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    optimisticrab25's Avatar
    optimisticrab25 Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Jun 5, 2019, 02:11 AM
    Why am I disliking people around me so much?
    Since the past few months I have been questioning my friendships a lot.

    I feel incredibly lonely and isolated.

    - My friends from University (we all graduated last summer and now live in different cities), they all have boyfriends/girlfriends and are moving in with their partners. Not really up for plans/talking to me. I feel ignored.

    - I moved to a new city, I put myself out there and made a couple of friends/acquaintances. None of them initiate conversations/plans and it is always me who has to put in effort. I sometimes feel like I am begging them to be my friends and in turn I feel it makes me look extremely desperate.

    - People at work, I work in a very small team hence less options available. I am the youngest member in my team (22y) and most of them have families/babies/partners so there is no scope for hanging out after work.

    - People back home in my country, I used to have friends when I was younger but they started bullying me and as a consequence I have developed social anxiety around certain members in my hometown which makes me feel even more isolated as I fear seeing them. This makes my parents feel embarrassed of me since everyone calls me a loner. So whenever I do go home, I just stay at home with my sister whilst getting judged by people around me due to my refusal of being around people who are toxic to my well-being. I try, I really try hard to be positive.

    Anyways, the whole point is how do I get out of this rut and stop hating everyone around me? I feel extremely frustrated and tearful sometimes. Is there a solution to this problem or is this a part of the turbulent early 20's life?

    Thank you for reading.
    Wondergirl's Avatar
    Wondergirl Posts: 38,812, Reputation: 5431
    Jobs & Parenting Expert

    Jun 5, 2019, 09:13 AM
    First question: Are you male or female?

    What about volunteering at a hospital or animal shelter or grade school? Your local library reference desk should have a list of possibilities.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,328, Reputation: 10855

    Jun 5, 2019, 12:13 PM
    Perfectly normal for young people to miss the comfort zone they are use to with the people they are use to. Not at all easy to make the transition between that comfort zone and your new life and surroundings. Consider that going back home people have changed and are busy and preoccupied with the new life they have made for themselves. Call and say hello, missed you guys but keep it short when you visit and focus on FAMILY.

    Takes a while to build a life that you enjoy with friends family and activities from scratch, so be patient and adventurous and enjoy the building of that life while you can. You have changed also, and are learning your new self in a new life, and surroundings, so look for others like you. Now where should you look for people your age just fresh on a new job in a new place.

    Ask a coworker, see what they say. That's a start of a conversation even if the don't hang out. When one is busy exploring a new world and experiences personal hang ups tend to get lost in the shuffle.

    Good Luck.
    waltero's Avatar
    waltero Posts: 443, Reputation: 5
    Full Member

    Jun 5, 2019, 12:16 PM
    Is there a solution to this problem or is this a part of the turbulent early 20's life?
    Yes, sometimes it is hard when friends and family go on to live their own life.

    You must start somewhere. Just by showing up, you take the first steps in the right direction to alleviate your loneliness. Be a yes person instead of a no person. When you get invited out to places or just when an opportunity comes your way, don’t be afraid to say yes. Just go for it and see where the adventure takes you. You never know where it could lead. Be completely honest about why you feel lonely and how you got there. It will help you fix the problem so much faster.

    You can’t make new friends and meet new people by sitting holed up in your house alone. By forcing yourself to go out to social events, you increase your chances of meeting likeminded people who you get on with. Even if the idea of it seems scary and nerve-wracking, the more you put yourself in these situations, the more you will get used to them and the easier they become.

    There’s a bigger picture here, beyond friendship: You have to cultivate an interior life that you enjoy.

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