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    SpankyM8's Avatar
    SpankyM8 Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Jan 10, 2018, 03:45 AM
    Relationship/Life Advice?
    Hello everyone! I am only on here because these love songs and sad songs are making me re-think my life.(PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS WILL/MIGHT BE LENGTHY, MY APOLOGIES!)
    I've been depressed my entire life; Well, ever since I can remember. I've thought about suicide a few times... but I think I've moved past that. I am not the type of depressed person where the cause is some life situation, or maybe I am... I've been depressed for a reason that I have not yet come to realize.
    I mostly feel empty, I've lost interest in all hobbies/things I used to really enjoy and love! I don't really care for anything to be honest. I don't have a lot of friends... not because I'm weird(I am pretty weird) but because I just don't like people all that much or at least being around them. Not even my family.
    I've always been a kind generous guy/person, I have a VERY strong will power but have never been able to find something to make me feel like I have a purpose, I've been on a life long journey to re-ignite that fire inside of me... like everyone talks about. Even a little flicker would be nice. :):
    I have a job, I go to the gym, I play instruments... I've learned how to do most of everything I've wanted to learn; with the exceptions of a few things of course... mostly because the lack of money, but not a big downer about that. Just everything I do... I learn it, and then I'm done... I just lose interest. My first instrument was the Piano.. I spent a year playing and getting everything down and playing it awesomely!
    And then... I just lose interest and haven't touched it since. Same thing for the guitar, violin, harp, drums, sax... I can play them all.. but I have no desire for it. Same thing for sports. Same thing for Life. :(
    Even when I was young I always wanted to find true love! I'm almost 19 now and I just got basically my first "Real" Girlfriend about 3 months ago. I fell in love with her... and shortly thereafter... I "lost interest" BUT not in her... in love... ;( I do love her I still believe that inside I am still in love with her so... I cannot screw that up... she loves me and knows about my depression, and accepts it. She has helped me a bit with it, and I've helped her with hers and her anxiety.
    I am numb... in everything when I'm with her... everything else ceases to exist... I am at peace... I say little to nothing... I don't feel sadness or anything not even joy... but you know? Peace :) and then I feel like I'm not enough for her! I've told her that's how I felt and she told me that it's okay and that she chose me and loves me so I trust her there.
    My problem is... I need a desire! But I'm afraid nothing of this world will bring it... I've tried Jesus... and I think I failed there big time.. I loved it so much though :( I got baptised and saved.. and everything! And then a week later I lost faith and that was the end of that... it was out of self-shame! :( I've never continuously hated myself... but I've never liked myself either. I feel like a stranger to my own mind.
    I need help.
    I just hope all of you can read this and speculate here.. maybe you guy's/gals and make sense of this? :( I just need things to try.. I've tried mostly everything! Something isn't right! I can feel happiness/joy!! But only briefly... and then it's gone. My light is quickly fading... if it's there at all :( Please help!
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
    current pert

    Jan 10, 2018, 04:00 AM
    Hi, I'm not so different from you, except for being female and 71.
    I have no answer. I can't stand banal exhortations to 'just get out and do things' or 'stop thinking about yourself and do for others for a while,' although that second one does have some value.
    I have examined my past to see where it all originated. I won't get into it. Unloving, miserable mother, mostly. Plenty of people have had it much much worse.
    I especially hear you on romantic love. Something missing.
    I think you do have to look at your childhood, your family, and find the missing love. That love is what allows us to have desire for interest in life and interests of specific kinds, such as music.
    Now in my old age, I try to joke. I cultivate a crusty curmudgeon persona. Not difficult - it's who I am.
    Perhaps you have the lyrics for a sad song in you.... just one example of cultivating who you are.
    I tend to gravitate towards animals for meaning, rather than a skill at something. All I have now is a cat. After my dog died over a year ago, I couldn't bring myself to get another one, because I'm ready to depart this life myself.
    I tell people I'm not a life freak. Anyone who tries to force me to be happy gets their clock cleaned.
    You are still YOUNG, very very young.
    You have miles to go before you know who you are. Good luck! I like you!
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,328, Reputation: 10855

    Jan 10, 2018, 07:10 AM
    Are you working, or in a school of higher learning? Do you have a career path or goals? Where is it going? Do you just date, and have fun? How is the relationship with family? Got friends you enjoy on a regular basis, or maybe a best friend? What are your living arrangements? At home still, or with room mates maybe? How about your girlfriend? Is she working or in school? Where does she live?

    It's not unusual at all for young teens to not have clear directions of where they want their life to be headed after high school, or a long term plan to work toward. I can certainly empathize with that, and maybe you should make a plan, and if life plans are to big of a challenge right now, then make it a 5 year plan. Where do you want to be in 5 years?

    LOL, you think your journey through life started long ago? My young talented articulate friend, your life journey has just begun, and you just need a direction in which to get started. So what's the plan MAN? What's the FIRST step? I think the relationship with YOURSELF is just starting to be defined, so rise to the challenge, or are you afraid to take that risk? Sorry you didn't find Jesus, but you can certainly learn from his example, as obviously he found a personal relationship with the God that he understood that was greater than him, that guided, his path on his journey through life. He was dedicated and committed to that path, despite the many obstacles, and challenges he encountered. He was not afraid to go into the wilderness to find out what he was made of.

    Not saying be a preacher, just be grateful for having a choice to make, and the courage to follow through with YOUR CHOICE despite the challenges and obstacles, experiences and FAILURES. Didn't your teen years teach you that you could tackle things and become proficient? That's something to build on and give you some confidence as well as the ability to deal with YOUR own challenges. I think you will rise to this new challenge too, as you figure out the adult phase of your life journey.

    So what do you think? Can you please answer my questions, as your post is about NOW with no hints of the future (Your hopes and dreams.), or the past (Your experiences, which shape us in profound ways.). help me out here.

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