Hi everyone,

I am 36 years old, I am married and I have a 3 year old daughter. My problem is that my emotions are not stable. I feel good and happy and energetic one day and depressed and low another day. A cold face or one single word can make me feel miserable especially if it is from my husband, even if it is a joke. This gets worse when it s around my menstrual period. I feel totally different, I feel I am lonely and need attention. I become needy and I hate it. My husband is a caring person but does not behave the way I expect him to behave during this time. He won't touch anything in the kitchen, he helos with my daughter though. I just want him to spoil me a little bit at this time. Just ask if I am OK, hug me and give me a hand with the chores, but he does not want to. I have talked about this to him but it seems he does not believe it. The first time I told him, he said, my sister never had such feelings ( and he came out of his parents home when his sister was only 16) I did not have such feelings when I was 16 either. It all started after I was 25. Anyway, I do not want to be needy and feel bad about myself. I have asked my physician and she told me everything is fine with me physically, but these feelings are so bad I think they can damage my relationship with my husband in long term. You know he never surprises me with anything, even when I gave birth to my child, no flowers no gifts... even for my birthdays he always feels unhappy to have to buy a gift... I know he loves me and I know these things are not essential, but I some times feel I am ignored and when I talk to him, he feels very sad and feels that I am unhappy with him and he is being criticized. I don't know what to do. When I get like that I feel like I am a different person, totally different, I cry a lot and I am irritable. Other times of the month, I am cheerful supportive, happy and playful and do all I have to do happily without any bad feelings! Any suggestions?

shaadow -

I know that this is an issue with most women although I'm not certain that women make the connection between their menstrual cycle and their various mood swings like you did.

Here's what I think. The female body is an amazing thing and hormones are very powerful and dramatically affect a woman's mood. My wife says that she feels like a stranger in her body during her cycle: cries, gets angry, becomes sad over very small things. For her and for me as her husband, it's helpful to know her cycle well and to remind each other of the tendency for her mood to change during that time. Being aware of your cycle will help you to identify when you will most likely enter that time of change, emotionally and physically. Being communicative with your husband during that time should help lessen the surprise factor and not make the issues that happen in the midst of the cycle more serious than they really are, if you know what I mean.

By and large, I don't think there is anything you can really do but understand your cycle better and be self-aware of your emotions during that time. Your husband should also be aware and should also understand that he can be supportive of you during your cycle, not taking anything personally but also not patronizing you either (honey, it's that time of the month again... great!). That just makes you more volatile and angry. Largely, you cannot help your emotional changes but you have to manage them as best as you can and get the support of your husband during that time. And the more you and him talk through it and you understand yourself, hopefully that will really help your interaction with each other. I really think you are very normal but maybe you both need to talk about this more.

Thank you for your answer. Knowing that other women go through the same thing helps me feel better about it. I have tried talking to my husband and he tries to be supportive but I think he does not want to accept this fact and as you mentioned he even patronizes me some times. Depending on his own level of stress. Recently he is under a lot of pressure and his mind is busy with finding a new job and I guess it makes it more difficult to be supportive. I will try to talk to him about this again. You are right I cannot do anything about it. My doctor suggested taking calcium pills and I am going to take them. It might help. I just wish these hormones did not make a crazy person out of me :) but maybe these hormones also make me a loving and caring person for my family. So we cannot fight the nature and we just need to accept it. I am happy you undersatnd this as a man. It is difficult to understand something without really experiencing it. If you need suggestions what to do to help your wife go through this cycle without asking her I can give you some ideas :)

Sounds like you might have PMDD. I found some info. Online if your interested...


Premenstrual dysphoric disorder, or PMDD, is a severe form of premenstrual syndrome (PMS). The symptoms of PMDD are similar to those of PMS, but are severe enough to interfere with work, social activities, and relationships.
How Common Is PMDD?

PMDD occurs in 2-10% of menstruating women. Women with a personal or family history of depression or postpartum depression are at greater risk for developing PMDD.
What Causes PMDD?

As with PMS, the exact cause of PMDD is not known. Most researchers, however, believe PMDD is brought about by the hormonal changes related to the menstrual cycle. Recent studies have shown a connection between PMDD and low levels of serotonin, a chemical in the brain that helps transmit nerve signals. Certain brain cells that use serotonin as a messenger are involved in controlling mood, attention, sleep and pain. Therefore, chronic changes in serotonin levels can lead to PMDD symptoms.
What Are the Symptoms of PMDD?

