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    jack johnsrud's Avatar
    jack johnsrud Posts: 2, Reputation: 2
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    #1

    Jul 4, 2006, 12:28 AM
    Borderline Personality Disorder/suicide threats.
    I need suggestions as to how to deal with a person who has a severe undiagnosed borderline personality disorder. She daily throws tantrums, is invasive, breaks objects and threatens suicide, but becomes believably sane if the authorities are called in and threatens to make false allegations against me. She is quite delusional and refuses to believe she needs any kind of therapy and thinks all her problems are the fault of others. Mostly, I'd like to exit, but am afraid all hell will break loose. I have a heart condition and while walking a tightrope, don't feel ready for an all out war.
    Krs's Avatar
    Krs Posts: 2,906, Reputation: 320
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    #2

    Jul 4, 2006, 02:58 AM
    How about trying to introduce her to a phsyciatrist or a physcologist in a subtle manner?
    Introduce them as a friend.

    If you have a heart condition you need to be looking after yourself too. Don't forget yourself.
    valinors_sorrow's Avatar
    valinors_sorrow Posts: 2,927, Reputation: 653
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    #3

    Jul 4, 2006, 06:01 AM
    My dad (and possibly my sister now) are borderlines. Its very sad since I understand that people like that seldom get help and you can't force it on them, at least not in the US. I eventually had to leave. Not a happy solution but the alternative was to accept abuse in order to remain in an active relationship with them. I chose to love them and leave them since I am not up for being abused and there simply wasn't any other way. I struggled for a long time trying to discover a third way because it seemed so unfair that it was abuse or leave, but in the end it was only that. I am sorry I couldn't bring better news to your post. I agree that you need to take care of you. A very enlightening book to read about it indirectly is M. Scott Peck's People of the Lie. That may help deepen your understanding so you can make a better decision for yourself. It is however a hard book to read, emotionally hard but then you are already living that so.. . Shrugs.
    phillysteakandcheese's Avatar
    phillysteakandcheese Posts: 973, Reputation: 356
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    #4

    Jul 4, 2006, 10:42 AM
    If you are genuinely afraid this person will hurt herself, or if she becomes violent and breaks things, call 911 immediately.

    Explain to the police exactly what you have posted. Based on what they see, and the history you provide, they may have her committed for 24 hours for evaluation - which may be enough to trigger further help.

    Sadly, as Val said, it may ultimately be the hard choice that you have to remove yourself from the situation.

    Think about what the "best" or "right" course of action is, not what the easiest or most convenient is.
    31pumpkin's Avatar
    31pumpkin Posts: 379, Reputation: 50
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    #5

    Jul 4, 2006, 12:13 PM
    You didn't say your relationship to this person. Is it someone who is living in your house?

    I believe that if you get another credible adult witness to her violence/tantrums, that you & this witness can go to the courthouse & have her Baker Acted.

    They only hold the person for 48 hrs. (at least in my area) This may help the person to realize the serious nature of her actions & hopefully introduce her to therapy.

    I think you & the witness need at least 2 separate incidences to prove she's acting mentally unbalanced & is a danger.
    valinors_sorrow's Avatar
    valinors_sorrow Posts: 2,927, Reputation: 653
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    #6

    Jul 4, 2006, 12:29 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by 31pumpkin
    You didn't say your relationship to this person. Is it someone who is living in your house?

    I believe that if you get another credible adult witness to her violence/tantrums, that you & this witness can go to the courthouse & have her Baker Acted.

    They only hold the person for 48 hrs. (at least in my area) This may help the person to realize the serious nature of her actions & hopefully introduce her to therapy.

    I think you & the witness need at least 2 separate incidences to prove she's acting mentally unbalanced & is a danger.
    Just wanted to add to this good suggestion that the Baker Act is a Florida statue that can be looked up on the internet for more details. In some cases further outpatient treatment can be mandated but the trouble with that is its easily blown off by patients who remain resistant. Still it may be worth looking into where you live. Only some states have an equivalent law (like New York with its Kendra law) and the particulars of it can vary greatly.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,304, Reputation: 7692
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    #7

    Jul 4, 2006, 02:55 PM
    Hide video camera and film her doing this, Next is it real or is it merely for attention, if they change ( every time a suggestion of police) is made, it could be an act. ( maybe not, but I have known many who go wide to get attention but are sane when any interference is made.

    And of course if it gets really bad, family and friends may go to court to have someone admitted for evaluation.
    But if you get the threats to kill thierself on tape, it will be easy to get them committed for eval.

    And if you need to get out of that relationship, then do it, often people use theses illness ( that they are aware of) to control others to do their will. Or give them the option, get help or you will leave.
    pennybot's Avatar
    pennybot Posts: 57, Reputation: 18
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    #8

    Jul 8, 2006, 06:38 AM
    Hello!

