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    onlyxperfect's Avatar
    onlyxperfect Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Mar 29, 2005, 07:39 PM
    I am being walked on
    But how can I stop it. My boyfriend cheats... long long story which would take hours of explaining, but when you get down to the bottom line, I have given him 20.. yes you heard it right there have been 20 I forgive yous, and 20 I will never do it against, where do I go from there... 20 is a little exxesive,. now no matter what the stories are behind this , it shouldn't be excused right? I mean what do I do, I love him so much.. obviously, and after every time I find out, he tells me he's changed and it will never happen again... this girl he is in love wiuth he's lied like 11 ourt of the twenty times was with her, and they still have a relationship going, me and him have been together for 4 years... 4 years... and ever since the beginning its been lies and me finding out and him saying sorry... someone give me the strength, I'm so alone,
    shenda's Avatar
    shenda Posts: 160, Reputation: 21
    Junior Member
     
    #2

    Mar 29, 2005, 09:21 PM
    The Choice is Yours
    I hate to hear women say they are being walked on, to view themselves as doormats. Strength to stay or leave rest within you. If you are co-habiting and financially dependent upon him, you must change your status and become financially stable whereby providing you the means to leave, heal and learn to revalue yourself. If this is not a relationship of convenience, and you are not financially dependent upon him, do not fear being alone. Learn to expect more for yourself. Know that you are teaching him how to treat you. If his empty promises keeps him in your good graces, why should he change. He has learned that he can have his cake and eat it too. Therefore, if you want him, then you have agreed to accept his behavior until he awakes and finds value in you; until he decides that what he has at home is more valuable to him than what's out there. Why wait for him to awake to the reality that you are a good woman. Know that you are a good woman and that any man would be honored to call you his own. I am reminded of what my uncle often said "Women rule the Roost...he can not cock-a-doddle-do unless you have given him room too". Meaning, know for certain that by your actions, words, you have not sent him astray. Often times women blame the man for going astray when they have not done what is needed for him to stay. If you are free of the above charges, he obviously has pegged you with an old shoe mentality, reliable, always there... no matter what. Therefore, do not be so reliable, nor do not fear being without him. From your own admission, his presence in your life has not eradicated you from feeling alone.
    Furthermore, more importantly, redirect some of this energy that you have so graciously bestowed upon him, find your passion, fulfill your dreams, maximize your moments... cultivate you while you wait for your male-child to awake to the fact that he is a man and not a boy. Even if you do decide to part ways, never neglect your passions... fulfillment, pursuing your passion sustains you, develops you into a more glorious, energetic you. If anything or anyone is allowed to drain your energies, it robs you of a more excellent life. Refuse to settle for less than what you desire, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. If not him, then someone else would gladly take his place. Be confident in yourself, if you are not become confident. Learn to value yourself, learn to respect yourself, learn to love yourself, by doing so, you can value, respect and love others.
    legallyditssy's Avatar
    legallyditssy Posts: 6, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #3

    Jul 18, 2005, 08:19 PM
    I know how you feel.
    Quote Originally Posted by onlyxperfect
    but how can i stop it. my boyfriend cheats... long long story which would take hours of explaining, but when you get down to the bottom line, i have given him 20.. yes you heard it right there have been 20 i forgive yous, and 20 i will never do it agains, where do i go from there.... 20 is a little exxesive,.. now no matter what the stories are behind this , it shouldnt be excused right? i mean what do i do, i love him so much.. obviously, and after everytime i find out, he tells me hes changed and it will never happen again.... this girl he is in love wiuth hes lied like 11 ourt of the twenty times was with her, and they still have a relationship going, me and him have been together for 4 years... 4 years... and ever since the beginning its been lies and me finding out and him saying sorry... someone give me the strength, im so alone,
    undefinedundefinedundefined[I ]I just recently found out that my fiancée of 7 years has cheated on my with 3 different girls. I know that you probably don't look at him the same anymore and that you just really want to scream right. You just need to move out think about the situation and then act on it. Girl you don't need to be in this kind of relationship you just need to leave. I know you love him and all but it takes two people to make a relationship work not just one because if your doing all the work your just letting him do what he is doing. [/I] If you ever need someone to talk to you can always hit me up I will be there for you. It will be OK.
    fredg's Avatar
    fredg Posts: 4,926, Reputation: 674
    Ultra Member
     
