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    llh's Avatar
    llh Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Feb 11, 2007, 08:34 AM
    Foster baby in care with me 11 months, should he see me now?
    Hello, through an extended family emergency last year, I had 3 little boys in foster care with me. I had the older 2 just over a year & the younger was born during that time & I had him from the day he was born until 11 months.
    They went back at the end of November. I had told the parents that I felt it would be better to have a clean break after the final placement was done (not seeing the baby anymore, the older 2 I see weekly, but they always knew this was temporary & who "mom" was). The last couple months we gradually increased the visits to ultimately 4 days a week before the reunification took place. For most of the year, there was no relationship between mom & boys, especially with baby.
    Yesterday she asked me to babysit her younger 2 (she had another baby a few weeks after she got these 3 back.) I said no because I know he would remember. It seems unwise to me, there is no profit in my mind to reawaken that for only a few hours. My sister ran into them the other day & he ran right up to her & kissed her & held her. I know there is that remembrance.
    Maybe obviously, we have vastly different worlds/parenting styles. This would not be an ongoing contact. It seems cruel to me. It seems like there would be a lot in him that would be perplexed. Does anyone have any knowledge or experience with this type of thing? :confused:
    SmartAlex's Avatar
    SmartAlex Posts: 17, Reputation: 5
    New Member

    Mar 3, 2007, 06:43 AM
    Hello friend,
    In view of the emotional distress you are feeling it's probably best to not continue the relationship. Discuss it with your worker. Soon you may have other children to help and then you'll be too busy anyway.
    While it's a natural for the mom to want you to care for the children it is important that you clearly distinguish for her that you do not feel this is for the best.
    Having been a foster mom I can agree with you on the pain we feel when the children go on . Our job was to prepare them for that day. I am sure you have.
    Any thoughts or questions welcome.

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