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    natashap25's Avatar
    natashap25 Posts: 48, Reputation: 1
    Junior Member
     
    #1

    Jan 26, 2018, 02:11 PM
    New Crush
    Reading through my older posts I have noticed how much I have grown as a person and received the help I needed.

    Moving to University has been great and I've met wonderful people. One guy has stolen my heart and is the nicest guy I've ever come across. He's been there for me at my worst and understands my condition. However I do think he only likes me as a friend since the signs are very mixed.

    He would invite me to his birthday But then not talk to me or look at me in class. He'll ask my friends about me but hardly ever talk to me. He's confusing, possibly shy and he probably thinks I'm stupid because I act weird and make drama out of things. He's also called me a "character" previously which I don't know the meaning of and thinks of me as a poor little girl suffering from anxiety who needs help. Thing is, it's really hard to get over him since I see him so frequently but I do not want to lose the friendship. I also thinks there's a certain perception he has of brown girls being a white guy himself which makes him really awkward sometimes. How can I best deal with this situation without causing too much emotional pain to myself ? It is extremely disheartening to be rejected and it is impacting my self esteem.
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
    current pert
     
    #2

    Jan 26, 2018, 04:54 PM
    You've had many years of emotions all over the place. You said yourself that you are a drama queen. It's time now (age 20? ) to step back a bit from each potential romance, because you still get so embroiled in them that you blame your low self esteem on rejection. Work on what you want to do for a career, and where you interests are.

    Be honest - do you present yourself as the poor little anxious girl who needs help? If you do, then the way this guy (who sounds very nice and caring) is acting is a response to how you are acting.
    See if you can act more mature and self-assured.
    Alty's Avatar
    Alty Posts: 28,318, Reputation: 5972
    Pets Expert
     
    #3

    Jan 26, 2018, 09:46 PM
    It's time to learn that rejection happens to everyone, and you have to learn how to deal with it without completely falling apart whenever someone doesn't feel the same way about you as you do about them.

    Not every guy you're into is going to feel the same way about you, some guys do just want to be friends with you. He's your friend, and it seems that's all he has an interest in being, so accept it, enjoy the friendship, and let go of any romantic ideas with this guy. Or, if you can't handle being around him because he doesn't feel the same about you as you do him, then dump him as a friend. But be warned, if you do that you may end up without any friends.

    Time to focus on school and forget about a relationship for a while. As for this guy, return the friendship, but stop fantasizing that it will turn into anything else. It's not fair on him to have to deal with your anxiety because he can't return your feelings for him.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,328, Reputation: 10855
    Expert
     
    #4

    Jan 27, 2018, 05:35 AM
    Rejection isn't about YOU. It's about them. Once you figure that out and stop taking it personally, you won't be so insecure and let it affect you, or yourself esteem. Disappointment doesn't last unless you hold on to it. That would be sad since there has to be a lot more to do in your life.
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
    Uber Member
     
    #5

    Jan 27, 2018, 07:03 AM
    As was mentioned by other plus remember this... not everyone wants to be a friend, not all friends want to be "special" friends, but they are still friends.

    Be happy you have him as a friend at all, even if he has no interest in being more.

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