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    ikenbonnie's Avatar
    ikenbonnie Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member

    Oct 26, 2005, 04:45 PM
    Young Couples and Friends
    Since you guys gave me such good advice last time I thought I would try again with another post. My wife and I have been married for 4 years or so and we have a 13 year old son which is from her previous marriage. We have a blended family.
    My wife and I have a few friends but none with much substance meaning, we set a date to go to breakfast with a few friends and we all agree on a time. Our mutual friends (A couple) donít show up or they do some 3 hours later. We are starting to think there is something wrong with us or something but I know that when I am friends with someone and I agree to do something I always do what I say and say what I do. I never remember when I was single or even as a young guy having such a problem with people and making friend and keeping them. Does anyone else constantly find themselves let down from friends who honestly act like they could give a crap about you or not. I am a 3 strikes rule kind of guy. First time, your fault, Second time. My fault. Third time... Really my fault. This is what leads to my next question.
    We would like to find some Normal Decent friends and don't know how. I have never had a problem making a friend but it seems as a couple we really do. My wife says that girls are hard to get along with and I tend to agree but there has got to be some nice people like us in the same boat looking for a couple to double date with or maybe have a few drinks. I would appreciate any feedback you guys and gals have. Incidentally, the set of friends who stand us up all the time well did. I have talked to him in about 5 months act like they could care less is my friend from the 6th grade. Almost 16 years we were buddies then I went into the Military and got out. I tried to ask him one time why he never called me before or what ever and he said I wasn't around. Do you think we have surrounded ourselves with people who are not the same? I think my old buddy maybe was hurt by me leaving but he would never say anything and if I did he would act like he didn't know what I was talking about. Boy I hate that... Thanks!
    fredg's Avatar
    fredg Posts: 4,928, Reputation: 674
    Ultra Member

    Oct 27, 2005, 05:44 AM
    Just so you will be able to judge my advice, I am 63 yrs old, married 28 yrs, raised 3 children, all moved away now, and have a great 8 yr old grandson.
    You say a "blended family"; I know what you mean, but it really doesn't make any difference with having friends. My family is "blended", too, with my step-daughter, but now, at 34 yrs old, married, she is like my own daughter to me, and treats me actually better with more respect than her own dad; which is for many reasons, not actually pertinent here.
    Good Friends come and go. That's a fact. There is nothing wrong with you or your family. We have a couple of friends that will be "late for their own funeral", if you know what I mean. They are still good friends, but for whatever reason, just really don't care about time. We have always been where we were supposed to on time, but this is not true of all people.
    Friends from grade school or high school also change. Some change their attitudes, want new friends after years of being a friend... it's normal behavior.
    Do you ever go to Church, or attend sometimes? That is a good place to meet new people, and in time, make some very good friends. Other places are to meet new people at work, or even neighbors.
    If you have neighbors close by, take them a cake, or a pot of soup, or something along these lines; get to know them, show them you care.
    I sincerely do wish you the best, and you sound like someone I would want living next door to me!
    s_cianci's Avatar
    s_cianci Posts: 5,472, Reputation: 760
    Uber Member

    Oct 27, 2005, 06:52 PM
    Your buddy may be somewhat resentful of the fact that you left to go into the military. Also keep in mind that he now has a wife who is going to influence his social activities and decisions. If her orientation towards such things are different from his, thewn you're going to inevitably notice some changes in his social behavior. Maybe his wife dislikes you or your wife for whatever reason and I'm not necessarily suggesting that it's a legitimate one. Actually your situation is not all that uncommon. My wife and I occasionally socialize with another couple we know from church. However, they also have the habit of making last-minute cancellations. I believe it's the wife more so than the husband who's the cause of these last-minute cancellations (frankly I think she's a little unstable and needs to be on a regular regimen of anti-depressant medication or something similar.) These last-minute cancellations for no seemingly good reason piss me off to no end, whereas my wife seems to be a little more tolerant of it. However, lately my wife is just as reluctant as I am to make plans with these people for that reason. So a lot of it has to do with individual temperament. Some people, such as you and I, consider it a serious breach of courtesy to disrespect someone elses' time like that. Other people, such as these couples that you and I know, think nothing of it. If you and your wife are interested in socializing with other couples, then try inviting some people you know out to dinner or other social engagement. Try people that you or your wife work with or people from church or other organization where you hold membership and share common interests. You and your wife may want to take up a new activity where you'd be likely to meet other couples, such as square dancing.

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