[Ashriel]

Hello:

Me and my boyfriend have been together 13 months. We have great communication, we laugh together, we respect each other, we genuinely love to be with each other. We have never had a serious "fight" only mild arguments or times when one hurts the other, and then we talk about it. We have had issues, mostly regarding each of our spiritual walks, but overall we have an awesome connection and partnership.

Lately we've been talking about marriage, and I've been kind of pushy about it, talking about getting married next year , etc.
He sat me down and told me he really isn't ready to get married. That he needs time and he just simply isn't ready.
(I realized I need to stop being the "man" and talking about marriage)
Now I am 100% okay with this, really, it made me very happy and relieved he talked to me about it. But for some reason, the discussion of it kind of destroyed my happy little plan I had made in my head, and I realized that I really don't have any kind of plan for myself or for him. I was just planning on getting married and him being my everything.
Which I know is NOT healthy.
He has been my strength, my peace, the person I go to with problems, the person I get my comfort and love and acceptance from.

And I'm just wondering, now that I've realized how unhealthy this is, that I really need to explore myself and let God and myself be my comfort and strength, that I need to accept and love myself without needing others to affirm this, that I need to explore my own path in life and develop myself and STOP making him the point of it all...
How do I go from him being #1, the reason I do what I do, to bringing it down a few notches so he is a very important part of my life, but not what I hinge my everything on?
I hope this isn't too confusing hehe.
I just really want to develop mySELF, and a healthy life of my own, and strength and peace on my own, while STILL keeping this relationship and loving this man.
I have no interest in breaking up with him.

Any tips for how to go about this? :p

[Imabadman]

Communication is good but don't push your agenda. Keep things open and lite and just let the nature ebb and flow of the relationship take it's course.

Open honest communication.
No hidden agedas.
Relax and have fun.

[I wish]

Marriage is a HUGE step.

Seeing that you have so many insecurities and self-esteem issues, now that you're not married yet, it's a good time for you to work on these concerns.

Focus on working on yourself and gaining more confidence. Furthermore, focus on building a stronger relationship with your boyfriend.

Once you feel more comfortable with yourself and have a strenthened relationship, you will be in a better position to consider marriage.

[artlady]

You just need to stay focused on your priorities and remind yourself that in order to do well in any relationship ,you must be a whole person who has a sense of their own identity.

Only then will you be able to fully commit to another in a healthy way.

Set some boundaries and stick to them and if you find yourself wavering from your objective,remind yourself of your mission.

It is easy to get lost in our mate but with determination and a set goal,you can achieve independence and still have a fulfilling and rewarding relationship.

In point of fact,it is a must have for any healthy adult relationship !
Stay focused on the goal.

[talaniman]

I just really want to develop myself, and a healthy life of my own, and strength and peace on my own, while STILL keeping this relationship and loving this man.
I have no interest in breaking up with him.

I think what your looking for is the right BALANCE between yourself, and your relationship. You already have a plan, and its a good one, "I just really want to develop myself," do so, by getting out, and seeing what you need to do either by classes, hobbies, or activities, that you not only enjoy, but can learn from, without your boyfriend.

Once your happy with yourself, and what you do for yourself, then you can share that with him.

There is no hurry so experiment with many things...........that are within the bounds of good clean fun.

Its just a matter of doing. It doesn't take being single either, just independent. I think your on to a great idea, developing SELF.

[Romefalls19]

You are on the right path, you realize what you have done wrong. Congratulations, not a lot of people can do that until it's too late.

As to remedy this, start getting hobbies, go out with friends. Make it a point to do things you wouldn't normally do because you had to be with your boyfriend. Get yourself out there and experience your OWN life

[none12345]

Time to spend more time on things you love to do and a little less time with him.