Ok I have never done this before but here I go. I need help for my 16 year old son who has cut himself in the past and well is just hateful to the family.

Problem: I have a son that is cussing at me for anything and everything. He has in the past cut himself, known as cutting, on his arms, legs, and chest. I hospitalized him for a few days to get help. Now he is lying, not talking to anyone unless he is yelling, and hits his brother. He has told me that there is only one person he is listening to and it is not me. I have found out that it is a school friend who has cut in the past herself. Also he has an obsession with a girl (not the one he is talking to). He follows her around and well he has gotten to the point were he has scared me that he is going to end up in jail and I do not want to send him to school.

What we have done: I have been seeking counseling from a therapist and I have tried the nice approach and everything else she has suggested. IT ISN'T WORKING. I have taken away everything from the video games to the computer and have had no change in behavior. He is also on meds for his problems and they are not working either.

I need some advice I do not know what to do anymore I can not sleep very well. I have even been sleeping on the couch to make sure he is not sneaking out at night. I am scared that one night he is going to wake up and try to hurt someone in my home because I am home without my husband right now because he is deployed.

Please if anyone has any ideas please give them. I am at wits end and really want to go back to some kind of life. :confused: :confused: :confused:

I am so sorry you are going through this. Is there a chance your son is taking drugs? This could explain some of the changes he's experiencing. Also, are you certain he is taking his prescription medication, and not flushing it down the toilets or throwing it away.
Maybe just hospitalizing him for a few days is not enough, maybe you could get him into a treatment program for behavior modification. Could his doctors recommend any?

I am sure he is taking his meds because I make him talk to me for a few minutes and not let him go the bathroom. That was suggested to me because they get bitter if they are in the mouth too long. No Drugs, he has been tested. I have looked into other programs but unless you have a lot of money you can not afford them. His Doctors haven't really gave me any suggestions accept be nice and well it doesn't work.

The hardest part of this is that we use to be real close

I'm 19 years old so I was at the stage a few years ago. To tell you the truth it is normally a phase. The cutting is definitely a problem but if he isn't hiding it, he is looking for attention. Now a days (believe it or not) cutting is looked at as almost a trend instead of a suicide attempt. I know so many people who did the same thing when they were sixteen but as the grade as a whole matured, the trend stopped. I think counseling will just make him mad. I think your best shot is maybe a sibling, cousin, friend, or someone close to his age that will talk to him. Someone he looks up to. Kids at that age will do anything to rebel against their parents, so don't take offense to it. The person who talks to him just needs to let him realize that he needs to get over it. It isn't the cool thing to do. The one definite thing that will stop that... is when his friends stop doing it.

I'm sorry but I disagree with almost everything you have just posted.

It is a serious issue not 'just a trend.' Although you are right that self harm is rarely a suicide attempt.

They probably stopped as the found better ways to deal with stress/pain/ what was causing the self harm. Either that or they got better at hiding it.

No the right counsellor could really help. Thre are several different types of counseller and therapy. The trick is to find the right type for the person.

This is risky as the person they talk to may not be mature enough to understand or cope with the issues this young boy has. They could make it worse by offering unconstructive advice. Also they are not professionally trained. Suppose he did serious harm to himself, they may blame themselves.

Self harm is not attention seeking it is attention needing.

This is a helpful site for understanding self harm I suggest you read it as you obviously don't. secret shame (self-injury information and support)

I have had people his own age talk to him and well it hasn't worked. He has done quite a bit of damage to himself it wasn't just his arms or legs but his chest and sides. I am really worried about him and it wouldn't be so bad for me except for the obsession over this girl and the complete defiant behavior toward his family.

Let me give you and example of the obesession over this girl. He follows her around at school and he keeps saying he is the only one that can help her. I told him when they broke up for the second time after a two month to get over it and he still isn't.

As for the family part he has tired to hit me (yes he is a lot bigger than me) until I tell him if he hits me he is going to jail or that I am going to call his uncle (because my husband is deployed) then he thinks twice.

I do not feel safe in my own home and it sucks!! I haven't slept in my own bed in 4 months.

Hi, my name is Andrea and I have been suffering from depression for 5 years and I am 20. I read your questions and problems and it sounds like your son is me (or was me when I was younger) but in male form. Dealing with the same issues as him, you have to realize what he is doing is code for attention. Now you have to place yourself in his shoes. Is he having a hard time at school because school was the worst place for me. He might feel alone like no one "loves" him or "likes" him, for those we reasons I dealt with. The best thing to do is start acting like a friend. Maybe he needs to talk to someone who he is close to whether that be you, his father, cousin exc. When I was going through all of this my mother drove me nuts as well, not because I hated her, it was because I felt that she didn't understand what I was going through and I felt alone. I have been a cutter since I was 12. The reason for cutting is to release anger, or internal pain. I did it because I was mad at myself, I hated myself. Now listen carefully. I was on meds for years (and you should really research about this) and I have had meds that made me bipolar, anorexic, and belimic. There are millions of meds out there and there is one that is right for your son. Your son could be acting worse because of the meds that he is on. They may not be the right ones for him. Now what to do about it. When I was at my worst my parents brought me to the best specialtist in Ohio at the Cleveland clinic. I was admitted to the ER and from there was put into a pysch ward. Now it wasn't the kind your prob thinking about. No straight jackets or anything like that. It was like a nursing home, better than I had expected. But the whole idea behind this was to keep me safe from hurting myself aka cutting. I was in there for about 3 days. I met with a group of the finest pyschitrists every morning. They put me on drugs according to what my symptoms were and so on. Basically the hospital keeps you in there lind of like a lab rat. They try out different meds to see if there are side affects until they think you are stable enough to go back to the real world. It was one of the scariest, hardest, but best thing I have ever done in my life. Now I am gettitng better day by day and no more cutting! Ok so my advice is if you don't feel safe and you can't talk to your son about his problems or what he's thinking. Then you need to research on where to take him for help and Im not talking about your family doctor but really a place that speacializes in these sorts of areas. Your son needs to get better before anything else. He is the most important. I had to drop out of school because it got so bad, but my health is the most important. You need to find help for him whether he likes it or not. But you are the parent and you know and decides what is best for him. First comes the meds then the counseling! Because at this point he may not want to talk to a complete stranger and might just make him even madder. Which in my case it did for me. My doctors told me that they concentrate on the biggest problem, get rid of that one then work on the other areas. Therapy comes last when your son is ready to talk. I wish you the best of luck and you will be in my prayers!