    #4

    Jul 25, 2005, 07:16 AM
    Walked on
    Hi,
    Love hurts! It is so true.
    The more you let this "boyfriend" walk all over you, the worse it will get, and the worse you will continue to feel about it. He may be your "boyfriend", but he is definitely not your "friend". Get the difference?
    You need to meet new people; get away from this jerk.
    Best of luck,
    fredg
    BattleAngel14745's Avatar
    BattleAngel14745 Posts: 99, Reputation: 2
    Junior Member
     
    #5

    Jul 29, 2005, 11:45 AM
    Hurt me once shame on you, hurt me twenty times shame on me.
    A.J.R's Avatar
    A.J.R Posts: 20, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #6

    Jul 29, 2005, 01:16 PM
    Just Move On
    I think that your best bet is to move on. Look about 4yrs ago I was pregnant with twins and had at the time my 11month old son. I had just been promoted to manager at my job so I had to work the 3:30-midnight shift. I, well I should say we, because at the time I was with my husband, were so excited that things were going great for us. Well, come to find out that the whole time that I was at work he was seeing his ex-girlfriend, while I'm busting my butt at work carrying twins. Two weeks later, he decided not to come home one night and that was the end of our marriage. I didn't beg nor did we ever speak again. The las time we spoke was when I moved out of state and he received a child support letter stating he had to pay for his 3 kids. He was so angry, I responed, " Pay back is a B***H!", and hung up. Now I have been with someone for 3yrs and are about to get married again, but this time its different, he has proven to me that he is husband material and not a cheater. He has raised my 3 children and actually right now we are expecting our fourth child. So, my advice to you is let him go while you are still young and full of life and good luck! :)
    2bornot2b's Avatar
    2bornot2b Posts: 2, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #7

    Sep 19, 2005, 06:58 AM
    2nd cheater in 2 years
    I seem to attract cheaters or look likea doormant. My first one was a Minister and went back to his wife along with me and another woman. I found him out and was enraged, left him and got him out my life. His wife & I actually shared stories, but she was his doormat too. It was hard since I fell in love with him, but did leave him, wouldn't speak to him and he stalked me for a little while. I put a restraining order and had a detective on him. I got over him finally when I put these things in place.

    Last boyfriend, I met and spoke on the phone from Dec - Feb. Then we became exclusive (his words) in Feb. To-date 9-16, I broke it off since he was exploiting himself on line and on his job. He talked to woman on the phone without my knowledge and his cell phone never stopped ringing. He was a "pretty boy" and knew I would have woman problems. Well, I found out the last one, he crossed the line and visited and I called her to find out who was calling my boyfriend. We spoke cordially and I apologized for going to this extreme, but we both caught him with his pants down. She dated him twice when he played his first disappearing act on me. When I confronted it, he accused me of spying on him. I did what I had to do I told him since he cheated on me once sexually with his wife, and told me, and again by phoning these woman on line, betraying my trust, and lastly going to a woman house when he met her from one of his job calls.

    This betraying hurt I have is unbearable, but read these stories of valuing yourself that get me on the right track. I pray for the hurt to stop and cry all night.

    This last cheater and I met each other to get closure on the relationship and discuss ourselves from this relationship. He stated he needed to be alone and right his wrongs and not be with anyone and me of course to continue hurting. If I had not spied, he would have kept on. I don't suggest seeking the secret, it can badly burn. But I was not going to ostrich my neck in the sand with anyone. Better to know what your dealing with. The Truth always stands and a Lie comes to Truth.

    Unfortunately, I did beg him to stop and we start over, but it was a moment of panic. He still wants to call on me, but, of course, I indicated it was our last view of each other and I will not entertain him again.

    Thanks for the reading and also letting me vent my situation.
    ((PEACE))
    fredg's Avatar
    fredg Posts: 4,926, Reputation: 674
    Ultra Member
     
    #8

    Sep 19, 2005, 08:17 AM
    Walked on
    Hi,
    Love hurts sometimes; that's why it's important to find someone who will not hurt you.
    20 times?? You like being walked on, that's for sure.
    I'm sorry you fell in love with a jerk like this; surely, you are not thinking about marrying someone like this, are you?!
    Drop him now. It will take some time to get over him, but you can. Go out and meet new people. There is someone out there just for you.
    The longer you keep greiving over this idiot, the more hurt you will cause yourself. Get out of the "rut", and find someone else. Love can be happy, and it's strictly up to you to make it so; but not with him.
    Best of luck,
    fredg

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