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    MasseyS's Avatar
    MasseyS Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Oct 6, 2015, 08:18 PM
    Please Help Me
    This will sound crazy and stupid, but this is a serious question and I need help.

    I have this friend, and we've known each other for a while. We met online (stupid I know), and we've been friends ever since. We email and FaceTime All. The. Time. He refuses to enter a relationship because his life is unstable. He's a trucker.

    Anyway, last night I received an email from him stating the following:
    "I have last min trip to another country don't worry everything good .. I just have some work to do .. I won't be able to do any kind of email or FaceTime .. I'll talk you when I am back till that. be safe."

    I didn't read the email until today, but it was already too late. My email won't go through. I don't have access to a phone, but when I do, I will try his number. I only know his Indian knick name and his family name. (He's from India) He told me his full name once, but I'd know it if I heard it.

    I Google searched his number, and found a lady living in Maryland, which is super weird because he lives in California. Before that, he lived in Oregon.

    I don't know what to do. I need to find his full name, his old mailing address, and at least get in contact with his one roommate. Can anyone tell me where I can find this information?? Please, it's really important that I find him.

    I'll provide any more details that are needed if necessary
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,272, Reputation: 7690
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    #2

    Oct 7, 2015, 12:04 AM
    What is the area code of the phone number?
    MasseyS's Avatar
    MasseyS Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Oct 7, 2015, 01:38 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck View Post
    What is the area code of the phone number?
    443 - a baltimore number
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,272, Reputation: 7690
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    #4

    Oct 7, 2015, 02:54 AM
    It is possible of course, that almost everything he told you about his self was a lie. He wanted to hide his true identity. Not to sound wrong, but he may be returning on a trip to India and does not want his family there to know of his "online" friends, or he may even have a wife there, (sorry it is possible) I know people who move to America to earn money and leave family in another nation for years.

    And of course we can have or get about any phone number, he could have bought a cell phone there on a trip. I live in China and I have an Atlanta Ga phone number. You call it and it rings on my cell phone here. Yep...

    About all you can do, is keep trying his phone
    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,970, Reputation: 6056
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    #5

    Oct 7, 2015, 05:13 AM
    Excuse me, but he told you everything was good and he will contact you when he returns. So what is the issue. Wait until he returns. If you want to grill him about what happened wait until then.

    What you are talking about smacks of stalking.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 53,881, Reputation: 10852
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    #6

    Oct 7, 2015, 06:13 AM
    Actually he is not missing and rather than panic you have to wait to get phone access since you have his number or at least one he used. What would be so important that you cannot wait for him to do his business as said?

    Kind of late to be checking up on an email buddy isn't it? Never met in person? He said he would be back in touch so what's the panic?
    MasseyS's Avatar
    MasseyS Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #7

    Oct 7, 2015, 08:12 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck View Post
    It is possible of course, that almost everything he told you about his self was a lie. He wanted to hide his true identity. Not to sound wrong, but he may be returning on a trip to India and does not want his family there to know of his "online" friends, or he may even have a wife there, (sorry it is possible) I know people who move to America to earn money and leave family in another nation for years.

    And of course we can have or get about any phone number, he could have bought a cell phone there on a trip. I live in China and I have an Atlanta Ga phone number. You call it and it rings on my cell phone here. Yep...

    About all you can do, is keep trying his phone

    I realize that is true, but he showed me things on FaceTime to show me who he really is. I still realize that he could have lied. Unfortunately that happens.

    He said something a few weeks ago about his green card was going to expire soon. If it did, would he have to leave the country for that?

    Quote Originally Posted by ScottGem View Post
    Excuse me, but he told you everything was good and he will contact you when he returns. So what is the issue. Wait until he returns. If you want to grill him about what happened wait until then.

    What you are talking about smacks of stalking.

    What would YOU do for true love?

    Quote Originally Posted by talaniman View Post
    Actually he is not missing and rather than panic you have to wait to get phone access since you have his number or at least one he used. What would be so important that you cannot wait for him to do his business as said?

    Kind of late to be checking up on an email buddy isn't it? Never met in person? He said he would be back in touch so what's the panic?