The symptoms of PMDD can include any of the following:

* Mood swings
* Depressed mood or feelings of hopelessness
* Marked anger, increased interpersonal conflicts
* Tension and anxiety
* Irritability
* Decreased interest in usual activities
* Difficulty concentrating
* Fatigue
* Change in appetite
* Feeling out of control or overwhelmed
* Sleep problems
* Physical problems, such as bloating

How Is PMDD Diagnosed?

If you have any of the above listed symptoms, you should see your doctor. He or she will review your symptoms and medical history and give you a thorough medical examination. Psychiatric evaluation may also be included.

Before a doctor makes a diagnosis of PMDD, he or she will rule out other emotional problems, such as depression or panic disorder, as the cause of the symptoms. In addition, underlying medical or gynecological conditions, such as endometriosis, fibroids, menopause, and hormonal problems that could account for symptoms, also must be ruled out.

PMDD is diagnosed when at least five of the above listed symptoms (including at least one of the first four) occur for most of the time during the 7 days before menstruation and go away within a few days of the start of the menstrual period. If these symptoms are present every day and do not improve with menstruation, they are unlikely due to PMDD.
How Is PMDD Treated?

Many of the same strategies used to treat PMS may also be helpful in relieving symptoms of PMDD. The four main forms of treatment are:

* Good nutrition. Many health experts recommend that women with PMDD limit their intake of salt, caffeine, refined sugar and alcohol. Supplements, such as calcium, vitamin B6, vitamin E and magnesium may be recommended. The effectiveness of any of these approaches hasn't been well established
* Exercise. Regular aerobic exercise such as walking or swimming appears to improve premenstrual symptoms. It's unclear whether it can treat PMDD.
* Medications. Several antidepressants may be used to treat PMDD. There are three medications approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) for the treatment of PMDD: Sarafem, Paxil CR, and Zoloft. These antidepressants can relieve the symptoms of PMDD. Other antidepressants have also been effective in relieving symptoms of PMDD. These medicines can be taken continuously or intermittently, just during the 14-day premenstrual period. Taking them intermittently may decreases the side effects of these drugs.

Some over-the-counter pain relievers such as aspirin, ibuprofen (Motrin) and naproxen (Aleve) may help some symptoms such as headache, breast tenderness, backache and cramping. Diuretics, or water pills can help with fluid retention and bloating.

If anxiety is a component of the symptoms, an anti-anxiety medication may be recommended. Currently, none are approved to treat PMDD.

Hormones can be used to treat PMDD. Ovulation can be stopped either using medication or surgically (as a last resort). Medicines used to stop ovulation include birth control pills, Danazol, Zoladex, Synarel and Lupron. The second hormonal approach to treat PMDD is the use of progesterone or estrogen to relieve symptoms. It's unclear whether this approach is effective.
* Counseling. Therapy to help women with PMDD develop effective coping strategies may help some with PMDD. Relaxation therapy, meditation, reflexology and yoga may also help, but these approaches have not been widely studied.

Reviewed by the doctors at The Cleveland Clinic Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology.

WebMD Medical Reference provided in collaboration with the Cleveland Clinic
View Article Sources Sources

SOURCE: Madison Institute for Medicine. GlaxoSmithKline. Eli Lilly and Company. Pfizer, Inc.
Edited by Tracy C. Shuman, MD on February 01, 2006
'Portions of this page © The Cleveland Clinic 2000-2005

[QUOTE=MarrrecaAzul]Sounds like you might have PMDD. I found some info. Online if your interested...


Thank you so much! Actually I have some of these symptums and last year I ased my doctor and she gave me some physical tests and recommended that I take calcuim suplements but it did not really help much. I should go to her again and ask if I need to go on medication. My mom did not have such symptums and it was strange to her that I got this way. I have mood swings throughout the month and recently I feel depressed :(

Hi there. I know this was written a long time ago but just wanted to add to it. I am getting the same symptons. I have been with my boyfriend almost 5 months now and lived with him all of this time too and so we are getting to know each other quite well, i.e.. Moods etc.

I am finding I am getting depression while on my period. Everything my boyfriend does just irritates me. Things seem to bother me more and I just keep crying all the time. I cried last night over something stupid. I had to get up from bed last night because the fact that my boyfriend mentioned his ex got me upset. I also read too much between the lines when I am on my period, get more paranoid. It's becoming a bloody nightmare and I need it to stop because my poor boyfriend doesn't know what he has done wrong. He knows I get more sensitive to words when I am on so least he is understanding me and keeping out of my way.

