I have a grandson who is four years old. He is exhibiting what I think might be early sociopathic tendencies. He destroys any toy he has. He often ruins or destroys things that belong to others. He would rather tear something apart than play with it. I feel his parents let him watch too many violent movies and TV programs. He also is severely disciplined for any misbehavior. His parents say because he is a boy, he has to learn to be tough. He has guns, knives, swords and things like that to play with also. On the other hand he is very sensitive and caring about whether somebody in his family is hurt or not feeling well. I just want to know if I should be concerned or stay out of it. The parents really don't want to hear what I have to say.

Of course kids playing with guns, knives and swords is normal, kids have played with them, or pretended sticks were guns for years.

Not sure what severely disciplined is, do they beat him with sticks, so they leave him bruised and bleeding? Or do they merely spank him for bad behavior

I doubt that is little you can do unless the parents want to seek counseling for the child.

Is he deceitful or manipulative? Most sociopaths display a lack of empathy, superficial charm, and inflated self appraisal-
Three or more of the following are required:

Failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest;
Deceitfulness, as indicated by repeatedly lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure;
Impulsivity or failure to plan ahead;
Irritability and aggressiveness, as indicated by repeated physical fights or assaults;
Reckless disregard for safety of self or others;
Consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations;
Lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another.

Model love and affection for the boy.

In addition, take him at least once a day to a park and have him run himself ragged, play on the swings etc. If parents don't want him to play with their kids, don't take it personally... you're there to be a positive influence.

Avoid giving him sugary foods and drinks.

I don't get to see him every day but I do know he spends a lot of time outside with the neighbor kids. It is silent destruction when he knows nobody is watching him, he will tear up things. He isn't left alone long but at four he shouldn't have to be constantly supervised. He destroys most of his toys on purpose and will do the same to your things. I bought new bar stools. I told him I would be right back to play a game with him. I was only gone long enough to turn the computer on for my granddaughter. When I returned, he had found a nail file and dug holes in the seats of the stools. Even though he is punished, he doesn't stop this kind of behavior. Then he will lie or try to blame his sister when confronted. He ruined all of his aunt's makeup although she had her door shut and he had strict instructions never to go in her room. She was gone for the evening. He got out of bed when they thought he was asleep and opened all of her costly cosmetics and smeared them all over the dresser and himself. Then after being grounded and not playing with toys for a week, he did the same thing again. Why??

They do not give him sugary foods and drinks. They do have fruit juice but mostly water and milk and no candy. The mother is very strict about their diet. She is Asian by the way so they eat a lot of rice etc. He doesn't appear to be hyper.

Thanks for your help... J

I think he is *so angry* that he isn't shown love that he is getting even. The next step might be setting fires in closets. HIs rage is growing and has to be addressed.

He wants to be loved, not corrected, bossed around, dominated and so on. He is only 4 years old. :)

Your role in the boy's life is to show him grandmotherly love and affection.

That is why I am so worried. You know the backgrounds of those kids that do the shootings in the schools is a lot like my grandson's. His parents can't see what they are doing. They do love him and give him affection but the majority of the time he is in trouble. Even his sister dominates him. She is 6. I don't get to have him that often because I live in a senior facility but when I do, I try to provide a calm atmosphere for him. I have started talking to my daughter in law though so maybe just getting some dialog started will help. Do you have any suggestions how I can approach this with her? She doesn't read books and things so I don't think I can give her a book to read.

I think you are overreacting. He may be acting out some frustration but sociopath? Really? You do realize the EXTREME rarity of a clinically dx sociopath? I did a lot of the same things your grandson did as a child. I was stubborn and frustrated, sure but a sociopath? That is laughable. I hate to say it but women sometimes are too involved with others lives and overreact. Emeshed, anyone?

I feel sorry for teachers these days because they have so much to deal with. I was a teacher for fourteen years in the seventies and things are so different now. My grandson is very aggressive at school disturbing the class, pinching other kids etc. so that makes his parents stricter with him and he barely has any privileges. They have taken away all of his toys and he has to stay in his room a lot. All this does is make him angrier. It is too bad. All I can hope is that things will change.

He may have autism that hasn't been diagnosed yet. Remember that autism comes in many different forms. It is not always easily detected. Has he been tested for autism?

I have a cousin who is 5 and was very violent about 2 years ago and had a speech impedement. Once she was diagnosed with autism a year ago, she has steadily improved and is expected to reverse her autism in 3 more years.

NO he hasn't been tested for anything. The parents are in denial so unless the teacher or doctor notices something, I don't think they will do anything. But you might be right about autism and I will suggest that to them. By the way, he is adopted.