    It's important because the email doesn't even sound like him. You can't tell that, but I can. It's not written like he writes. We hadn't talked in almost a week, because of a million different reasons. I'm just worried that he may need help or be in trouble of some kind. It's extremely odd that he didn't tell me anything more.

    Never met in person. I don't have a phone. We use email and FaceTime to keep in touch. I'm usually on my email every night for him
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
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    #8

    Oct 7, 2015, 10:04 AM
    UM... How old are you? Have you actually even dated someone. Dating involves both of you being in the same physical location at the same time together.


    You can NOT have true love with someone you have never met or dated in person. You can be infatuated with them however...which is not the same thing...but might feel like it to someone with little or no actual relationship experience. ( and even then some mature people never do learn the difference) I've been around the block more than a few times and wasn't born yesterday so I have a LOT of life experience backing that statement up.


    What you are in love with is the IDEA of being in love with someone you really don't know from Jack.

    Plus everything you said smacks of someone looking to have fun with no real commitment... or play someone for their own benefit.

    There are a lot of people that will say or do anything and any lie to be able to stay. Even if they don't really like that person. They will find someone they DO like and fool around with them on the side.

    There is nothing I think is honest or right about this online pen pal thing you have going. And lets be honest... you never met each other... so that's all it actually is.

    He could actually be a scam artist that's grooming you to start sending him money for this emergency or that emergency.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 53,881, Reputation: 10852
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    #9

    Oct 7, 2015, 10:23 AM
    You may not be able to reach him, but if he were in trouble and needed your help he can reach YOU. Stop assuming, and don't panic as your assumptions are not confirmed, justified, or even reasonable. Even if he got someone else to write the last email it said "don't worry" so DON'T WORRY.

    Or get a prepaid phone card and call on a public phone or a friend's.
    tickle's Avatar
    tickle Posts: 23,801, Reputation: 2674
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    #10

    Oct 7, 2015, 11:48 AM
    No, meeting on line is not stupid. Many people do and it turns out right because the two people have actually decided to meet and are quite mature and put a lot of thought into it. You unfortunately are caught wanting more from someone you have only met on line who probably hasn't been honest, or, maybe has and you are panicking thinking the worst which makes you look quite needy.

    Cant you meet someone the ordinary way. I know it sounds difficult but it's normal.
    Precious7's Avatar
    Precious7 Posts: 333, Reputation: 61
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    #11

    Oct 7, 2015, 12:07 PM
    Indian men are usually married unless Your Man was very young in twenties. Because they have arranged marriage culture so most of them marry according to their Parents decided times and their will. If He was an adult around may be 25 and above, most of them is married and have their own family .They are very family oriented people. They will not leave their family for any one. Divorce culture is not that popular their in India. It could be possible that he was married he has to go back to his family in India or else he is not married but his visa or GC was expiring so he had to go back. Anything can happen! I think just wait for him to contact you again and then ask. May be once he returns, you can ask him about his family and his background if he doesn't respond correctly, if you smell something fishy he may be lying to you (just a tip). :) I hope he contact u back. All the best.
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,253, Reputation: 5642
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    #12

    Oct 7, 2015, 12:16 PM
    Massey, this is not "true love." You have never met in person and you don't even know his given name. This is infatuation on your part. It is very possible you are his cyber girl and he is legally married. All you can do at this point is get on with your life and hope he contacts you again. Don't let your life revolve around him.
    MasseyS's Avatar
    MasseyS Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #13

    Oct 7, 2015, 09:43 PM
    Every one is judging me and you don't even know me. Heck, you don't even know who the hell I'm talking about. You all don't know squat!

    I'm not panicking. I just was hoping for more information on the possibilities of what may be up. Like I already said, I realize it could be a scam. But I don't believe it is.

    Thank you to the couple of people that chose to be reassuring and honest rather than cynical and judgmental.

    BTW, I'm 23 and yes I've dated. But this guy and I weren't dating. We are just friends. We agreed to a non-romantic relationship until we can meet and know each other better. We've known each other over a year now. This wasn't a over-night thing. And we've done nothing but talk. That's it. There were no other benefits.
    ScottGem's Avatar
    ScottGem Posts: 64,970, Reputation: 6056
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    #14

    Oct 8, 2015, 04:42 AM
    First, all we know is what you post. We HAVE to make judgments based on that to be able to answer. If we made incorrect judgments don't attack us, correct the information. Remember we are all volunteers here offering our time and knowledge to help others.