Did you ever find a cure or are you still getting these emotions?

HI Jolmbagpuss,

I've been feeling the same way. Have you found out anything about it? I wonder if I may have PMDD. I hope I don't but is sure sounds like it. My boyfriend gets the blame for eveything during my period. Every small little thing turns into a big problem for me during these days. I get upset so easily and extremely emotional. After I'm done with my period, I realize how stupid the argument was. And worse of all, it was an argument that I created and never existed to begin with. I don't know what to do!

There is absolutely nothing "medically" wrong with you. You are just going through what all of us women go through in our 30's and 40's. Our hormone changes in our monthly cycle start to wreak havoc on our moods. My advice is that you should use MoodPredict (http://www.MoodPredict.com). This is a free website that you use to track and understand the impact that your hormones can have on your mood. Once you realize what is happening, you will get a much better sense and understanding of how your moods can change depending on which day of your monthly cycle you are in. It is a great feeling to know in advance that a good (or a bad) mood is on the way. It makes it so much easier to handle the mood swings.

Hi

I think we are all in the same boat... at this very moment I am sitting on my bed crying my eyes out in pain and feeling very lonely.. My boyfriend is good to me but not the way I need him too during this time, I find it very emotionally draining during my period and I've tried everything but can't find a cure for any pms symptoms, I suffer chronic cramps for the 4 days before my period and its taking over my life.. The doctor has tried me on every painkiller and antiinflamatory out there and the only ones that work are the ones that are so strong I fall asleep straight after taking them and don't wake up till the next day, I used to be on the pill which helped but had to come off as it was triggering my migraine problems and I also found out I suffer from thrombosis so can't take the pill anymore, I'm starting to feel very depressed and I absolutely dread the thought of getting my period, it is causing war between me and my partner as I become extremely needy and cry all the time as it makes me feel like he doesn't love me when he doesn't ask if I'm OK even though I know that he does love me and I'm just feeling sorry for myself.. above anything else I cannot cope with the 4 day long chronic pain anymore it is wearing me down and making me very ill.. can anyone please help and offer me any advice I would be so gratefull to hear any suggestions

I have the same problem 3-5 days before my period. I try to keep to keep away from my boyfriend and other people during this time because it cost me a relationship once. My then boyfriend freaked out and thought there was something wrong because I asked him to stay with me and not leave. I get very needy and need more attention than usual and if a man doesn't understand this, he may think there is a major problem. I am in a new relationship and had even started thinking about leaving my boyfriend - feelings I now are caused by the mood swings. Once my period comes, things go back to normal and am my normal fun self. I would advice to try and keep your distance, read a book, go to the gym, go swimming, or take the kids out to the park and keep yourself occupied away from your partner.

My wife goes through this every month and denies that she has any emotional change and the problems are all me. 21 years together and she's been the same way the whole time. My kids see it and know to go in the opoisite direction during this time of the month. Kids are older and know what's going on. This isn't easy for her let alone us around her. How can we get her to see any thing that is clearly in front of her? Thanks fr any advise!

I have the same problem. A few days before my period I get so emtional and even during my period. I can't help. The smallest to things does hurt my feelings and make me cry and sometimes I get upset over nothing. And that mood can quickly change within minutes and I will be normal again, it's like I am going crack. When my cycle finishes and I look back I feel so embarrassed at the simple things that got me upset and/or made me cry and I feel like a fool for acting the way I did. But I really do try to control it but I can't I don't know how to control it. Is there anything I can do to help with this? My poor boyfriend does have to put up with this every month. Thank God is is understanding but still I feel sorry for him.

I recently went through similar things. I am studying to become a naturopath so I have some cred in what I am saying. I had a car crash last year that left me in chronic pain, which caused stress on my adrenals, namely depleted my cortisol which is your buffer for stress... if you don't have it, you have no stress buffer... I had to change my life completley... quit my stressful job, sleep more, exercise lighly yoga, walking, meditation, and big time changed my diet... Sugar spikes cortisol and when you have adrenal insufficency your blood sugar can become out of whack. Do an expirement and cut out sugar for 2 weeks and then have some and journal what emotions you experience the next day... you may be shocked to see how the sugar drastically effects your mood, which can explain th ups and down from one day to the next depending on what you had consumed the day before. Also I cut out caffiene because of the stimulating effect it has in adrenals and further depletes them. I also had a serratonin defficency because of being celiac (gluten and wheat intolerant) and I now take a natural supplement made from Aferican beans (amino acids) called 5HTP (Hydroxytryptophane) and I don't feel so stirry and self conscious, and needy and self critical, over overwhelmed or negative because of it. You can get it at the grocery store in the health food aisle. You can only take up to 300 mg per day start with one 50 mg pill and build up over a week or two to the amount you feel good at morning 5pm and right before bed is when I take mine 2 caps each time, and I feel great. I hope this helps. I know how ty it feels to feel ty and to feel like you are making others lives around you terrible.

I have noticed this with myself as well. It didn't happen until I hit my 30's. But like muskygal it happens 3-5 days before my period starts. I feel super paranoid like someone is always out to get me or someone is always doing something bad to me (ie: like my boyfriend is cheating on me or lying to me all the time) I feel low and depressed. I just don't think rationally at all. I have had this conversation with my boyfriend and he knows and understands what is happening. During that time he is very understanding and gives me lots of undivided attention. When my period starts those symptoms disappear and I am back to my nerves of steel, independent fun loving self. Basically I wanted other women to know that go through this that they are not alone. It is so confusing when you're in the midst of it, kind of like being stuck in a cage, the noises are so loud around u, u scream and nobody hears you... oddly enough its all in your head... I've tried to speak rationally to myself like "wake up girl you're being crazy" I don't know if it helps but it does make me feel more aware of what I'm doing and what I'm putting out there.

My first day of the period.. and I feel like crying.. coz I see people round me happy and settles down in their lives while I'm still unmarried and have so many complications in my relationship.. I want to have a happy life too :(

I can relate to so many of these posts here. I am 35, and single, and have experienced heavy mmod swings since age 26, it cost me dearly with two past relationships. My ex boyfriend just could not handle it, it drove him insane. I become highly sensitive 2 weeks before my period, very angry at little things, get sad and cry A lot, for silly things, which I normally would not cry about. It continues through my period as well.
What's strange was that every month would be different. One month heavy moods, sadness, crying, very emotionalt, etc, and the next, none of that, just excessive craving fro chocolates, and the next month, none of this, only bad breakouts, and the next month maybe again heavy moodswings. It was like a vicious cycle, form one month to the next would fear, and think what would it be this month.
The Pill has drastically reduced all of the above, although sometimes I still get very emotional, and cry a lot, feel lonely, and depressed, but not as bad as before. My chronic severe pms cramps, turned out to be grade 2 Endometriosis, but that's under control, almost non existent, thanks to the Pill. It all can be very hard and lonely if your partner does not understand and support you. Give them articles to read about it, so they can understand better that there are many women, and their partners who experience this, and might see that they're not alone, and can be controlled.

Try to give your husband some major hints.

I suggest going to see a therapist, even just once, to see if you are experiencing depression and what might help. Even if the symptoms are PMDD, therapy or medication might help.

I have the same symptoms before my period and daily, rigorous exercise helps a lot (like half an hour on a step machine, weights, or an hour of yoga per day). It helps reboot my mind and put my emotions into perspective. But some people need more than exercise, and there's nothing wrong with that. A therapist could also help you talk about your relationship and how to move forward. Just having someone to talk to once or twice a month (whether a therapist or a friend) can help you put your feelings into perspective and/or give you a safe place to talk about your emotions. Just having a scheduled time to talk can help you put your negative emotions aside for the moment, because you know you will be able to talk about them later.

Hi,

I've just been reading your post re: mood swings during your menstraul cycle, I too find that during this time my moods vary too, I found taking agnus castus premenstrul really helps, it's a herbal tablet and you should take it ia month in advance ideally for it to kick into place but for me it's the only thing that helps me during my periods, its an on going thing but worth it. Also I've heard St Johns wort is good for depression and low moods in general (again herbal)

Hope it helps! ;-)

Are any of you ladies who are suffering from emotional distress during and before your menstrual on birth control of any kind? I'm curious if this might play a role in all this. I have been taking birth control pills (the low hormonal, low estrogen dosage) and I feel like I should stop taking it if others have the same issues. I also have depressed, irritable feelings I can't control 4-5 days before my menstrual. My sister can actually tell when I'll be on my period by the way I'm acting. I also tend to be less patient and annoyed of my boyfriend's actions. I really wish I didn't have this problem, it turns me into a whole different person.