks before I had my son and then decided to stay at home with him.

    Just do your best. You're not there to make buddies. These people don't mean anything in the long run, they're just employees like you. The best revenge is to keep doing your job to the best of your ability, keep moving up and one day you'll be the boss, then you can make the changes you know are necessary. :)
    That's our Alty! Thanks for sharing... I'm picturing you saying that to the girl.LOL... :D It did get lonely sometimes but.. I learned a lot... "What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger". Hugs... Kit
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
    Pets Expert
     
    #8

    Jun 9, 2010, 09:21 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Kitkat22 View Post
    That's our Alty!! thanks for sharing...I'm picturing you saying that to the girl.LOL...:D It did get lonely sometimes but.. i learned a lot..."What doesn't kill us, makes us stronger". Hugs....Kit
    Exactly. Also, I did meet people there that didn't judge, that did accept me. Sadly they were mostly men. It's sad because women can be so mean to each other.

    I'd rather work with an office full of men any day. They're not as power hungry. At least that's been my experience.
    Kitkat22's Avatar
    Kitkat22 Posts: 6,302, Reputation: 1191
    Uber Member
     
    #9

    Jun 10, 2010, 04:53 AM

    Me too Alty.. Women are Catty.. I can't see you taking too much bull from anyone.. . The women tend to be jealous if a woman is better looking and outgoing... I know what its like to have one person on a job make one persons life miserable .

    She was younger and I trained her . She actually made my life a living Hell. One day I had taken enough and we (lets just say) she finally got the picture... and left me alone.

    That was the good old days(NOT)
    dontknownuthin's Avatar
    dontknownuthin Posts: 2,910, Reputation: 751
    Ultra Member
     
    #10

    Jun 10, 2010, 08:02 AM


    WAnted to agree with Alten and KitKat but I have to spread rep...
    When I hear about this stuff my stomach sinks because I've seen many instances when this nonsense goes on unchecked. Or managers decide to "coach" these people who are totally lacking in maturity, ethics, courtesy. Fortunately as a manager I never had to deal with people like this (I've been lucky to hire good people) but I've had managers who behaved like this, and colleagues. Maybe it's easier said than done but if I had people like this working for me, they'd be fired. An office is not the place to grow up - people need to be mature when they get there. I think coaching should be reserved for job skills, and perhaps helping with one or two areas of personal development. Such as if a person is a hard worker and mature but they are painfully shy - sure, mentor them and give them coaching and opportunities to come out of their shell. But mentoring people not to be a shallow B*(&^? That was their mother's job.

    In another economy I'd recommend people hit the road in this kind of situation, but you have to be selfish, don't worry about other people and do your job - keep your head about the surface of the cesspool!
    corlai's Avatar
    corlai Posts: 1, Reputation: 2
    New Member
     
    #11

    Jan 3, 2011, 02:43 PM
    I've experienced this in almost every office I've been in, no matter how outgoing and friendly I've been. Remember, parents raise their kids in different ways, and many of these children grow up unchecked and undisciplined. At work you're around all sorts of characters, who got the job because they could perform this or that task, and sadly evaluating their character was not part of the process. Yes, it sucks because you have to be around them for most of the day and it can drain your energy. Just do your work, and ignore them the best you can. Go for walks out of the office to clear your head. Walk to your cafeteria and strike up a conversation with the canteen workers... I've found in my life that the blue collar and what the world deems as "lower class" workers are way more friendlier than office snobs, and better people to be around. You don't have to hang out with the bums in your office, especially when they gossip and waste time all day.
    maithilir's Avatar
    maithilir Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #12

    Jan 20, 2011, 10:25 AM
    Hi guys am hvin da same prob. It is very difficult to be normal in these situations, but thts da only way. I do da same. I do my work 2 da best. You csnt ignore vats hapng around you and also against u. just stick 2 yourself and do your work.it is easier said than done.
    Mistreated's Avatar
    Mistreated Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #13