    But frankly I stand by what I said. He warned you he would be out of touch for a while and be back in touch when he could. So that doesn't explain why you are trying to force contact. And you were the one who thinks this is "true love". YOU brought it up. So whatever reaction you got to that is on you. My opinion (and it is going to be cynical) is that our reactions struck a chord and that's why you are reacting as you have.
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
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    #15

    Oct 8, 2015, 05:01 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by MasseyS View Post
    Every one is judging me and you don't even know me. Heck, you don't even know who the hell I'm talking about. You all don't know squat!

    I'm not panicking. I just was hoping for more information on the possibilities of what may be up. Like I already said, I realize it could be a scam. But I don't believe it is.

    Thank you to the couple of people that chose to be reassuring and honest rather than cynical and judgmental.

    BTW, I'm 23 and yes I've dated. But this guy and I weren't dating. We are just friends. We agreed to a non-romantic relationship until we can meet and know each other better. We've known each other over a year now. This wasn't a over-night thing. And we've done nothing but talk. That's it. There were no other benefits.
    As was said.. we base everything on what you have given us. And you certainly DID make it appear far more than that with the urgency and panic. You did say this
    What would YOU do for true love?
    If all you were was friends...then why this urgency and near panic. I have a lot of online friends. It can be days, weeks and sometimes months that pass without chatting online. We do know a lot more than Squat.

    And before YOU jump to conclusions as you have, and make your own judgements on others. Read dozens of cases here (more like hundreds or thousands) or on other sites where people, male AND female forgo actually meeting someone in person and face to face for some internet romance halfway around the world they think is far more than it is... with people they really don't even know are the gender they claim to be... or anything else. Who usually are misrepresenting themselves about any number of things).

    Research Ghana Scam as just one blatant form of it. Its far from rare or uncommon. And lots of married men AND women do it online for the excitement. Far fewer ever go as far as following through with actually meeting the other person..and with those that do...people usually end up hurt. If not physically, then emotionally.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 53,881, Reputation: 10852
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    #16

    Oct 8, 2015, 05:33 AM
    What would YOU do for true love?
    I would have a lot more facts about a true love after a year of communications. Would a true love just disappear and have you worry? Not judging, just an observation of a BIG RED FLAG you should have seen as he warned you weeks ago there may be a problem.

    At this point you have few options of picking up his trail, except this unknown woman in Baltimore whose number you have. Even that is a big gamble as you don't know her. Settle down and give this more thought as friends have to trust... after they verify... what's true and what's not.

    You didn't before, and it may be too late now. Life and love can be rather frustrating....online or in person....relax. Don't be so anxious to rush head first into the unknown without true facts about your "true love".
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #17

    Oct 8, 2015, 06:12 AM
    So you are all worried because the email didn't sound like his writing. My instant reaction is that his wife wrote it. Or his father, or brother...
    Since when do truckers in the US say "I have a job in another country?' Unless he flies, he can go south to Mexico or north to Canada and HE WOULD HAVE NAMED THE COUNTRY. That's a clue that he's lying about being a trucker. The phony phone number is a good clue.
    Fantasy lives online are so common it boggles the mind.

    Many of us here are pretty good and tracking down fakes. Show us a link to his pictures, and his name, and we can probably tell you.
    Cat1864's Avatar
    Cat1864 Posts: 8,007, Reputation: 3687
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    #18

    Oct 8, 2015, 06:49 AM
    Have you kept the emails? That would be the first place to look for clues.

    Other than calling the phone number you have, there really isn't a way to find out more.

    While you may think the email doesn't sound like him, it may be that it is not his usual way of communicating with you. Doesn't mean it isn't him. It also doesn't mean that it isn't closer to the person he really is. Prior emails and such may have been an act he was putting on.

    You may have agreed to a plutonic relationship until you meet in person, but I think you are already thinking of him as more than a friend and it may be affecting how you are reacting. Be honest with yourself. It doesn't matter to us, however, you need to step back emotionally and approach the situation from a logical point of view. Go over your past correspondence with him. Look for clues/red flags that you might have over-looked or dismissed before now.

    I think you need to be very careful if he does get in touch again.

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