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    Unknownjin's Avatar
    Unknownjin Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #1

    Jun 27, 2007, 03:37 PM
    Friend seems distant nowadays
    I've been friends with this girl online for about 1.5 years. (strictly platonic) We didn't really talk a lot until about 4 months ago. From then till about May we talked like almost everyday, or quite a few times a week. And they were really fun and nice to talk to, and I was glad that she wanted to actually talk to me.

    But around the end of May, I started to get annoyed because she didn't come on MSN as regularly as she used to (like, she came on once every 3 days). So I left her a MS message, and she didn't reply to it, so I sent her an email like, "hey is there some reason you're not coming on MSN?". Then she said she has been really busy etc, and she was annoyed that I accused her of ignoring me. ( even though she kind of was ignoring me, because I know for a fact that she was not busy at all, and was on the computer most of the time)

    So then in June we were talking, and I said something like "you don't really talk to me like you used to" or something and she said "I'm kinda afraid that if i get too chatty, you'll go all clingy again and i'll be sad lol"
    But she is so un-fun and boring to talk to nowadays, whereas before it was like she actually -wanted- to talk with me.

    So since about the start of June, she has only been on MSN about 5 times, and when she talks to me, she seems really distant. Like, she used to be really happy and bubbly, and it took her 10 - 15 seconds to reply to my messages. But now it takes ~1.5 - 3 minutes. And she doesn't really try to continue the conversation.. she more or less just sort of "responds" to my questions, and waits till I say something.

    All I really ever wanted was to be good friends with her. And I never once took our friendship for granted. How can I make her talk to me like she used to? Should I act distant as well, or like, tell her it's all right for her to talk to me normally? I don't know, but its kind of depressing me.

    Thanks!
    Rina _4's Avatar
    Rina _4 Posts: 182, Reputation: 19
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    #2

    Jun 27, 2007, 03:58 PM
    If she is not being open and honest with you, then you might as well move on. You wouldn't want to continue with a relationship that has communication problems, constantly having to guess what's going on.

    It seems as though she has lost interest in you, so why waist your time?
    Unknownjin's Avatar
    Unknownjin Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #3

    Jun 27, 2007, 04:15 PM
    Yeah but I want to fix the relationship, not nuke it.
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,299, Reputation: 5645
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    #4

    Jun 27, 2007, 04:28 PM
    There may not be a way to fix it. Sometimes we just have to chalk it up to experience.

    You said yourself:

    "I'm kinda afraid that if i get too chatty, you'll go all clingy again and i'll be sad lol"
    Chalk this up to a learning experience and try not to be so "clingy" in the future.

    You can try to ignore her. Use the No Contact Rule, see if she comes around. If not, then time to move on.
    Unknownjin's Avatar
    Unknownjin Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #5

    Jun 27, 2007, 04:39 PM
    I can tell that she still wants to be friends, because she has never exceeded 5 days without talking to me. And the last time she came on, she messaged me first. And yesterday she left a comment on my Myspace.

    I've been less clingy for a few weeks now, so I'm hoping that she will go back to "normal" because of that. I want to make her understand that she can talk normally with me again.

    I'll give it a few weeks / convos, and if she is still kind of awkward, then maybe I ask her (in a nice way, of course) if she will talk normally with me again.
    Unknownjin's Avatar
    Unknownjin Posts: 4, Reputation: 1
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    #6

    Jul 2, 2007, 03:27 PM
    Ok so I talked to her again the other day... but she was on for literally 16 minutes. Same kind of conversation as I said up there.. like sort of just responding, but not showing an interest in me. It's seriously ticking me off.

    Sooooo what do you think I should do.. Next time she is on... :
    a)... Be sort boring / not show an interest in her.
    b)... Be really really nice to her, and try to get her talking
    c)... Be sort of a jerk. Like she's been really sarcastic to me lately.
    d)... something else.
    METERRE's Avatar
    METERRE Posts: 206, Reputation: 22
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    #7

    Jul 2, 2007, 06:24 PM
    It's definitely happened to me before. The guys I've talked to seem interested in the beginning and then it fades. I've also done that before I have to admit. My suspicion of what happens with the guys is that they meet someone else that seems more interesting especially if they recently met the person. Sometimes I do that because I actually am busy but mostly because I don't want to seem way too interested in them because I don't like them to feel like they can't breathe or to bother them or anything.
    Once I did that to someone because I began chatting with someone who seemed like they actually cared more about knowing me.
    Perhpaps the girl has stuff she does in the computer which is important. One friend I had started working from home so it got hard for him to chat and do stuff at the same time. Or maybe she's doing it on purpose because she knows that you're interested in talking with her, and she could be trying you out. A bad thing would be if she actually lost interest in you.
    Well there's a million possibilities and I probably didn't even mention the right one, but one thing you could try if you haven't already is to write to her a sort of lengthy email asking her why she's been acting like that sincerely. Get honest and serious if the relationship means that much to you. Tell her your sheer and honest intentions and tell her that it's OK for her to tell you if she just plain doesn't want to talk to you anymore. That if that's the case, to write you back in words that she doesn't and if that's the case, that you'll leave her alone. I think it seems that it's her who is taking you for granted, so maybe you should tell her that your time is worth it and you're fed up and ready to move on if that's what she wants.
    Hopefully she would wake up and see what she would miss. The best thing is always to speak with the truth... plain and simple no little games like you seem like you're playing.
    I think if you try to seem like you're losing interest in her, she might actually try moving on because people have egos you know. But of course try to be as sensitive as you can, yet as straightforward as possible.
    Well I hope you don't loose something that you don't want to and hope everything clears up even if it doesn't end up the way you'd like.
    vivia12's Avatar
    vivia12 Posts: 143, Reputation: 15
    Junior Member
     
    #8

    Jul 10, 2007, 03:22 PM
    Don't talk to her, talk to people who actually care and return your frienship, this happened to me too and it hurts because I actually liked the guy and thought he liked me, maybe you should try to do the no contact rule, or contact Vivia instead,or anyone else looking to make friends 4 that matter :)

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