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always_mmm · Nov 17, 2009, 05:09 PM

Been married over 20 years... seperated in the late '90's for a few months, back together renewed vows! He was wonderful for about 6 months as long as I did exactly as he asked of me. Too many things happened to even start to discuss, lies, money, more lies... we have children together that are young. They watch us fight over everything, I hate the way he eats, sleeps, talks, walks, laughs, you name it I don't like it and he feels the same about me. I was diagnosised with an illness a few years after we got back together. It has put major limitations on me and my life style. He has me just where he wants me, as he always told me he would... I am almost completely dependent on him. There are days I lie in bed, crying wondering how in the world I could leave, take care of my children and myself. I love him, I don't know why because of the way we are towards one another, but I do... I have NO ONE and when I say that, that is what I mean... my parents are deceased, no aunts or uncles, and I was an only child by their marriage. NO FRIENDS IN THIS AREA, AS I MOVED WITH HIM... See this is what alone feels like... My children are my world and I can not take them without being able to care for us.

jaime90 · Nov 17, 2009, 05:15 PM

I know what alone feels like too- it sucks. You need to determine if staying with a man who you hate, is worth it. Is it worth it for him, and for you. You don't want to keep the guy around just for company, or use him in any way- that would be wrong. But you also have kids that you need to take care of. This is for you to decide.

always_mmm · Nov 17, 2009, 05:16 PM

Accidentally posted, before finished...
I would not unless he were to get physically abusive ask for a friends help... I have nothing of my own. At this time I am unable to work, I feel so trapped. I think I just need to get this off my shoulders / vent! Maybe sending this out and getting someone else to give me advice will help me feel better. Thanks for any reply...

jaime90 · Nov 17, 2009, 05:23 PM

You're right, it's a good idea to keep open communcation about this- the last thing you want to do is isolate yourself. (I'm really good at doing this too!) Sometimes the best thing you can do to make you feel better, is just to get something off your chest!

BlackVY · Nov 17, 2009, 05:52 PM

Vent away... it helps...

I don't really know how you can wake up one day and not like the person you are with, but I guess it can happen. Heard it before.

I still hear you saying you love him still, which is a good sign. Maybe you should figure out why you love him. I mean find out what made you fall in love with him, marry him and have his children in the first place.

I don't think you should have given up everything for this man, to the point where you have nothing.

Maybe you should do something for yourself, find a hobbie, join a gym if your illness allows or do something with a local community group. Basically get out there and meet people if you can. Then you may not be so lonely and feel like you have nothing and nobody with you.

Good luck and keep venting, we are always here to listen. Peace

BlackVY · Nov 17, 2009, 07:08 PM

I see what you mean and yes, I do see how this kind of emotional abuse can make you not like the person you are with.

I was guilt in the past of doing such things too, but I learned how to get out of it and to be a better person to my partner.

There still might be hope for your husband, if he is willing to do the work, get some help and do what he has to do to change and make you happy.

But I still stick with my advice of getting out there into the world if you can and doing things that keep you active and happy, but also help you realize you can do a lot, are not worthless and are capable of amazing things.

always_mmm · Nov 17, 2009, 07:28 PM

Thank you, you're right. I do need to get out more, make friends here, but due to this illness, most of the time I am stuck home. I have started herbal treatments as the traditional meds have had too many side effects on me... Maybe the herbs are what I need to help get a life back... and have a family life again too...

BlackVY · Nov 17, 2009, 07:31 PM

Originally Posted by always_mmm

Thank you, you're right. I do need to get out more, make friends here, but due to this illness, most of the time I am stuck home. I have started herbal treatments as the traditional meds have had too many side effects on me...Maybe the herbs are what I need to help get a life back...and have a family life again too....

That's a great idea... my wife is completing her studies in herbal medicine, so I know a bit about that stuff too...

She has been telling me for years that herbal is the way to go and has less side effects... there are some things you can take for the way you feel...

I understand the illness has you quite restricted... but you could do stuff from home too, like have a book club, or a sewing group. I know it might sound funny, but these are ways to get people together and meet new people. Start small I guess and do what you can, but don't strain yourself out