[missingout]

Hello all, I've just found this site and have spent a goodly time reading the previous pages. I'm curious to see if I can gain some insight into my current relationship 'issues', so here's the breakdown:

I met this girl about a month and a half ago, and was immediately smitten. The first 15 minutes of our first date was more amazing than anything, all we could both do was stare at each other and smile basically. We've been very careful not to smother each other, and limit our time together (by my request, I'm by nature a solitary person at times), but I find myself unable to feel as strongly for her as I want to, all the time. Most times I find myself going quite numb around her, even though I know that at this point I can't imagine myself being with anyone else. Physically she is different than my normal 'type', and I don't find myself lusting after her like I have over other women in the past. Most of my relationships have been sexual in nature and in the end it was not enough, so I kind of like the way this one is going... but I can't seem to find a solution to my 'numbness'. Three days ago we spent the night on my boat and it was incredible, but the next day I felt a slight bit of anxiety about our relationship. Sigh... I'm at my wits end here. Some days I am 'on' and some days I am 'off'. It is driving me nuts.

Basically, I just want to know if it is normal, or 'ok' to feel like this.

[Wildcat21]

Yes - it's fine - sounds like you've been iin other relationships and don't want some of the bad things that happen - either you don't want to get hurt or hurt her.

Keep with it - this one may take time.

[missingout]

Thanks for the reply, I'm glad to get any opinions here... especially ones that favor the positve ;).

Even though I am numb, and kind of emotionless at times around her, I know enough to not want to let her go. I've had my share of harsh ending relationships, and I believe that is part of it for sure. I also notice this pattern in my emotional dealings the last couple of years, even with my family members, and it disturbs me greatly.

I just don't want to lose this girl, and I'm willing to do anything to make sure I don't.

[Wildcat21]

See - you've built up barriers and tests - which I think is GREAT!! Very important. You always get hurt when you dive right in and fall for some one - that which is chased RUNS!! I am sure you've been through this before.

I've had my share of harsh ending relationships - and you have learned from them. Heartache is avoidable.

Keep dating this woman, but consider dating others as well. It keeps you honest and you won't get hurt.

It happened to me as well with the emotions - your getting older and maybe have a chip on your shoulder much like I have had. It's part of growing up, being independent.

Just really take time slowly to get to know this woman.

"I just don't want to lose this girl, and I'm willing to do anything to make sure I don't." - UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! That WILL cause heartache. You know you can't put that much importance in this woman YET. That's why you're feeling gthis way - you know she will run IF you share your feelings ALWAYS!!

[missingout]

See, that's the thing... the way I feel right now is pretty bad as it is. Heartache seems to be a self-inflicted condition in my relationships, as I'm usually the one to irrationally flee and never look back. I'm old enough now to know how great this girl is, but immature enough to still have to face the urge to head for the hills the minute it gets emotionally intimate. I am willing to do anything to try to get over this condition, as I really don't want to lose the opportunity being presented to me.

I don't feel I have invested too much emotionally, as any bit I try to share just aggravates my anxiety. I'm going to hold in there, and hope she is at least a bit patient. It's only been a month and a half, but I can see her starting to want to spend a bit more time with me, whereas for now I am happy with the few days I do see her every week. We'll have to see where it balances out I guess.

[Wildcat21]

See - that kind of attitude, for some bizarre reason, is a HUGE turn on to woman - you'd think she'd run - NOPE! You're still a challenge.

Just take your time with it. Don't put so much importance in it. A relationship takes time.

[fredg]

Hi,
As another said, a relationship takes time.
Take it "one day at a time", and don't worry so much about your past relationships or attitudes. One of the worst things anyone can do is to let the past "rule" the present; you don't want to completely shut the door on the past, but at the same time, don't let it overcome you today.
How to stop it from overcoming you today? If you feel you need it, get professional help with a counselor, etc.
This girl just might make you feel differently, for the best, in time.
Best of luck,
fredg

[missingout]

Well, thanks everyone for the continuing advice, it is much appreciated. I have seen a counsellor recently about this, and have a few more appointments waiting as well. It sounds kind of bad, but it actually helped a bit. This weekend we are going away to my boat again, and I am actually kind of excited. For some reason, being there is very peaceful for me, and I really enjoy the thought of sharing that with her.

Thanks again for the insight :cool: .

[letmeno]

The type of man that you are would literally drive a sane woman crazy. Not that you are a bad person, to me you seem to shelter your feelings. This is normal, I have done the same thing, it keeps you from getting hurt. But @ the same time as a woman I have got to warn you. When this young ladies feelings start to get involved, she is going to want answers and she is going to want answers NOW! We women make this mistake of backing men in a corner like that, but that is just the nature of a woman we just want to know, we want to know if this is right, if not can we make it right, should we go on and find someone else etc. etc. etc. Hey I didn't say that being a woman is easy! I am not suggesting that you lay on a couch and spill your guts. It just seems to me that something a little more special is going on inside of you for this lady. Don't make her wait too long while you hash out what it is that you are feeling for her. Explain the best that you can that she is important to you but you would really rather take the slow road. It drives a woman crazy to be left in the dark and we usually take it as "he's just not that into me." and we go out and do something stupid. Take your time by all means but don't keep her guessing and wondering.

[missingout]

Well, I definitely appreciate the alternate view on this, and let me assure you that this young lady is well aware of everything now. She is a VERY understanding person it seems, and is willing to see where it all goes. This has managed to relax me somewhat, which is much appreciated.

I still don't know what I am doing half the time, but at least now I don't have to worry about her running off just yet.

[letmeno]

If you find a patient woman then you have a gem. Patience in a woman is hard to come by.

Hope that all goes well

Good Luck :D