    With bpd, you really need to get a doctor to determine the proper diagnosis.
    It could turn out to be complex and might be bipolar or the cocktail of both bpd and bp (and sometimes more)

    If they aren't ready to see a doctor, you are looking at some very hard decisions.

    If they are ready to see a doctor, this is a very good sign.

    Two sites I'd recommend you check out:

    http://www.bpdcentral.com/ for people who have or had a relationship with a person with bpd
    And
    http://www.bpdrecovery.com/ for people with bpd seeking recovery – they may have some good advice on how to approach the person or even give you insight on the disorder itself with the “whys and hows”.
    jurplesman's Avatar
    jurplesman Posts: 83, Reputation: 7
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    #9

    Jul 13, 2006, 11:22 PM
    In my career as a Probation and Parole Officer I am of course familiar with the situation you are talking about.

    The outcome depends entirely on whether the person concerned has insight. Without a modicum of insight: ("Heh, there is s something wrong with me") there is little you can do.

    Most people with an undiagnosed PD coming before the court, usually reach their rock bottom and would say such things as "This is not me", "Something made me do this", "I don't know why I did this".

    In other words people with an undiagnosed PD are in denial about their problems and are beyond reach as far as therapy is concerned so long they remain in denial.

    But once a person admits they have a psychological problem treatment is not too difficult.

    Most people with a PD have been diagnosed to have hypoglycemia. This can be tested with four hour Medical Test for Hypoglycemia.

    It can also be tested with the Nutrition Behavior Inventory Test (NBI) , although less accurate as the medical test.

    Even if they are found to have a Bipolar Disorder, the Hypoglycemic Diet can help improve symptoms although it may not "cure" the illness. Bipolar Disorder should always be treated by a psychiatrist.

    Nutritional and/or drug therapy should be complemented with some psychotherapy. The kind of psychotherapy I teach is explained at the web site.
    jmparrack's Avatar
    jmparrack Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
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    #10

    Aug 5, 2006, 05:01 AM
    Don't ever take a suicide threat lightly. Voicing it is the last step before they do it!
    Thomas1970's Avatar
    Thomas1970 Posts: 856, Reputation: 131
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    #11

    Aug 5, 2006, 05:28 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by jmparrack
    Don't ever take a suicide threat lightly. Voicing it is the last step before they do it!
    Not always. The majority of attempts are cries for help, particularly when they are vocalized to others. Often, the most committed keep their plans to themselves. Some people may even seem unusually upbeat, having an odd sense of inner peace seeing a projected end to their suffering in sight.
    Lost a good friend years ago. Never gave any indication. He had just moved into a new home with his girlfriend, and they had recently had a child. He hung himself a few weeks later. :(
    valinors_sorrow's Avatar
    valinors_sorrow Posts: 2,927, Reputation: 653
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    #12

    Aug 5, 2006, 06:00 AM
    While its prudent to take a suicide threat seriously (since there is that possibility its real), I can verify that Thomas is correct about no warning. I made two genuine attempts and was careful not to let on to anyone since I did not want to be stopped -- which I obviosuly was anyway.

    A borderline is all about manipulation. For them its all a concocted "play" to achieve the desired results and often at anyone's expense. They frequently aren't people who are capable of much in a relationship and they often are resistant to professional help. Those professionals who will help them tend to specialize in borderlines and often have very stringent conditions in which they will accpet them as patients. I can certainly appreciate what a tough call it is as to whether you let go of them or attempt to continue to care for them... so each to their own choice in this one, I think.
    orange's Avatar
    orange Posts: 1,364, Reputation: 197
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    #13

    Aug 5, 2006, 11:01 AM
    I agree with Val and Thomas. If this person is truly borderline, they will threaten suicide over and over again, and possibly never do it. They may self-harm by cutting or burning their skin, or use other non life-threatening methods of self-harm, but it's often for attention, or simply a way to express their turbulent feelings.

    My biological father had a personality disorder, and every time I did something wrong as a little kid, he would lock himself in the bathroom and say he was killing himself. I used to be frantic thinking I was killing my dad, until one day I caught him trying not to laugh as he saw me crying and upset. It was totally a manipulation.

    You don't mention where you're living, but here in Canada, if you can get the police involved, your chances of getting help for this person are a lot greater. As philly said, if the person is harming themselves or others, you can call 911 and the person will be involuntarily committed for 24 hours. And with a court order, they can be hospitalized for 21 days. Sometimes the court order can be difficult to get, but it's usually worth it.

