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    ProllySomeDay's Avatar
    ProllySomeDay Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Dec 13, 2017, 07:55 AM
    My Life So Far
    I'm going to turn 26 in July, and I was on social media accounts during my lunch break yesterday.

    Decided to look up some old classmates and friends I lost touch with, and a brief overview of their LinkedIN and Facebook made me more depressed.

    2 gals in particular I went to piano school with are younger than me, both married now *they're 23 and the other is 20* have houses, and one of them is pursuing their MA in Political Science next year.

    She has appeared in various online articles-and she is constantly praised for being top in her class with a bright future ahead of her in Law School.

    Her older sister is a music teacher and she and her husband constantly post their happy life and wedding photos.

    I understand a simple "don't look at their profiles" is the best solution, but I can't help being human and comparing my life to theirs. I'm older, have been through many meaningless, abusive relationships, never married, never been engaged, dropped the music because I just didn't see myself doing it for life, and never wanted to pursue a Master degree or anything.

    I live a very simplistic life, and I'm having a tough time finding a stable job.

    I don't get how some people manage to have it all without putting in much effort into anything. Their mother is a high school teacher, and I'm 99% sure she pulled major strings here and there for them, whereas I had to work for everything I own, and I still struggle and suffer.

    Just very depressed and fed up.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 53,912, Reputation: 10852
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    #2

    Dec 13, 2017, 08:37 AM
    As you say you are only human and most of us have no control over our feelings, just what we do about them. I suggest you take ownership of them and stop comparing yourself and your life to others. Can you not see you only get depressed over the ones you THINK are doings so fabulous, and ignore being grateful over those that are not. Such a narrow view is what distracts you from solving YOUR real issue, what you could/should be doing about YOUR life.

    My suggestion is make GRATITUDE your attitude, and give thanks for surviving the storms in your life, and ABLE to keep working to do better for yourself. Look around you and be honest, and find some blessings to be grateful for (Life, liberty, and good health come to mind!). They may be small, but they add up big time. Isn't the fact that you are still working on better things a small blessing? See how easy it is to be positive and progressive? No need to block that good flow with feeding jealousy or envy, when you can be happy for others successes as you work on your own.

    Holidays at this time of year are really hard when you feel alone and isolated from friends or family, so reconnect and bring that genuine happiness with you, or better yet... do something really good to help those less blessed than you are. There is no greater feeling in the world than giving and sharing love and comfort to those going through much greater life storms than you, and volunteering at churches and hospitals is the place to go, or the Red Cross, Salvation Army, Meals on Wheels.

    These are but a few POSITIVE ACTIONS you can take to change your outlook, and deal with your depression in a constructive helpful way! See, you do have a way to lift yourself, and you don't have to just sit on a pity pot and feed your depression. So what do you think my fellow human? Are you ready to get busy or NOT?
    joypulv's Avatar
    joypulv Posts: 21,593, Reputation: 2941
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    #3

    Dec 13, 2017, 08:54 AM
    I was a lot like you in my mid 20s (now 71). Slightly different reasons: I was expected to become a well educated professional, but I dropped out of 3 good schools, one right after the other, all after one semester. It took me decades to decide that no matter whether we do what our parents want, do what they did, do what we want, not know what we want, are miserable or not miserable, we are who we are. All the pithy sayings about being who you want to be, shaking off the past, dropping the baggage, none of it really matters. We are who we are. I changed in some ways and in other ways I didn't, either because I tried and lost, or just couldn't be bothered. I sometimes wallow in the past, but mostly don't. I may be a bit wistful about the old friends who because huge successes, or have had happy relationships, or are super healthy and look unchanged, but that too is just the way it goes.

    To carry what talaniman just said forward, not just gratitude, but also PRIDE. What are you proud of about yourself? You write well. I'm proud of my brains (although it's more intuition than genius). I'm proud of my wit (although plenty of people are far funnier). And another question: what would your ideal life be?
    ProllySomeDay's Avatar
    ProllySomeDay Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #4

    Dec 13, 2017, 09:00 AM
    I honestly don't have much of a 'clear direction', but I ideally see myself working in a college or university, OR as a return-to-work/disability case worker (went to school for that and I am months away from completing my post graduate diploma).

    I'm unfortunately doing what talaniman suggested, and it's not working or helping, haha. I have been through most of it; volunteered, give my time and energy to other people, and it's all fun and great, but in the end, nothing has really gone well for me.

    I too dropped a few graduate programs until I found one that I could complete, but I'm tired of reflecting back and seeing how far I fell from my original ideals/goals.

    Aside from the writing, I really don't have much in my life.
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 53,912, Reputation: 10852
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    #5

    Dec 13, 2017, 09:21 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by ProllySomeDay View Post
    I honestly don't have much of a 'clear direction', but I ideally see myself working in a college or university, OR as a return-to-work/disability case worker (went to school for that and I am months away from completing my post graduate diploma).
    Looks like a clear path to me!

    I'm unfortunately doing what talaniman suggested, and it's not working or helping, haha. I have been through most of it; volunteered, give my time and energy to other people, and it's all fun and great, but in the end, nothing has really gone well for me.
    Is that an honest evaluation of your volunteering experience? What did you expect from it that you didn't get, specifically, how it didn't work out too well for you?

    I too dropped a few graduate programs until I found one that I could complete, but I'm tired of reflecting back and seeing how far I fell from my original ideals/goals.
    Ideas and goals change with time and circumstance and experience. It's called making adjustments as you grow, and even I can see that's what's going on here, even if you cannot. Don't be DISCOURAGED, keep pushing forward, and stop looking back! Or at least don't give those reflections more weight than they deserve, because you seem unable to mark it as progress when you are distracted by regret.

    Hindsight is 20/20, and we all have regrets, that's human, but why DWELL on them?

    Aside from the writing, I really don't have much in my life.
    How can you dismiss so easily the accomplishments you have so far? Obviously there are more to come. I get the times of FEELING discouraged, we all have that, just don't quit on yourself.
    smoothy's Avatar
    smoothy Posts: 25,495, Reputation: 2853
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    #6

    Dec 13, 2017, 10:25 AM
    #1. Many people only put the GOOD things about their life on social media... you don't hear about the bad.

    #2. I could tell you about the things I've done and experiences since I graduated from college... some people will flat out argue I did do those and call BS, some would look and believe me and wonder in awe at what an exciting life I have had so far, when reality is... I tend to be honest and direct.. and don't overinflate anything I've done, I don't BS about stuff I didn't actually do. But also from my perspective.. they really weren't all that exciting at the time, some where I have some sort of claim to fame, I actually hated with a passion at the time, they were all just jobs and steps alone the way to climbing the ladder. At worst they were good experiences to remember... at best experiences I enjoyed... none were actually , "Woo Hoo look at me" type things...

    Life is what you make it... be careful who you envy. Ever hear the story, be careful what you wish for, you just might get it. There is always more to every story much of it dark... even a fairy tale.

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