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    Bettagirl's Avatar
    Bettagirl Posts: 7, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    May 21, 2007, 01:39 PM
    Am I going to have a breakdown?
    Ok, lets see... Lets start with my father. 18 years ago he was arrested for the rape of a 15 year old girl. ( The truth is it was consensual, not right, but not rape )
    Just last year he was informed he had to register as a sex offender, which he did, even though he isn't! In February he was arrested for failing to re register ( a misunderstanding ) and then he lost his apartment and his job. He was homeless for a while, but just recently found a beautiful apartment along with a great job.
    We are currently fighting the fact that the Sex Offender Registry Board wants to classify him as a level 2 sex offender for an 18 year old "alleged" crime... but we will see

    Meanwhile, my 21 year old brother won't leave his room. He has been housebound for about 6 years. He quit school when he was 16. My 28 year old brother thinks I don't care because I am so consumed with helping my father and his current situation. But I do care! I want my brother to be normal. Hell, I want my father to be normal too!

    My 28 year old brother isn't all that normal either you know. We found out 2 or 3 years ago that he was molested by my mothers cousin, who just got out of prison for molesting 2 boys. ( None of which were my brother ) He never went to a therapist or anything, but he seems OK, other than the fact that he makes 70k a year and doesn't know how to budget his money. He is always broke, and borrowing money from everyone in the family. But he would do anything for anyone of us. Naturally I lend it to him, he always pays me back. My sister gets back interest though! I should consider that. I don't have it in me. That sister of mine is a little money hungry. I guess that's shy she has more of it than I do.

    Which brings me to my boyfriend of 9 years. He hates that my family is so... not normal. We just moved in together last year. I love him so much. He would do anything for me, but when my dad had no where to go he wanted no part of it. He thinks my dad is a grown man and should take care of himself. ( He's my dad, I can't control my urge to cry every time he calls with bad news, like his car broke down, he's homeless, he lost his job, etc... )
    I even left work early to bring him to a shelter one day 2 weeks ago. It's like, "ok, dad here ya go! Call me tomorrow." God, that was awful!

    My mom doesn't drive so 4 days a week I give her a ride to work. It's great to have someone to talk to every morning about all these problems. My boyfriend gets tired of listening to them sometimes. I mean, you have to actually be a member of my family to truly understand the black cloud that hovers over us.

    My Grandparents don't know about my brother, or my father. They are too old, and we don't want to worry them.

    Sometimes, I want to just get away. Good news in my family is when my father gets accepted for a public defender for his up and coming hearing, or that my brother was able to fly back and forth from a business trip without overdrawing his bank account.
    I wish I had normal good news like a normal family...
    Well I guess I do. My daughter almost made honor roll, if it wasn't for one stinkin C.
    Deal or No Deal and Hero's is on tonight... ( my two favorite shows )

    And the sun came out today after 2 straight days of rain!

    Life isn't so bad is it?
    J_9's Avatar
    J_9 Posts: 40,298, Reputation: 5646

    May 21, 2007, 03:03 PM
    No sweetie, life ain't too bad.

    My Dad once told me that we all have our own problems. If we were to be in a group of, say 100 people, and we all threw our problems into a bucket then were able to choose what problems we would take out, we would always choose our own, because once we see the problems that others have, we realize that our own are not nearly as bad.

    I will give you an example: My father who is a depressed person, and has been for over 20 years, was recently (middle of march) hospitalized for pneumonia. He will be 74 on Friday. We have found out that he will never leave the hospital. He is on a trach and cannot breathe on his own, so drastic measures are being taken to save his life. Now, he is fully conscious, only has a little bit of dementia. Now he will never come off the ventilator and will live the rest of his days in a hospital or nursing home. If that weren't so bad, I live a 12 hour drive away and have not been able to see him because of my schooling (I cannot miss 2 days a semester of nursing school without risk of failing and being dropped from the program due to the enormity of the lectures given daily).

    Now, we are planning on going to visit my father, possibly for the last time before his death, this weekend. Remember this is a 12 hour drive. I cannot afford to fly as we are a single income family with a relatively low income level. I woke up this morning to find my dishwasher broken and in need of replacement (no big deal really, I still have 2 hands to wash dishes), took my car to have the oil changed and found that it also needs a break job (about $200) before our travels on Thursday, went to mow the lawn this afternoon (2 acres) and the transmission on my mower went out (at least $900 to replace the mower, can't fix the transmission as the mower is more than 20 years old and parts are not manufactured for this model any longer).

    My brother, who is 32 still lives with my mother, my mother raises her 2 granddaughters (my sister's kids), while my sister is a flight attendant and has recently married and is expecting a third baby.

    So, in closing, I was not sure what your question really was, if you even had one, but just wanted to rant instead. But yes, we all have problems that seem insurmountable at times.

    As for your boyfriend, remember that there is no changing him. If he treats you and your family this way now, it will not stop, it will not change. Consider whether this is something you want to live the rest of your life with.

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