    Dec 25, 2012, 06:47 PM
    Going through that right now as we speak. My supervisor passed away back in March and I got moved into a portion of her position providing administrative support to the lead boss of our accounting firm. The other assistants were envious because I got this position instead of one of them. Since March, I have been experiencing from them neglect, sarcasm, jealousy, snide remarks behind my back and in my face (by way of speaking in "3rd person" conversation) as if I can't make out what they are talking about. They even go to such lengths as to talk bad about me in their language (Spanish) except I know a little - - enough to make out what they are saying, but they don't know that I understand Spanish - - enough to get by. This type of behavior by my co-workers brings morale down at the office and trust is gone out of the window. Result? I stick to myself most days. I go to lunch by myself. Yes, I have had my feelings hurt several times by these girls because I can't seem to figure out what I ever did to them to deserve such treatment, other than I am a dedicated and hard worker, and I am in school 2 nights out of each week to obtain my Bachelors degree (something they do not have). So, I can only figure that it is jealousy because they see me succeeding in everything that I do, and all of my bosses like me. Therefore, the only way for them to get back at me is to make things miserable for me every ticking hour of the day. It is very frustrating because like mentioned in the post, what are we supposed to do - - go to HR and tell them that my co-workers don't like me? I have news for the girls who so called don't like me. I don't like them either. I just tolerate them to get through each 8 hour day. They don't pay my bills, they don't make my salary, and they definitely don't have the job that they wanted - - because I have it, and I realized that is their issue. So now that I know the reason why I am treated this way, I rejoice knowing that I must be doing something right. I mind my own business, turn my chair so my back faces them when they group up over in my area to try and taunt me, and I put my energy into my work. Funny thing is... cameras catch ALL... and will reveal all of their slacking. Annual review time is right around the corner. So, keep your head up. There is no rule that says you HAVE to be friends with anyone. You are there to work. Stay courteous and polite, even if they are not polite to you, so you don't give them anything to take back to your boss. The envious are good at trying to turn the tables to make you look bad. Ignore their taunts as if you don't hear them. Take or make a couple of calls when they come around so they can see you are not interested in what is going on. That always irritates them when they can't get under your skin. When you don't add fuel to the fire, it will eventually take a back seat. Hang in there - - you are not alone. :- )
    bad betty's Avatar
    bad betty Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #14

    Feb 18, 2013, 08:54 PM
    I am a Registered Nurse and am no longer working as one because of my female coworkers. They were the pits and made my life hell. There were a few gems and I am still in contact with those people. Anyway, now I am underemployed in a crappy government job and there are three of us in the office and I find myself excluded again. But one thing that nursing taught me is that they feed off your reactions. If they know they can hurt you, they will. So my advice is... Don't let the bastards grind you down. Don't give an inch and don't let them see you hurt. Because let us face it, when people of that callibre combine they form a mob. A mob of stupid, insincere and mean people. They no longer function as individuals and there is no point taking it personally. Because if they didn't have others to exclude, then where would they derive themselves esteem?
    So my advice is to embrace your otherness and find like minded coworkers to commiserate with, or at least to have civilised exchanges with.

Not your question? Ask your question View similar questions

 

Question Tools Search this Question
Search this Question:

Advanced Search


Check out some similar questions!

Describe two factors that affect labor supply and two factors that affect labor deman [ 7 Answers ]

Describe two factors that affect labor supply and two factors that affect labor demand. Using economic principles, describe how changes in the labor market have affected you or someone you know.

Can't get along with co-workers [ 2 Answers ]

I've been working in a small firm for less than half a year. There are only 6 employees here, including me. Some of them are on part time basis. Given the few of us here, there is no strict hierarchy. But everyone is very respectful of the boss who is over 60 years old. The rest of my colleagues...

How does one's career affect a person? [ 1 Answers ]

How did your career affect you as a person ?

Co-Workers? [ 16 Answers ]

All right easy question... Asking out people you work with, rules, thoughts? I go to different locals all the time as a Tech, but I have a few select girls I'd like to ask out, but what are the rules? How forward should one be about it? In a less formal situation I got it down but when...


View more questions Search