    Sad to say, but it really helps speed up the process if you if you have a friend who is a physician, judge, or other person who has authority in these matters. My husband is a physician and he recently participated in getting the adult son of a friend of ours committed for 21 days. Because my husband was involved, some of the usual "red tape" was avoided... the judge simply called our house to ask if the case was "legit". Our friends were relieved, as their bipolar son was literally near death. So, if you know anyone (socially or otherwise) who works in any of these areas, don't be embarrassed to give them a call. Usually they will want to be helpful.

    Considering you have a heart condition, I would say get out of there as quick as you can! You really need to take care of yourself, first and foremost. Also, when you have some distance from this individual, you may be able to see the situation more clearly, and have more strength to act accordingly.

    Take care, and please come back and let us know how things are progressing!
    sjb's Avatar
    sjb Posts: 10, Reputation: 2
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    #14

    Nov 22, 2006, 07:39 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by jack johnsrud
    I need suggestions as to how to deal with a person who has a severe undiagnosed borderline personality disorder. She daily throws tantrums, is invasive, breaks objects and threatens suicide, but becomes believably sane if the authorities are called in and threatens to make false allegations against me. She is quite delusional and refuses to believe she needs any kind of therapy and thinks all her problems are the fault of others. Mostly, I'd like to exit, but am afraid all hell will break loose. I have a heart condition and while walking a tightrope, don't feel ready for an all out war.
    Is she always right and you are wrong? Sometimes does nothing you say matter she'll start screaming for no reason and you catch yourself thinking you did something because you've become brainwashed? Are you starting to feel a little nutty yourself? Will she start something and then blame you for it? Does she say things she or you never said? Or accuse you of things you never did or exaggerate them? Does she just lie for no damn reason? Is it impossible to have a conversation with her? Unless it's about the weather or something simple and unemotional? Is everything either black or white, good or bad(including you) and there is no grey area or room for speculation, asking why or abstract thought? Hey everyone, my girl is like this, are these symptoms of bpd?
    sadiesmom's Avatar
    sadiesmom Posts: 43, Reputation: 8
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    #15

    Nov 30, 2006, 04:47 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by jack johnsrud
    I need suggestions as to how to deal with a person who has a severe undiagnosed borderline personality disorder. She daily throws tantrums, is invasive, breaks objects and threatens suicide, but becomes believably sane if the authorities are called in and threatens to make false allegations against me. She is quite delusional and refuses to believe she needs any kind of therapy and thinks all her problems are the fault of others. Mostly, I'd like to exit, but am afraid all hell will break loose. I have a heart condition and while walking a tightrope, don't feel ready for an all out war.
    Would you provide more information... such as, How old is she and what is your relationship with her?
    Bluerose's Avatar
    Bluerose Posts: 1,521, Reputation: 310
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    #16

    Nov 30, 2006, 05:11 PM
    Jack,

    If you are still around the forum this is a forum for 'Nons' people who live with people with borderline. Check it out for information on how others have dealt with it.

    http://nook.bpdcentral.com/nookboard/index.php
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,299, Reputation: 5646
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    #17

    Nov 30, 2006, 05:22 PM
    Folks, Jack has not been back since July 4. I would like to hear an update too, but it sadly does not look like we will get one.

    It is best if we look at the date of the original post prior to answering. Sometimes, unfortunately, people do not stick around for the answers to their questions.
    casey29's Avatar
    casey29 Posts: 24, Reputation: -1
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    #18

    Jan 10, 2007, 09:29 PM
    Take Her To Your Local E.r At Any Hostible. When You Get Threre, You Tell Them That You Are Here For A Psyic Evaluation. They Asses The Person In Quiston. They Have Many Resource's And Plans. They Work Together With You When The Reccomindation Is Ready That's When Choices Sometime Hard Choices Have To Made.she May Only Need Three To Five Days To Stay At Vaction Like Atomisfere If Goes Inpationt\ She Can Work On Her Issues. She
    Make Friends With Other Patients And Have Prsonable Services By Councilers,
    The Staff Helps With Your Dailly Aggenda, The Have Groug Threpy To Arure Your Not The Only One Out There.three Square Meals And Warm Peacful Bed
    dogandengland's Avatar
    dogandengland Posts: 9, Reputation: 1
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    #19

    Jan 14, 2007, 07:33 AM
    My wife has bpd how do I help her from making her love ones feel they are letting her down
    Bluerose's Avatar
    Bluerose Posts: 1,521, Reputation: 310
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    #20

    Jan 14, 2007, 09:14 AM
    "my wife has bpd how do i help her from making her love ones feel they are letting her down"

    Could you make that a little clearer please? I would like very much to be able to answer your question but I want to make sure I am not misunderstanding you.

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