I don't know what to do about my mother. My mother has controlled just about everything in my life. I thought after I was married things would change. My husband and I are purchasing a house that will never be ours. We hand over his paycheck to her, all but $200.00 a week. She did help out when he was incarcerated. She wanted to take care of all our bills and this is why we hand over a paycheck, the bills are not being handled properly. We have handed her up to $1,500.00 a week and no less than $500.00 a week. When we tell her a bill needs to be taken care of, she screams and yells and it takes an act of congress to have things taken care of the day before a disconnection date. My husband was wrongfully incarcerated. Every person who has had to deal with her ends up hating her. For years, I kept it a "secret" on who my mother was. Since I find people to be judgemental and scared they would think I was like her, I would rather everyone think I don't have a mother. Don't get me wrong there are times, (very few), when she can be o.k. My dad is around but, he is kept in the dark. He doesn't have a clue and to be honest I am angry with him sometimes. I pray for the day for both of them to get a divorce. For years and years I thought no one knew how she was and I find out later, other people realize. My husband has even mentioned he doesn't know how I was able to deal with her. I explained to him trust me this is minor compared to what she use to be. Once my best friend's mom came to the house and said she was taking me to live with them. I was 17 my mom didn't have the choice anymore. My mom told her she should blow her own head off. My best friend's mother pointed her finger in her face and told her she still had a 10 year old daughter who heard her. After we left, I told her it didn't bother me because at least she said she was just doing something to herself this time and not telling us to unbuckle because we were going to run over the bridge and all of us were going to die. Another time my mom was driving, yelling, slamming on the brakes, and all over the road. She finally pulled over and a man walked up to the car we were in and asked if we were o.k. My response, yea this is normal. She continued yelling and her 2 week old grandson was in the car, my son. I don't know if it is because we are older now or what it is but, she hasn't mentioned killing us also again. My sister is now in her 20's. My sister is stronger than I. We have both been in abusive relationships and we both somehow have found men who treat us like queens. My husband and I are just in a major bind. I left it up to him when we moved back because I thought things were going to be different. I was so wrong. She isn't the only battle in my life but, she is the cause of a lot of it. The only thing I can thank her for is my husband. If it was for her building a house, I would have never met him. I should write the unbelivable story of my life. There is way more. I just don't thing she really know how to love unless it's to her advantage.

First of all, you need to take control of your own finances and start distancing yourself from your mother. You give her waaaay too much control over your life, that is not right. You are an adult, you don't need your mother to do everything for you. She is controlling you because YOU are allowing her to do so. Furthermore, if your mother really cared for you, she would never threaten to kill all of you(her and her family). She needs some professional help.

Your first step should be, if you really want to sever ties with her, is to take control of your own finances. You are a mother, is this what you want your children exposed to? You really don't just have yourself to think about. Kudos to your husband for putting up with the situation for as long as he has. I myself, would rather live in a cardboard box before I would live with such an abusive and controlling mother. She really is abusive, being manipulative and vindictive is a form of abuse. You need to think of your family and how it is affecting them. Take control of YOUR life, to hell with her.

Why in Gods name are you and your husband giving her your paycheck,
And why is she doing your bills. Stop, today, period, grow up, be an adult.

And she does not have to be a battle, don't call her, do what you want, and move on, she is only a battle if you let her be.