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Ultra Member
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Apr 18, 2008, 10:10 PM
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1. Someone likes me at first, then after meeting with them a few times, their interest is less. You are good at beginning relationships. Continuing the good conversation depends on the other person being interested. How do you hold their initial interest? People have a need to be liked (well, you know that.) Ask questions about things they have mentioned, like girlfriend, children, work, parents, something they said they don't like. Ask about it, remember what they said last time. If you spend an hour with them and see their mood change, ask them what they're thinking about that make their expression change. Ask calmly, casually, listen to the answer. Ask about their answer if it made sense to you. People like to talk about themselves and be listened to.
2. You are good looking and feel that others try to pull you down. Sometimes people put each other down to "feel better." Again, they want to be liked, good looking, interesting and listened to. They also wish to feel attractive. Smile at them. Talk to them as if they are the best thing around. Ask how they feel, how they found shoes or a purse that matches the belt, the jacket (women.) Men, show appreciation for the success they just had at their job, or on an exam. If they have a great car, tell them you think so. You can't fake this, if you think their car or shoes look like dog poo, compliment them on something else.
3. Love, romantic love is something that happens to you. When you are in love with a woman, what your family may think of her is the farthest thing from your mind. Often she is the only thing you can think of. When you fall in love, you will know it.
You do not need a woman by your side to feel OK! "Fighting" the world is not done with a cheerleader. Women do not make men complete. A complete man, and a complete woman come together to make each other's lives better by providing support. When you and a woman are in love, she will be your partner. Most "fighting of the world" will then be done with the support of the partner. When she has a difficult exam coming up, you will support her by letting her get enough sleep and by studying with her if it helps her. She will do the same for you.
4. I want to be a good person but people say, "he never speaks his mind." Understand, learn what they mean by "never speaks his mind." The problem may be cultural, or linguistic. Ask someone, tell them that you've heard that you don't speak your mind. Ask her what this might mean.
5. You are lonely. You aren't alone in feeling this way. But you feel alone. You must talk, share, complain and commiserate. You must ask, just a little, to get people to begin talking to you. You must improve your talking and listening skills in a different language, English. Even people who are born here do not always understand how to talk to others. This is a skill, one you will use your whole life. Learn it well.
6. How to be cool? Even if you are one step ahead of another person, the coolest thing to do is to let them be a jerk. Don't you be a jerk. Give them your complete attention, face them, your head slightly to one side. When they are done talking, ask if there is something you can help them with (if they said something rude, that is.) Or you can say, "I'm not sure how I can answer that." Remember, people want to be noticed, liked and wanted. By making you the "bad guy" they may be gaining the acceptance of their friends.
Above all else, whenever you have time, learn the language and culture of where you are. Know it better than the natives do. If all you can do in a situation is listen, and feel left out, listen. Write down things that continue to puzzle you. Look them up later. Ask someone later what that meant.
Since I am the only one answering your post, you may PM (private message) me with further questions. I know, being lonely and wondering why they keep acting this way is painful.
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