[sean_s]

So you want to be in the elite group? Don't you want to live to see that? I know I would! Sounds like you're making plans for the future Sean.

Indeed I did have plans, I am just clinging to what I started, because what is already in hand, can not be let go. No, I did not choose to be in this path, but once I came to this path, I decided to make the best of it.

If you're going to be among a very small group of people that can do what you do, then I fail to see how you're zwecklos. Du bist nicht zwecklos! You are of use to yourself,

That is narcissistic to think that I am use to myself.

and you've found friends here. If you give yourself even a little bit of a chance, and stop being so hard on yourself, you'll find someone special.

I am thankful for the friends, I isn't hard. I am just critical.

Despite the fact that you're too judgmental of yourself, too hard on yourself, if I were single, I'd date you. Since I'm not single, I'll offer my friendship, and I hope you accept it.

I forgive your cliché (:FeelsLikeASir:) and I accept it . Then again, if you are to date me, do you speak german in a greek accent :D :D :D

I need to practice my German. In fact, I need to write a letter to my family in Germany that's long overdue. So you finish your work, you finish the commitment you made to WG, and then you can proofread my letter. Deal?

Will do my best

I'm not letting you off the hook that easy. I'm German. I'm hardheaded. You should understand that.

So get off your pity boat. You have a lot to do! :)

I isn't in a pity boat, I am behind a Lupe, trying to figure out what to do with a life that blew off. And, like what, I have to do? Calculate the solar wind speed? Who gives a f*? Currently I don't give a f* either.

That is what I am looking for in fact - a reason to give a f***. I myself is not a reason. I do not exist, the leader and the team does lol. The team does not give a f* for me, I am an instrument. If I am gone,someone else would come.

But I lost my faith on both, but I did not get my faith on myself as a replacement.

[sean_s]

Poor guy. I'm German on both sides, 100%, 4th-generation American. He's in big trubble and up against a couple of frauen.

I think, if I can stand the next two ordeals, I should totally ask yet a third german out ;) (kidding)

And to both of the german girls above, the modern german girls lack what you seem to have a lot : zuverlässigkeit lol

[talaniman]

I can honestly say they have motivated me and others to good things. Embrace them, they are cool!

[sean_s]

they are cool!

They indeed are

[Wondergirl]

i think, if i can stand the next two ordeals, i should totally ask yet a third german out ;) (kidding)

and to both of the german girls above, the modern german girls lack what you seem to have a lot : zuverlässigkeit lol

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwww! I'm sure you will conquer the demons inherent in those ordeals.

[sean_s]

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwww!! I'm sure you will conquer the demons inherent in those ordeals.

I did not stand my last ordeal.

Today I went to tutor the guy I tutor, and he asked me to do english instead of mathematics, which I do. The question was characterization of people, form observations. So I asked him to do it with known people, before he attempts to go in the textbook.

So he decided to characterize me, and he came to the conclusion,since sean always laughs,even at himself, he has no problem in life, and is the luckiest person..

No, that is not the case. I isn't. I have my weaknesses too. I wish someone looked through my "wall" of laughing at myself.

I wish someone looked inside me, and realized my hopes and anguish (angst?) , and stayed on my side despite those failures. I know I have anguishes, I know those are my failures, but I can't do anything, neither do I want to spend more time on those.

Same with the ordeals, there is no demon, there are people, whom, I recognize as qualified. Now I know I have the possibility of blowing them away, but I don't know if my strategy will work. I am playing my devils advocate. I have been working for an year - even more - to reach here, to face the ordeal, but I am feeling not sure if my strategy enough is...

Besides, why am I even caring for the strategy? It is coming kind of automatically that I care for a strategy to do what I am supposed to do, but my conscious mind shouts that it does not give a f*, and there is such a mortal combat going on in my mind.

I just can't take anything anymore...

[Wondergirl]

No, that is not the case. I aint. I have my weaknesses too. I wish someone looked through my "wall" of laughing at myself.

I wish someone looked inside me, and realized my hopes and anguish (angst?) , and stayed on my side despite those failures. I know i have anguishes, i know those are my failures, but i can't do anything, neither do i want to spend more time on those.

We know that and love you anyway. We know that 'cause you're an awfully lot like us.

(Pssst, yes, you CAN do something. And we will be here while you spend more time on those.)

[sean_s]

And we will be here while you spend more time on those.)

On what exactly?

[Wondergirl]

"those" = turning your sorrows into joys and your failures into successes.

[sean_s]

"those" = turning your sorrows into joys and your failures into successes.

I forgive your cliché too... :( I am kind of sad with all these cliché-s... did I not mention that I am not looking for rituals and clichés that are already well known? I know that I am not to expect a solution here, but could the cliché-s not be avoided?

Besides, I am not talking about failures, the apollo 1 blew off in launchpad - in a practice session, killing three astronauts, if I may add. That is fine. I am talking about the "ängste" that I got -- I am talking about finding a reason to combat those.

I am talking about what part I am missing in my dedication to things / people

I am not talking about the fact I am sad. I am not talking about the fact that I lost a reason to have a life (point 4 in original question) I have joys - although I did not stand the ordeal, I did go through it 80% of the way, which I know I did. This gives me a joy. I am talking about the reason to have these joys at all . I know this is a joy, but I just can not enjoy it myself - I need a real reason to have these joys..

Sorry, if my answer appears impolite

[Wondergirl]

i need a real reason to have these joys..

You're a human being, thus the reason. If you want my permission, I give that.

[sean_s]

but i just can not enjoy it myself

You're a human being, thus the reason.

~P because Q
P because Q

...

:NothingToSay: :((

[Wondergirl]

~P because Q
P because Q

C'mon -- join the human race.

[sean_s]

C'mon -- join the human race.

P: I enjoy my joys
Q: I am a human
~(Q→P) : just because I am a human, I can not enjoy those things any more. It is NOT working that way. I did not speculate a cause, I am saying a fact. That is, my statement was not in form of W→~(Q→P), it was in the form W > ~(S)|(Q→P) in S, > is an ordering relation.

You are saying Q→P. I was looking for possible help , while stating my problem
~(Q→P), you are claiming the opposite, do I have a communication problem?

[Wondergirl]

P: i enjoy my joys
Q: i am a human
~(Q→P) : just because i am a human, i can not enjoy those things any more. it is NOT working that way. i did not speculate a cause, i am saying a fact. that is, my statement was not in form of W→~(Q→P)

you are saying Q→P. I was looking for possible help , while stating my problem
~(Q→P), you are claiming the opposite, do i have a communication problem?

Can you express yourself without the symbols?

[sean_s]

Can you express yourself without the symbols?

I tried to, in the first 65 or so posts, but the point I am trying to present seems to be overlooked, hence I tried to use the notation of symbolic logic, which is supposed to be universally true

[Wondergirl]

I tried to, in the first 65 or so posts, but the point i am trying to present seems to be overlooked, hence i tried to use the notation of symbolic logic, which is supposed to be universally true

They weren't overlooked as much as not taken seriously as believable reasons someone would not only become so distraught but allow those reasons to rule the entire life of such an obviously intelligent person, methinks.

[sean_s]

They weren't overlooked as much as not taken seriously as believable reasons why someone would not only become so distraught but allow those reasons to rule the entire life of such an obviously intelligent person, methinks.

Well then, I guess I am clicking the wrong doorbell. Never mind, I am very thankful to all your time, and effort, and leting me post anyway..

[Wondergirl]

I have a challenge for you.

[sean_s]

I have a challenge for you.

Yes? :hopesThatItWillBeAReasonToGiveAF*: