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kristina5 · Jan 14, 2010, 10:40 AM

I just found out that I am pregnant. My boyfriend is 54 and I am 36. He wants me to have an abortion. He has 3 kids from a previous relationship. He told me that he wants to live his life and this would ruin it. I was told that I would have trouble conceiving. This pregnancy is unexpected for both of us. I am on the BCpill and was on a few other medications that they say conteracted the BCpill. He is blameing the situation all on me. He told me that since it is early I should end.

HistorianChick · Jan 14, 2010, 10:47 AM

Well, first of all, congratulations on your pregnancy!

No one, absolutely no one can make this decision for you. No one (including your boyfriend) should force you to make a decision against what you choose to do with this baby.

If I was you, I'd get rid of the insensitive, self-centered loser that is called your boyfriend. A partner in a relationship should be supportive and kind, not accusatory and dictatorial.

Again, I repeat, no one can make up your mind for you. You must decide what is best for you.

We're all here to support your decision.

excon · Jan 14, 2010, 10:58 AM

Hello k:

HOW you got pregnant isn't the issue, and neither is whether it's early or not. WHAT you're going to DO about it is - nothing more.

You're age is just fine. 54, however, IS a little late to be starting a family.

excon

Strix · Jan 15, 2010, 04:13 AM

The choice is yours. Do not allow your boyfriend to make it for you. Ideally, you would be making the decision together, but if that does not work, you have to take the lead and decide on your own. It does not appear as if your boyfriend is willing to support you if you keep the baby. However, I don't know your boyfriend, and he may be in a state of shock about this, too, so you may have to give him some time. The bottom line is this: Would you be willing to support this child against all odds, i.e. even if the father bails and you never see him again? You have to search your heart for an honest answer to this! Me, I am generally opposed to abortion, but that's a personal view that I don't force upon anyone.

mishelly3 · Jan 15, 2010, 10:55 PM

I agree with historian chick, this is your baby if he doesn't want it move on, don't force a pregnancy on a man they grow resentful and that just a whole road of pain. Stick by what you want and what's right,its so hard when your eemotions are a mess but if you really thought about it you know in your heart what you want to do. There are always people to help... prayers are with u

emma80 · Jan 16, 2010, 02:26 PM

You do not state that you are having doubts about whether to have this baby , more so that your partner is.

It is your body , your mind , your choice to make , if he can not stand by your choice then he needs to go !

I had many years ago now, an abortion ( due to medical reasons - ex husband kicked me in the stomach) and had no choice but to terminate , it did not make it any better.

Ending a pregnancy is not a decision you need to be pushed nor rushed into , it will effect you for the rest of your life.

If you terminate for the wrong reasons you will live to regret it.
If terminating the baby for the sake of your partner is the right thing for you to do ,then that is also your choice , but another you will regret and you will always be resentful towards him for that.

So he has 3 other children , do they stop him living his life? Your children come first - you come second !

Please go along and talk to your GP , this is not an easy time for you and I think it would be very helpful to have some support at this time.

scourme · Jan 17, 2011, 08:07 AM

I am in a similar situation, except the father is younger and I am 36. I have gone through years of infertility treatment and two miscarriages... the idea that I would willingly have an abortion is beyond ridiculous but I don't want a resentful/angry man in my life or my child's life either. I am definitely pro-choice but for myself personally I'm also pro-life. I don't want to have nightmares about this or be unable to live without regret because I chose to end my pregnancy. I was talking to him and he referred to the baby as his baby once it's born, he doesn't think of it as a baby right now. I told him it's his baby right now. It was his baby from conception. Went to the doc and they did an ultrasound at 6 weeks. I could see the baby's heartbeat. That was the turning point for me. I asked him to release his parental rights if I decide to continue. That's my way of giving him a choice. Men just aren't on the same page with women when it comes to these things. They will never understand what it feels like to carry a life inside them, they don't understand the changes our bodies go through and they don't understand the bond that exists between mom and baby. At the end of the day you have to make the decision you can live with. I wish you the best of luck!

Gozde · Mar 17, 2012, 08:25 AM

Hi ,

I am in the same stuation too. I am sinngle and never had child before.I found out today ago I am pregnant for 6 weeks.My boy friend doesn't want it. I can not have baby myself. I am muslim and family would complete against that .May be they will disown me.My looser boyfriend says he doesn't want to marry me beacoz I am pregnant. He wants me to have abortion.

I feel very bad I am not happy to have abortion but I am not ready to have on my own. I leave in muslim country it is not allowed here to deviler without marriage if I go back home I have no family to support me in this matter.
My heart is crying to end it but it looks I have no choice

excon · Mar 17, 2012, 08:37 AM

Originally Posted by Gozde

My heart is crying to end it but it looks I have no choice

Hello G:

My heart is crying too, but I don't think you have a choice either.

excon