If something is always bothering you, some people may be harsh and tell you to just get over it.

So how do you do that?

Focus on something completely different in your life.
If it's a relationship gone bad move the focus to work or a new hobby, basically something completely different.

I guess the first thing to do is to examine why something is bothering you. Do you have good reason to be bothered by it, or is there some other underlying cause.

Then, evaluate what you can do about it. Is it something you can change? Is it something you should change? Plan how you will create this change, and act accordingly.

If it is something you cannot change, then you have no choice but to accept it as it is.

This is a VERY broad approach based on a VERY broad question! ;)

I've tried, like playing videogames, weightlifting, watching TV, but it doesn't really work.

I think I have a good enough reason to be so bothered about it, I don't know. I'm not sure if I can change it but I'm working on trying to change it for the future. It's still getting to me all the time though.

The key to focusing on something different is to distract yourself from thinking about the troublesome issue. However, when that troubling issue creeps into your mind and you allow yourself to dwell on it, then your just backtracking which makes it harder to let the situation or issue go.
You have to make the decision to let it go, then be completely dedicated to making it leave. When the troubling issue pops into your head, tell yourself "no, I will not think about this" and think of something else immediately.
I often have a hard time with this... When something is bothering me, it's almost impossible to think of anything else. But I did find ways to get around it and it makes getting over things easier.
To put some other thoughts inside my head to drown out the issue, I'll start looking at things and describing to myself how they look. I'll go on a walk and try to count the leaves or see how many flowers or birds I can see. I have to find and give myself something else to focus on. Sometimes I have to do this repeatedly, every single time the issue pops into my mind which could be 100 times a day, but it pays off and the issue fades away.
But please remember, every time you allow yourself to dwell on the issue, you set yourself back to where you started.
It's hard... but it does get better if you stay consistent in your efforts to let it go.
I still have disturbing thoughts pop into my head every now and then about something that happened to me a year and a half ago that I use to dwell on every minute of every day. Every time they pop up, I just tell myself "no" and redirect my thoughts... And the next time it pops up, I do the same thing.

It's by far a quick fix and takes dedication, but in the long run it offers peace of mind.
I hope this helps.
Kae

Thanks.

I have managed to stop the thought which causes a lot of emotional pain from properly coming into my head a lot, I've done this by wearing an elastic band on my wrist and snapping it back very hard so my brain associates the physical pain with the thoughts and will train it to not let the thought intrude anymore. They still happen, but it's quite rare.

The thing is, all the time, the couple of things that trouble me are still always there in the back of my head, I'm still aware of them, making me feel very down, it's hard for me to enjoy anything.

Ross,

Just getting over it really all depends on what IT is. You can get over something's just by occupying your mind and your time, but others, well, they require different measures.

What you are doing with the rubber band I like to call a "tough love effect." You are inflicting physical pain to get over maybe emotional pain. You are hurting yourself physically because you are hurting in some other fashion.

You need to examine exactly what IT is, as I said that you are trying to get over. Sometimes counseling is the only way (as in drug or alcohol abuse, depression, etc).

So, in summary, getting over IT is possible using the methods described or the method you are currently using. But sometimes IT is a bigger problem and requires more.

This is what it is,

Not being able to get a woman, and the fact that one actually did offer me sex but I feel too anxious and uncomfortable with having to travel really far for it, so I now know there is a woman out there willing to have sex with me but there's nothing I can do about it. Keep in mind I'm a virgin and I'm 31 and have never had a woman act like she's attracted to me offline before, so this is very important to me.

These things have been on my mind almost constantly for the past 3 weeks eating away at me, and I can't take it any more.

Okay, now we are getting to the bottom of IT. Not to make light of your situation of course.

Now, are you worried only about sex? Are you trying just for sex or are you wanting a relationship?

If it is the latter, a relationship is not formed strictly by sex.

Let's go one further... What exactly are you looking for and where have you been looking?

I'd be more than happy with just sex, and it's not just about getting off, there's a lot of psychological aspects to it as well, like it'd be proof that some women offline are sexually attracted to me, etc, etc, etc, it's just really important to me even if I'm not feeling horny in the slightest.

But I'd also love a relationship as well.

I haven't really been looking for sex, since I wouldn't be able to do anything about it anyway because of being housebound because of social anxiety, but I have been looking to have some sort of internet romance with a woman in the UK, because of the hope of me getting better and eventually being able to meet her.

This has already happened a few times without me actually looking for it but it's always with women that live in America, and at the end of the day it makes things too complicated when they live in another country.

You don't. Every feeling we have has a cause, and the cause needs to be addressed to make things better. In some circumstances we cannot alter whatever it is that causes us to be unhappy. In those cases we have to change our attitude to them.. However, that is easier said than done. Those who tell anyone who is suffeirng to "just get over it" either have little experience of pain and disappointment, or else they are ignorant of what makes people 'tick,' or they are callous and uncaring.

Sometimes all that is required is an understanding friend with whom to talk things through. At other times it takes the help of a professional counsellor to help you to sort out your feelings and grow to strength, and to eventually reach the point where what once troubled you troubles you less than it did, thus letting you get on with your life without the unpleasant pall of the past hovering over you like a dark and brooding spectre.

Most things can be 'got over' but often only with help and with the passing of time, so that our perspective is slowly changed and we become more capable of coping with those things that trouble us.

I wish you the very best for the future.



M:)RGANITE

Two things.

First and I may be completely off here so if I am fill free to tell me but I don't think "punishing" yourself by giving you small doses of pain is the way to go. Granted it's not a big pain but I just wonder if it could lead to introducing more pain to yourself down the road. If you could set up a reward system somehow for yourself even if it's just something as small as saying something good about yourself every 30 minutes or hour that passes with out being negative. In other words slowly change your behavior so that you become comfortable with building yourself up.

Second have you tried writing down some long range goals and focused on attaining them? Do that feeds your brain because it gives you something to shoot for. You can also hang it up goals at the bathroom mirror so that when you first wake up in the morning and you are brushing your teeth you are feeding your brain some of the goals you want to attain.